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   NEWSLETTER: "WHY IS THE NEWSLETTER LATE WHEN WE PAY SOME SAD FUCK TO WRITE
   IT?"
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 "WHY IS THE NEWSLETTER LATE WHEN WE PAY SOME SAD FUCK TO WRITE IT?"
 This Week:
 * DANNY DYER SOUNDBOARD - Pwopa nawty noises
 * ASHENS' FILM - Free to watch online
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - Trump's visit
 -------------------------------------------------
 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "After saving the web  
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    we're planning to
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   save Teletext & WAP"
 B3ta email 684  - 6 Jul 2018
 Read this issue pretending to be a bat:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue684
 -------------------------------------------------
 : DANNY DYER SOUNDBOARD
   Pwopa Nawty Noises
  
   This significant advance in cockney technology
   will allow you generate Dyerisms from your
   phone, desktop or phablet. BTW: We enjoyed
   putting this together, there's something
   delightful perverse about making a soundboard
   in 2018, but we're on a one-website mission to
   make the Internet fun again.
 https://b3ta.com/danny-dyer-soundboard/
 -------------------------------------------------
 Human testicles have receptors that can taste
 sweet, salty, bitter, sour and umami flavours.
 Tasticles.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WEIRD WEBCAM TOY
   Pretend you're scanning your face like it's '92
   "I made a little toy that slit-scans using your
   webcam. Walk past slowly for entertainingly
   warped limbs" writes Jonty Wareing who also
   recently did the rejected petitions bot we
   featured. Point it out of the window for lovely
   pictures of cars, or point it at your face for
   horrifying three-eyed
   monstrosities.
 https://slitscan.space 
 -------------------------------------------------
 Guns N' Roses name only has the single apostrophe
 - after the N, hence the missing word can't be
 AND as it must start with an N.
 Therefore we conclude that their full name is
 Guns "Number 29 Bus" Roses.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IF YOU NEED PR THEN CALL ED, OK?
   Sponsored patreon
   Maybe you need some PR? Then talk to this guy -
   to vary the link we're sending you to an
   interview he gave with Lifehacker.
 http://bit.ly/2MUfP8k
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PICTURES THAT MOVE
   Short gags for people with short attention spans
   DrivelSieve has been animating photos and
   adding sound effects. We'd say it's like Terry
   Gilliam, but he's turned into an silly old
   pillock, so we'll say it's a bit like B3ta from
   2002.
 http://bit.ly/2tZzwV5
 -------------------------------------------------
 If you remove the two plurals from the name Guns
 'n Roses it sounds like a particularly solid pub
 in the West Midlands.
 The Gun And Rose.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : WATCH ASHENS' FILM
   Quest for the GameChild
   "IT HAS RETURNED. The improved Blu-Ray cut of
   Ashens and the Quest for the GameChild, now on
   the Ashens channel! An entire feature film you
   can watch for free right now." writes one-time
   B3tan Stuart Ashen. Actually, if you squint,
   you can spot your B3ta editor in this - the
   scene at the end where a couple of thugs beat
   up a guy in prison. Yes, he is one of the
   thugs, complete with IMDB credit for "dodgy
   guy".
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
 -------------------------------------------------
 : IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Trump posters
 
   Let's give people protesting against Trump
   visiting the UK something to hold. Do your
   worst at:
 https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/protesttrump/popula...
 -------------------------------------------------
 : TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS
   Sponsored patreon
   B3tans have legs. B3tans need trousers. It's a
   match made in heaven.
 https://hebtro.co/
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SITES IN BEEF
   Urls that aren't much to do with us which we like
   * MICROSOFT CAPTION BOT - nice bit of AI from
   the munchkins who brought you Minesweeper which
   attempts to add captions to photos you upload.
   Refuses to work with photos of naked ladies.
   But not if they're wearing bras. Yes, we tried
   it.
 https://www.captionbot.ai/
   * NOSTALGIA OVERLOAD - Lovely collection of 60s
   (and possibly 70s and 80s) postcards showing
   the heyday of the British seaside resort before
   the package holiday came along and destroyed
   them.
 http://bit.ly/2KUOQsG
   * PHANTOM ISLANDS - artefacts of the age of
   maritime discovery and colonial expansion.
   During centuries of ocean exploration these
   islands were sighted, charted, described and
   even explored – but their existence has never
   been ultimately verified. Fascinating stuff and
   well worth an explore.
 http://andrewpekler.com/phantom-islands/
   * VOODOO WEB SCIENCE - An incredible
   experimental tool that allows you to encode
   small webpages inside a URL. The secrets of the
   universe are in this thing if you could just
   guess the address.
 http://about.bitty.site  
   * 50 SHADES OF BLOCK CHAIN - what do you get if
   you force a bot to read Fifty Shades of Grey
   and a ton of cryptocurrency whitepapers? Some
   lols.
 https://twitter.com/blockshade/status/101433865336...
   * GAY HISTORY THREAD - fascinating Twitter
   thread where someone finds a load of gay rights
   badges in a loft and... you read it.
 https://twitter.com/gawanmac/status/10131678336840...
 -------------------------------------------------
 Whoever you support in this World Cup we can all
 agree that ITV is a pile of shit.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STAR IN NEXT WEEKS' ISSUE
   Make some stuff, become 'B3ta famous'
   * IF ADS TOLD THE TRUTH #17 - edit Amazon Alexa
   ads for accuracy and have the users repeating
   all requests three times with increasing
   frustration.
   * THUMP TRUMP - an interactive toy that allows
   people to dominate the Don.
 
   * VHS VIDEO CHOOSER - this week we were
   struggling in this world of infinite choice to
   work out what to watch and we thought "wish we
   could visit a video store in 1985 and select
   from there." Maybe hook up some Wikipedia lists
   of old VHS releases to a nice interface?
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1985_in_home_video
   Send your stuff to:
 http://b3ta.com/mailus
 -------------------------------------------------
 : THANKS
   Wil, Cr3, Kris, Matt Round.
   Tip via ma0sm.
   LInks: via The_cold_stare, Enzyme
   Subjlols via @beaubodor.
   Proofing from @simonmacmichael.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : PATREON THANKS
   * JOSH MCMILLAN, * AARON HOLMES, * TOM JENKINS
   BATES, * JON GRANT, * SHOWRAT , * SIMON JAMES,
   * TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE, * MR PHIL DONNELLY,
   * KATE , * JAMES PETTS, * STEWART NOLAN, * MARK
   MCCREADIE, * ALEX MORRIS, * JAMES O'BRIEN.
   GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
   WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR , IAN SHEEN, NEIL
   HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMING, ALAN
   CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE
   VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON,
   CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT
   MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY,
   PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON
   BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN
   EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER.
   Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, lee burnett, Peter
   Cooper, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton, Richard
   Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Jonathan
   Ferguson, Brad Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul
   Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus
   McKay, Steve herman, Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick
   Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua Thomasson, Dog
   Byte, Fearghas , unklefiction , Chris Gough,
   fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Basel Kirmani,
   Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys Wynne, Matt
   Machell, Marina de Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan
   Rhodes, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff
   Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey
   Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul
   Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin,
   Raul Arreola, Faith H. Martin, Tim Williams,
   David King, Jaymie Thomas, Sam Russell,
   Stephanie Radford, David Knoll, Ben Watson,
   Simon Holmes, Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson, Saleem
   Ahmad, nicholas martin, Chris Andrews, Jim
   MacArthur, John Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy
   Webber, Jack Barton, David Gardiner, Adam
   Molloy, Simon McDougall, Craig Tonks, Anna ,
   Peter Gosling, Jason Stewart, Dave Nattriss,
   Philip Kinchington, Ian Boltz, Matt Drewry,
   Derek ROBERTS, Robbie Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster,
   Adam Inglis, James Clayton, David Harrison, Jim
   Frayling,  Mike Middleton, Scott S. Kramer, Joe
   Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob Mahon, Jamie
   Borrill, Paul Leader, Ivan Kelly, J&#464;m
   McN&#464;ven, Paul Healey, Andy Ashton, Tom
   Rees-Williams, David Mills, Martin Beer,
   midnightrambler , matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny,
   Dave Tickle, Andre Stiefenhofer, Matthew
   Forman, Gareth Noyce, Chris Paterson, James
   Woods, pookong , oliver bewes, Iain , Adam
   Cooney, Sam Anderson, Albion Gray, Rupert Hull,
   Simon Henry, Simon waterfall, Paul Westerman,
   Courtenay Ferris, Andy Tillett, Essy Dave,
   Martin Peache, Jerry Quartley, Bertil Hansson,
   Carl Morgan, Mark Hibbett, Daniel Brown, Rich
   Pope, John Matthews, JOHNNY WATTERS, Jamie
   Taylor, Adrian Woodfield, Stuart Ashen, Vicki
   Jakes, Jane Baker, Paul Smith, Will Goulden,
   Simon Cowan, Robin Whitmore, Steven Smith,
   Matthew Wilkes, John Docherty, Dan Stott,
   Siobhan McNally, Bill Atkinson, Starlord
   Mixtape, Gneissrocks , Steve Prowse, Tyronne
   Mann, Andy Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman,
   Sarah Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Richard
   Chamley, Tom Gleeson, Mark McGowan, Ed Cook,
   Darren Stanley, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain
   Ruxton, Jim Woodward, Alexander Jamieson, Tom
   Crick, Ben Burton, Peter Ashtray, Adam Atack,
   AC , Derek Law, Mark Logue, Jon Weston, David
   Catley, John Foster, Matt Buchanan, Matthew
   Collinge, Joey moore, Mark Hill, Joe McNally,
   Tom Ryan, Peter McMinn, Ryan Doran, Konrad
   Petrusewicz, Wil Hadden, James Donnelly, Frank
   Hollis, sean casely, Chris Stammers, Al
   Davidson, martin mackenzie, Gus Nicol, Martin
   Holloway, Mike Davis, Steve Thornton, Tim
   Mouncer, peter wouda, Fraser Lewry, Matthew
   Morris, Rob Vincent, Chris Shaw, Rick Lindley,
   Greg Neilson, blossomshed , Jude Evans, Kev
   Adams, Simon Smith, David Edmundson-Bird,
   @mattdawhit , Brian Lancaster, Iain Henshaw,
   Matthew Smith, Gia Milinovich, Fiona James,
   Robert Hills, Natalee , Anne-Marie Scott, James
   Kerry-Barnard, Greenfox , Neil de Carteret,
   Stephen Waller, Luke Mepham, Stuart Alldred,
   Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris Branch,
   Jonathan Wooddin, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, Jason Law,
   Dominic Haigh, TownsendsPublisher , Steve
   Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup, Ross
   Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James
   Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter
   Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, Alex Hayton,
   James Shakespeare, Jiminy Hall, Tim Weaver,
   Lisa Westhaven, James O'Malley, Emma Lay, Phil
   Wade, RossOverThere , Tim Jokl, Catherine
   McAllister, Steve Laker, Damien Smith, Jim
   Dabell, John Faragher, Eric von Borstel,
   Malcolm Franks, Richard Beckett, No Reward
   Description: (None for No Reward), Nick Morgan,
   Rog Sharples, Ben Brice, Iain Moffatt, Justin
   Brett, Louise Allen, David Green, Riven A
   Buckley, Robin , Luche , Ian Appleby, Pete ,
   Tobie Fysh, Gavin Tommey, Stuart Richards,
   David Barton, Jess Baker, Tom Freke, Jan
   Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan, Mike Congreve, Chris
   Johnson, John Field, Emma Sykes, Carl Mesner
   Lyons, Ross Dobson, David Stark, Adam
   Beardwood, Danny Kodicek, Dominic Le Garsmeur,
   Mark Benson, Chris Goode, Andrew Robinson,
   Nicky Hewgill, Michael Kitt, Tim Beachy, Rose
   Johnson, Paul Topping, Connor Parslow, Daniel
   Moeller, Irene Semanchuk, Alexandre Strube,
   Craig Naples, Steve Bryant, Richard Speed,
   Alastair Dodd, Rhys Jones, Joseph Mulvaney,
   Julie Beacock, Sentient Meatbag, Dan Tasse,
   peter royal, Harry Wearne, Duncan STrickland,
   Andy Candler, Deny Coughlan, Russ Anderson,
   Nick Kent, Jonathan , Phil H, Andrew Anderson,
   Ian Silvester, Ben Webb, Graham Freeman, Dave
   Gee, Peter Keelback, Wine School of
   Philadelphia, John Griffiths, Nick Murdoch, Rob
   Potter, James Meers, 5telios , Paul Mancini, Al
   Napp, Tanya Kant, Jon Ramster, David Whittam,
   Jace Otting, BSG , Andrew Harris, Chris Ward,
   Adam Tickner, Peter , Emily Payne, Tim
   Polglase, Ted Bowyer, Matt Carr, Bobod ,
   Michael Bryan, Richard Midwinter, Neil Ives,
   Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman, David Bond, Ben ,
   Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp, Andy Shirling,
   Fenris Games, James , Jim Lucking, mark
   madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell Webster, Sham
   Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail, Rohan , Sam
   Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble, Nigel Ford,
   Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren, Centuries of Sound,
   Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
   Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard
   Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex Wrottesley, Ivan
   Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs,
   Tony East, Cat Conner, Jennifer Moquin, Claire
   Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner, Thea Mallett, Nick ,
   ben cowell-thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy
   Nattan, Alex Wren, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Ilya
   &#268;olak-Anti&#263;, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike
   Carter, Daz Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M,
   P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark
   McIntosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren
   John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim
   Knight, FuzzyFreaks , Stephen McAuley, Phil
   Barns, wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball,
   Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
   Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, David Parry, Emma Nicol,
   Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds,
   Stéphane.
 -------------------------------------------------
 : SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
   Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
  
   We've spoken to a young person (36) and they
   say MySpace isn't the thing anymore and we
   should get on Beebo and Friendster. So here we
   are:
 https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
 https://www.twitter.com/b3ta
 -------------------------------------------------
 : ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
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 https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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 https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
   * Write a joke that we might stick in next week:
 https://www.b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenaj...
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