we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THESE BOMBS ARE YOUR FAULT, COMEDIANS. YOUR SATIRE WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * PROJECT - Introducing the 'Clickbait Robot' * VIDEO - How Bladerunner would be shit with Siri * B3TA_LINKS - Finally fixed on Twitter. YAY! ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving ___/ _ |/_ > Blade Runner With A Siri Interface << Black Moon writes, "The description kind of says it all really. No point watching it now." https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Loo Read - Walk on the Wired Side << Merkinhead writes, "My latest piece of paronomasiac nonsense. Twitter profiles "sing" Lou Reed. Hope this one stays up longer than four days... (P.S. There's a tit in it - and I'm not talking about Nick Kamen - so some might consider it NSFW, although I've not ticked the box.) " https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Top Ten Bad Word Wrongs << Eddache writes, "Learn how to talk more gooder" https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Dodge Zombies << I Smash Things in My Sleep Uruk-Hai writes, "Just for Halloween, my little avoid the zombies game. Seriously you will not last 3 minutes." http://www.zettix.com/Graphics/js/dodge3d/index.ht... >> Corporate Monopoly Game << Corington writes, "I made this for work - go round the board trying not to lose all your money to the evil capitalist hat (or just play as the hat)" http://www.globaljustice.org.uk/corporatemonopoly ------------------------------------------------- : GIFT IDEAS FOR MEN Seriously, we understand men and there's only three things worth buying them. Cheese, booze or socks. This isn't a joke, it's the truth. Oh and this Whisky advent calendar looks very nice. Buy that too. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B016C5MHQ... ------------------------------------------------- : HELLO 'CLICKBAIT ROBOT' Your B3ta editor has been coding After not bothering for several years your B3ta editor Rob has been learning Python and made a bot that looks for trending items and turns them into clickbait. Follow on Twitter, Facebook or Tumblr. https://twitter.com/clickbaitrobot https://www.facebook.com/clickbaitrobot http://clickbaitrobot.tumblr.com/ * B3TA LINKS ON TWITTER - Rob also writes about his other bot, "The B3tan, WeirdWeb made this a few years back and it stopped working (2 years ago?) - so he gave me the account and I wrote some exciting code that does pretty much the same thing as it always did." https://twitter.com/b3ta_links ------------------------------------------------- : HOW TO GET YOUR STUFF IN THIS NEWSLETTER Simple really, post on /links/ All you have to do is post your thingie-bob on our links board and if the community and or the site editors like it then you'll appear here. Go on, join in, but don't post and run, hang around and chat a bit else the regulars get arsey. http://b3ta.com/links/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Flat, slow, clicky * 16 ROMANIAN PHRASES THAT BRITISH PEOPLE FIND HILARIOUS - B3tans Rob Manuel & HappyToast did this listicle for Azimo who aren't paying us to promo it but we might as well, anyway it's good! Really! https://azimo.com/en/blog/16-romanian-phrases-brit... * DON'T GIVE THE SUBS ACID - Fred Zeppelin writes, "Very Funny 'Story' From the Peterborough Standard, 1979. Goes off on something of a tangent, let's say." http://bravenewmalden.com/2011/02/03/the-fremony-a... * SNAKE - THE TEXT ADVENTURE - Bootsthealchemist writes, "The Most Fully Awesome Online Version of Snake You've Ever Played!" http://www.draknek.org/games/shitsnake2/#7.l.e.17.q.1e.g.f * WHAT'S YOUR 'SPINAL TAP GUITARIST' NAME - A little known fact is that the name Nigel Tufnell is a play on Eric Clapton. I.e. boring bloke name plus London location. Tube and train stations work well. http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2015/12/03/whats-spinal-t... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE: Some 'free' ideas * Get The Pet Shop Boys to do a cover of Lorem Ipsum. "Lorem. Lorem. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet." * Start a Kickstarter for a 'drugs advent calendar' Bit of smack, lsd & whatevs behind each door. Finish with a cocaine 'white Christmas' * Find a terrorist and ask them what they want. Read lots of "that's what the terrorists want!" but few seem to ask them directly. ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but even shittier * THIS VIDEO IS PURE WOW - here's a pure emotional truth in this song, "the world is burning, let's masturbate". Not even joking. https://www.youtube.com/watch … * FOAM AD - TheWooinator writes, 'I Genuinely Stumbled across this co looking for some foam for my sofa, saw they had a promo and thought, "I bet this HAS to be the most dull promo in history"' http://www.thefoamshop.co.uk/page/152/promo-video * NORTHERN STAR WARS DIRECTED BY KEN LOACH - Pissflaps. writes, "Yoda: 'Shit out of you they will kick'" https://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Revenge II Here's the best stories from last week: * OUTSIDE THE DRIFTWOOD SPARS, ST AGNES - I found Mrs Andrew Ridgeley's purse in the car park of the Driftwood Spars pub. It was stacked with cash and cards. I took it into the pub and handed it to the barman. He then took it over to Mr & Mrs Ridgeley who were eating at a table in the corner of the bar. The barman handed her the purse, and pointed at me to indicate who had handed it in. They didn't even wave at me. No free drink. No pat on the back from the former Wham 'guitarist / singer' or from his equally talented 'singer from Bananarama' wife. I've not bought a single Wham or Bananarama record since that day. That'll teach them. Thinking about it I have bought compilation albums with both 'bands' songs on them. Shit, shit, shit. Really pissed off now. (insignificantsnivellinglittleturd, 5 votes) * IN A CERTAIN NORTH LONDON FIRE STATION............ - There is (or at least was) a 20 year old framed picture on the wall of then local MP and Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. She is surrounded by the boys of Red Watch and smiling whilst holding a large mug of tea. Each of the firemen in that photo had specially wiped their dirty, stinking cocks around the inside of that mug before her "photo opportunity" visit. Sweet revenge for the wave of Fire Station closures that she had instigated. I feel sure that she is not aware of this to this day. (Zuowan, 3 votes) * Read all the other answers from the 'Revenge II' question: http://b3ta.com/questions/Revenge2 >> This week: While the cat's away << This weeks question from social hand grenade who asks, "What have you done when your other half has gone off somewhere for the weekend?" http://b3ta.com/questions/catsaway ------------------------------------------------- : IMAGE CHALLENGE Breakdance Here's the best images from last week: * ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR BOOGALOO - (Ninj) http://b3ta.com/board/11178979 * SKEGNESS IS SO BREAKDANCING - (Ya What?) http://b3ta.com/board/11178982 * CLASSIC BREAKDANCE MOVE 'THE WINDMILL' RENAMED 'THE WINDMIDDLETON' BY ROYAL DECREE - (R2Dtard) http://b3ta.com/board/11179417 * See all the other images from the 'Breakdance' challenge: http://b3ta.com/challenge/breakdance >> This week: Comedy Music Mash up << It's a simple mash up crossover challenge this week. Put musicians in to comedies and comedy characters in to bands. Plenty of punnage to be had. http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedymusicmash ------------------------------------------------- Follow b3ta on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: IF YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIA AND YOU SWALLOW A FLY - Don't swallow a spider to catch it, most are poisonous and you'll die before you even get to the horse. (oneinthepink) Add your own 'top tip' at: http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive