we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "YES WE CAN'T QUITE BELIEVE IT EITHER BUT IT'S ACTUALLY A B3TA NEWSLETTER" next issue » « previous issue "Yes we can't quite believe it either but it's actually a B3ta newsletter" This Week: * YES WE'RE BACK! Hello again! * VID - The Potato House returns * GAME - Shunty Train * READ - Sgt Pepper cover art fully explained ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're still alive and ___/ _ |/_ > PROJECT: Sgt Pepper Source Images << CCC writes, "I've been working on for a while on locating the source images for the cut- outs used on the cover of The Beatles' Sgt Pepper (plus some Beatle-related background info)." You might remember CCC from being the Monkey Man of Tunbridge Wells - look that one up in the archives. https://sgtpepperphotos.wordpress.com/ >> VIDEO: Potato House << Sheep! writes, "The next iteration of my potato light switch. Chips coming out of the plug socket is especially useful when I'm too tired to make dinner." This short video is doing / has done well on social media (depending on when you're reading this). Well done Sheep! http://b3ta.com/links/1436142 >> GAME: Shunty Train << Spacefish writes, "It's a puzzle game where you have to shunt carriages into the right order. It's got pixels, you will like it. This was made by MGT, Newington and a couple of other b3ta folk; I just kind of egged them on and did some passive aggressive code editing." http://glastonbridge.com/games/shunty >> SECOND GAME: The Great Yodel Parcel Hunt << Monkeon writes, "Where's Wally, but with Yodel Safe Places." Yes! We've missed Monkeon's games - may he make many more. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/parcelhunt/ ------------------------------------------------- : GENERAL ELECTION IMAGE CHALLENGE Keeping this open for the next few weeks Of course we need to do an image challenge around the election. It would be rude not to. Make sure you join in, this stuff is the makings of HISTORY. The best entries so far are LIT AF - sorry we mean woo and yay. http://b3ta.com/challenge/elections/popular/ ------------------------------------------------- : REMEMBERING NOSTALGIA Hey Hey 16k @gasmanic writes: "As of today, Hey Hey 16K by Mark Hibbett is now as old as the ZX Spectrum was when Hey Hey 16K was released." https://www.youtube.com/watch Your Ginger Fuhrer reminisces, "Wow. Watched the video for first time in probably 10 years. The terrible bit of clipart I used for the family - the lump of the song I cut out because I wanted it to be nippier (sorry), the crap Frankie t-shirt I photoshopped in as a sop to the 80s. Shame the edges show in that YouTube version - they were cropped in the flash version by HTML - buggers up the framing somewhat. But mostly your great song!" ------------------------------------------------- : 11 THINGS THE NEW LIAM GALLAGHER LP SOUNDS LIKE According to randoms on Twitter Loved that the NME posed the question "What will the new Liam Gallagher album sound like?" and everyone took the absolute piss in the replies. * An angry northern man having a very long argument in a car park * Like your second uncle who can't let go of the 90s and stinks of Stella Artois wanking over his reflection on the mirror * Like Ken Livingstone shouting "Hitler!" in a disabled toilet? * Earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria * Like a massive arsehole trying to sound like the Beatles? * Hard Brexit * Pick any albums by Ringo Starr or Bill Wyman, get drunk, then splice them together * A guide dog being mown down by a sputtering tractor * Like Ian Brown shat himself and started crying in Argos * Like Professor Stephen Hawking getting beheaded * Like that time my cutlery drawer fell out and landed on the ca And in other Liam Gallagher news, the man himself has taken to Twitter to reignite the Brit-pop wars, "That gobshite out of blur might have turned noel Gallagher into a massive girl but believe you me nxt time i see him there's gonna be war." Liam. You're 44 years old. Grow up. (These newsletter writers are 43. Yes, we know) ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED AD Amazon echo (echo, echo, echo) Go and buy some shit on Amazon and we'll get about 50p on each purchase. Er... but what? We actually do recommend the Amazon Echo, it's a lot of fun even it spies on you. What doesn't these days, eh? We've also amused ourselves developing apps to make it swear, but haven't got round to publishing those. Buy one. Really. Make us happy and commit yourselves to corporate surveillance. https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B01GAGVI... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Remember websites? Nah, you're too young * REAPPRAISING NINE LIVES - interesting thread on the recent kids' movie where Kevin Spacey played a man trapped inside a cat's body suggesting it was literally made to talk to Trump. https://twitter.com/jackbern23/status/859883967306... * Love this poster design for a Bridgnorth pub - bet we'll see this ripped off for loads of club nights. https://twitter.com/j0nezy87/status/85936061789081... * This whole thread below these football supporters. Amazing. https://twitter.com/liam__whu/status/8554411952706... * Optical illusion that'll make your brain hurt. http://b3ta.com/links/1436445 * The best pub review you'll read this year. https://goo.gl/ZmRmst ------------------------------------------------- BASIC is 53 years young this week! 10 INPUT "Whose birthday is it?",a$ 20 GOSUB 100: GOSUB 100 30 PRINT "Happy Birthday dear";a$ 40 GOSUB 100: END 100 PRINT "Happy birthday to you": RETURN Please fork our code on GITHUB. https://github.com/robmanuel/happybirthday/blob/ma... ------------------------------------------------- : BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK Two biggest images from /board this week * THERESA MAY AS CIG SMOKER - This from JimmerUK went ballistic - the Twitter version scored nearly 4k likes and shares and 600k+ views on Facebook. And they were just the numbers we could see, as it was widely copied onto other accounts. http://b3ta.com/board/11224887 JimmerUK says "I haven't been this internet famous since I ate dog food." This is true, JimmerUK did eat dog food for an old B3ta newsletter. Ah, those were the days. http://www.jimmeruk.com/Jim-Reports/catfood-vs-dog... * STRONG AND STABLE LEADERSHIP - from the lovely HappyToast who's done so much to keep the