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   NEWSLETTER: "YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT YOUR SUSCEPTIBILITY TO CLICKBAIT SAYS
   ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY!"
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 This Week:
 * HISTORICAL PHOTOS - Camden, then & now
 * ROBOTS - pissed like cyber-newts!
 * KLF ADVERT- yeah, we like KLF stuff OK?
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 ________  ____ __  ___
 ____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Producing 'Code 2'   
 ___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  alerts on the London
 __/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  Underground since 2001"
 B3ta email 669  - 10 July 2015
 Read this issue whist pretending to be a ghost:
 http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue669
 Unfriend b3ta on Facebook:
 https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
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 : SPONSORED LINK
   17 things only Polish people living in the
   UK will understand
   Basically Polish people are pretty amused that
   British taps are so shite - and this is a well
   researched list of observations that'll make you
   see the UK through different eyes.
 http://bit.ly/polish-observations-on-uk
  
  
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 : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
   Other than farting on cushions
  
   * DRUNK ROBOTS - Blackmoon has edited the
   'robots falling over' footage, "to look more
   like the accidents were drink induced."
 http://bit.ly/hey-hey-its-the-alcobots
   * 250 HORROR MOVIES IN 5 MINUTES -  Mr
   Eraserhead writes, "I've spent the last couple
   of months putting this compilation of horror
   movie moments together. All of them from my
   personal DVD collection. Contains a fair amount
   of blood and guts."
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/250_Horror_Movies_in_5_M...
   * NUCLEAR HOLIDAY - Admiral Crunch writes, "I
   enjoy going on hols to places that are, well, a
   bit off the beaten track. So I thought, if I can
   survive Korea, then I can easily survive
   Chernobyl."
 https://www.flickr.com/photos/husey/albums/7215765...
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 : SITES IN BRIEF
   Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
  
   * 50 SHADES OF FLASHHEART - making Mr Grey much
   more likeable by reimagining him being played by
   Rik Mayall.
 http://50shadesofflashheart.tumblr.com/
   * REGIONAL BFI FILMS -  Put in your hometown or
   somewhere equally shit and the BFI will serve up
   one of their archive fillums about that place.
   11 clips for Wolverhampton. Mostly about the
   council. YAY!
 http://player.bfi.org.uk/britain-on-film/map/
   * CAMDEN PHOTOS, THEN AND GO - a collection of
   Facebook pics featuring NW London about 100
   years ago versus what they looks like now.
   Fascinating, so much of mankind's energy is
   devoted to fiddling with the facades of shops.
   (You'll need to be logged into Facebook for this
   link to work.)
 http://bit.ly/north-west-london-time-travel
  
  
   * IT'S A HOT DAY, SO 'BLOW AIR' ON THE LION -
   wish we had one of these in the office. Well,
   not the lion.
 http://codepen.io/Yakudoo/full/YXxmYR/
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 : YOUR GUIDE TO LONDON UNDERGOUND CODES
   Yep, code 2 = poo
  
   Code 1: Blood
   Code 2: Urine/Faeces
   Code 3: Vomit
   Code 4: Spillage
   Code 5: Broken Glass
   Code 6: Litter
   (Thanks Londonist for this - we just googled it
   as we heard a 'code 2' at Bank.)
 -------------------------------------------------
 : STUFF TO READ
   Shove this stuff in your eye-holes
   * RUSSIAN 'TROLL' AGENCY - in-depth report on a
   web misinformation campaign. Frightening to
   think how much of this shite might go on.
 http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/07/magazine/the-age...
   * HERMIT IN THE WOODS - interesting read about a
   bloke who went into the woods and didn't
   reappear until 27 years later. A few mental
   issues and whatnot, but overall surprisingly
   lucid and logical.
 http://www.gq.com/story/the-last-true-hermit
 -------------------------------------------------
 Follow @b3ta on Twitter - if only because we
 occasionally dig out old, obscene stories and stick
 them on photographs of Thatcher.
 https://twitter.com/b3ta/status/618416912381423616
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 : VIDEO SCHMIDEO
   Like TV but with a big chicken hat. Maybe.
  
   * KLF ADVERT - An oddly glorious shot for shot
   remake of 3 AM Eternal to promote a Swedish
   pension company. We put messages to Bill &
   Jimmmy to ask if this was authorised and got
   nothing.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * BRETT DOMINO TEACHES ALED JONES TO RECORD
   'JUMP AROUND' ON AN IPAD - an enjoyable slice of
   daytime TV.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * 10 YEARS AGO R. KELLY RELEASED 'TAPPED IN THE
   CLOSET' - we watched this again in tribute. If
   you never saw it, then the Adam & Joe review is
   a pretty good start.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch
   * DROPPED SHOVEL SOUNDS LIKE NIRVANA - finally a
   sequel to the 'tube gate that sounds like Blur's
   Song 2' thingie.
 http://www.b3ta.com/links/dropped_shovel_sounds_li...
   * THE NEIGHBOURS UPSTAIRS AND THOSE STRANGE
   NOISES THEY MAKE - living in a small flat, this
   made a lot of sense to us.
 http://bit.ly/shut-up-please-shut-up
 -------------------------------------------------
 : QUESTION OF THE WEEK
   Festival Tales
 
   Last week we wanted your Festival Tales Your
   favourites can be found here:
 http://http://b3ta.com/questions/festivalsII/
 
   Here's a selection of our favourites:
 
   * FENCE CLIMBING  Years ago, a mate and I got
   caught climbing the fence at Glastonbury. They
   made us go back inside and watch the rest of
   Coldplay. (Joy Division Oven Gloves)
 
   * SNAKE - I got a job working in the first Rock
   above the falls festival. It was badly
   organised, despite some larger bands like
   Blondie playing there. I was given a Hi Vis vest
   but given no other instruction about what to do.
   So I smoked pot and sort of just hung around
   hoping to chat with some of the bands backstage.
   I was crossing the fields between tents and the
   stage when people started screaming. A brown
   snake, about 2m long, had been spotted right
   amongst the punters. People turned to me. Now
   I'm pretty live and let live when it comes to
   wildlife, but this was Australia and the buggers
   are poisonous. I wrenched a star picket out of
   the ground with the intention of clubbing the
   slithering bastard to death. I went for a big
   overhead whack and missed it completely, it rose
   up and back coiling for a strike but fortunately
   my next blow connected and broke it's spine (it
   being mostly spine), and then the hippy druggy
   onlookers were treated to watching me stoving in
   its head to a bloody mess for good measure. I
   dropped its lifeless body in the bin. Took no
   joy from the whole incident. (cumquat may)
 
   * OLD MAN RAVER - Went to a sparsely-attended
   rave in Phoenix Of the dozen or so people in
   attendance, there was a courtly-looking fellow,
   age about 70 - a bit out of place. So, I pointed
   towards the stage and asked: "What do you think
   of the music?" He thought for a second, and
   diplomatically replied: "It's like Sinatra."
   (Perv With A Dog)
 
   >> This Week  THAT ONE MATE <<
   Second Best Porcupine asks, Can we have another
   story about that lovable scamp Alan, please? We
   all know an Alan. Tell us about that one mate
   who can't help but get in to trouble.
 http://b3ta.com/questions/alan/
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 : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Results from the 'Undead Sitcom' challenge
   Last week we poured over the Radio Times in
   search of zombie tv comedy gold.
 
   Your favourite results included:
   * Meldrew: he doesnt bereave it.
   (Jabberwoc)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11160273
   * Accorah: Weekly abuse from the spirit world.
   (FreshWaterMole)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11160055
   * Delboy: Trigger done a face. (Ham OShatner)
 http://b3ta.com/board/11160111
  
   All these images, and a load more can be found
   here:
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/undeadsitcom/
 
   >> New challenge: New uses for tools <<
   This week we're thinking up new uses for those
   tools and gadgets stuck in the back of our
   drawers. Take something from the kitchen,
   toolbox or shed, use it in ways you shouldn't
   and send us the photo evidence. Or just
   photoshop someone abusing a lawnmower.
 http://b3ta.com/challenge/toolreuse/
 -------------------------------------------------
   THANKS:
   This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
   Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Jimbotfu, pissflaps,
   evil_andy, chompedhomas & Fray Brentos. Image
   challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
   bloke. Tip by robneymcplum.
  
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 Friend b3ta on Facebook:
 https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
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