image challenges going. http://b3ta.com/board/11224582 ------------------------------------------------- How to improve your Twitter in 5 easy steps. Mute the following terms: Piers Morgan. Podcast. Nuggs. #BBCQT. Strong and Stable Government. ------------------------------------------------- : FIVE TWEETS FROM THE AMUSING "DANNY DYER BOT" 1. I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm about to meet Britain's horniest firemen 2. I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm about to meet Britain's most spherical geese 3. I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm about to meet Britain's most respected horses 4. I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm about to meet Britain's most despicable geese 5. I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm about to meet Britain's softest cats Follow @dannydyerbot NOW: https://twitter.com/dannydyerbot ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but on your compu... via the interne... fuck it, this is just what TV is like now isn't it? * VIDEO OF PUB IN DONCASTER - this gets better every second and looks like a top place to have a night out. https://twitter.com/Leonnoble82/status/85910844125... * ANIMATED DOODLES ON TOP OF VIDEOS - submitted by Dyllon who says, "Trust me you'll like it." And the B3tans indeed liked it. "I liked it," replied Amadeus. You will like it too. http://b3ta.com/links/1437429 * PRINCESS LEIA'S STOLEN DEATH STAR PLANS - popular on the site and rated by viral genius Dr Dunno but we just couldn't get through this. But apparently you'll like it. http://b3ta.com/links/1437340 ------------------------------------------------- : CLASSIC QUESTION OF THE WEEK Nearly 14 years ago we asked you to tell us your dad jokes and now many of you ARE dads and mums. Blimey. * 'Whenever I annoy him he dances about, pointing at me and singing "I shagged your mum, I shagged your mum"' (Zak McFlimby) * 'Imagine the scene: I was about 17, it was a family Christmas gathering, and Dad farts. This gets a giggle from the children, until he turns to me and asks, quite calmly... "Should farts have lumps?"' (Orin) * 'I used to have a Saturday job in the men's department of M&S. My Dad would come in and ask the nearest sales assistant: "Hello! Have you seen my daughter? She works in men's pants".' (butchbint) http://b3ta.com/questions/dadjokes/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT To be honest 18 months is a bit much to cover here so fuck it, here's some stuff that doesn't fit in other sections. Pretty much how we always used this bit. * Your Ginger Fuhrer did a tweet that The Sun Stuck in one of their articles. He then amused himself by changing his name to "Fuck Off Murdoch", so there was a fun three hours with that on their website. https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/8597580426777... * Your man Andrew Wilcox is still doing his wildly successful shed of the year and asking for entries. https://twitter.com/unclewilco/status/844148318150... * Joel Veitch is fine - we saw him the other day on location of a short film he wrote! So that's nice. ------------------------------------------------- Remember: #BUMFriday = Block, Unfollow & Mute BUM @piersmorgan BUM @KTHopkins BUM @Nigel_Farage BUM the lot of them ------------------------------------------------- : FAREWELL PRINCE PHILIP Prince of Trolls With Prince Philip stepping down from public life (and The Sun erroneously announcing his death) it's only right to remember him by a handful of his most offensive, most trollish sentences. Take it away Phil! * "I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing." * "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans." * After being told that Madonna was singing the Die Another Day theme in 2002: "Are we going to need ear plugs?" * On Ethiopian art, 1965: "It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons." * To a British trekker in Papua New Guinea, 1998: "You managed not to get eaten then?" * To female sea cadet last year: "Do you work in a strip club?" * And finally his best ever line: To Susan Edwards and her guide dog in 2002: "They have eating dogs for the anorexic now." ------------------------------------------------- : ALT NEWSLETTER TILES * "A strong and stable newsletter for a strong and stable internet" (Draconacticus ) * "Newsletter #1 for all the new cunts" (robneymcplum) * "Maddie McCann 10 Year Anniversiary Edition." (Ouch, Marxist Pig, ouch!) All your suggestions here: http://www.b3ta.com/board/11225228 ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE * LOGICAL EXTENSION OF THE FACEAPP THINGIE that swaps gender - app that makes porn clips of hot man/lady you. Support our kickstarter. * A MUSIC LAWYER BREAKING DOWN HOW - The Cult got away with having the same chorus on American Horse as David Lee Rother did on Goin' Crazy. Seriously, they are the same. * A COMPENDIUM OF MPs WITH STUPID NAMES - no else find it bad sitcom ridiculous that Fox / Hunt are in the Tory cabinet? Like if Labour had John Trade and Norman Union? ------------------------------------------------- : WE ALSO ENJOYED THIS WEEK The resignation of Andrew Turner MP Particularly this highlight from his Wikipedia page: "On 14 August 2006, Turner was attending the Isle of Wight County Show with his Jack Russell Terrier, when he lost hold of the lead. The dog escaped and attacked a four-year-old ferret who had to be put down. Turner later apologised to the ferret's owner." ------------------------------------------------- : CREDIT Edited by Rob Manuel & David Stevenson. Links via Barst amongst others. ------------------------------------------------- : IF YOU ENJOYED THIS NEWSLETTER AND WANT MORE Please donate to b3ta Seriously. It costs us money to keep servers going and stuff - bung us a couple of quid and we might even write a few more newsletters and not neglect the site so much. http://b3ta.com/donate/ ------------------------------------------------- * Follow b3ta on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/b3ta * Friend b3ta on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/b3tan Seriously. Do this. REALLY. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: VOYEURS! - Sit on your hand AND on your penis. It will feel like someone else is jerking someone else off. (sabre-tooth monkey) Add your own 'top tip' at: http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive