we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "CONTAINS OFFICIAL BORIS JOHNSON NOVELTY SWEARING KEYRING" next issue » « previous issue "Contains official Boris Johnson novelty swearing keyring" This Week: * INTERNET BOLLOCKS - Lots of it * WEB SHENANIGANS - Yep, that too * TCP/IP LOLS - We've got them ------------------------------------------------- _______ ____ __ ___ ___/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the bottles __/ _ |/_ > I'm A Robot << PI Bennett has taken a short video of a child pretending to be a robot and turned it into a tune. Well done. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Im_A_Robot >> Subterranean Facebook Blues << Following "Soc.Media Rhapsody" and "Twittering Heights", here is another social profile lyrical punfest. Thanks Merkinhead, you're spoiling us. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Subterranean_Facebook_Bl... >> True confession: "I stole a Clanger" << Mushybees writes, "Just a story about the time I tried to steal one of The Clangers, in front of hundreds of people and Oliver Postgate. I'm an idiot." http://bit.ly/true-life-confession ------------------------------------------------- : SOCIAL MEDIA HASHTAG CONTENT Sorry, we've a Facebook page :( * Sing, "Bag for life, bag for reality" - once you see this image it'll change how you shop forever! http://bit.ly/try-and-get-this-out-of-your-head * 1970s Alan Sugar is basically Matt Berry http://bit.ly/here-is-a-tv-movie-waiting-to-happen * Anyone fancy a Beatles and Jimmy Savile caption compo? http://bit.ly/jimmy-friends-with-beatles ------------------------------------------------- : LONDON BISH, LONDON BASH, LONDON BOSH Unofficial meet on Sat * From 3pm - 6pm - The Royal Oak on Tabard Street (the site of the last London Bash) * 6pm onwards - The Miller, Snowfields, London Bridge/Borough area. http://www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/25474 ------------------------------------------------- : APOLOGIES FOR MAKING YOU READ THIS JOKE It won't happen again What's the difference between Van Morrison and a Morrisons van? One wrote Astral Weeks and the other's an Astra with leeks. ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * There's two kinds of people in this world - enjoyable, well observed illustrations. http://2kindsofpeople.tumblr.com/ * Liking this Amazon review for a bra top - scroll down and find the cat. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00RT1KB98/... * We got round to listening to the fan-made KLF doc. Liked it so much we listened twice. Turn up loud. http://bit.ly/turn-up-the-strobe * Keeping it 90s dance - anyone who remembers The Orb's Little Fluffy Clouds will find the actual interview the vocal came from pretty interesting. http://bit.ly/what-were-the-skies-like-when-you-we... * The Jazz Computer is moderately entertaining if you like experimental HTML5 art. And we do. http://jazz.computer/ * "Oh hello. I won a 6-foot dildo throne. This is my story." Amuses us mainly as winning this is clearly a problem. http://bit.ly/dildo-twat ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but without the dust on the screen * 9 million people have listened to this song and according to the YouTube comments, most of them regret it https://www.youtube.com/watch * So this bloke goes and does an hour long lecture to the people at Google, explains that women fancy vampires and men like transgendered porn. Blimey! https://www.youtube.com/watch * "It works like a normal ukulele but it also shoots fire" - Mad Max video fan fiction done right. https://www.youtube.com/watch * Did you ever use a CGA PC? They were around in early 80s. We never saw ours do anything like this. Extraordinary. https://www.youtube.com/watch * This early version of A-ha's Take On Me is fascinating. Riff there, verse almost there but horrible chorus. https://www.youtube.com/watch * Construction workers play whack-a-mole. Amusing. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Construction_Workers ------------------------------------------------ : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'LLamas' challenge Last week we took a ride on the one headed push-me-pull-you that is the Llama. We also stroked an alpaca or two and drew pictures. * Recall: Get your Llama to Mars. (FreshWaterMole) http://b3ta.com/board/11156105 * Spiritual Surrealism: Furry, art-faith lols. (BrianO'Blivion) http://b3ta.com/board/11155889 * Culture Club: so bad its good. (Ninj) http://b3ta.com/board/11156152 All these images, and a load more can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/llamas/ >> New challenge: 25x25 << Manic knitter Smash Monkey has volunteered her services. Design a piece of pixel perfection in 25x25 squares or less and she'll turn it into a lovely, cosy blanket. http://b3ta.com/challenge/25x25/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Not Getting the Job Last week we asked if you'd ever cheated yourself out of a job: http://b3ta.com/questions/notgettingthejob/ * FASCIST – "Being a hippy greeny type in my youth, I volunteered with the National Trust restoring a river bank and clearing bramble from an ancient woodland. When a job came up with my local National Park Service, my CV and application letter hit their desks before the ink on the advert had dried! I was so keen because it truly was the job of a lifetime. Sadly I blew the interview due to nerves. The final nail was hammered into my coffin of failure when I got confused with my National bodies and claimed to have done extensive voluntary work with the National Front." (Rev. Jayneflakes) * SPANG – "My bro told me about a job interview he had once. It went wrong just as he was leaving; shaking his interviewers hand he blurted out "Cheers to meet you!", then in a confusion of embarrassment at having said something so daft, turned on his heel and walked face first into a pillar." (eViLegion) * OOPS – "In 2001 I had the possibility of moving to Australia with my employer's blessing (and sponsorship - despite me being over the age limit) I was being interviewed in Australia house when the question 'Have you ever been in prison' came up. 'Is it still compulsory?' wasn't the answer they were looking for apparently." (Captain Placid) >> This Week – FUNNY STORIES << Back to basics this week no strict question just tell us some funny things that have happened to you: http://b3ta.com/questions/funnystories/ ------------------------------------------------- Say yes: [email protected] Sod you then: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @maqusan, The Tramp Surveyor and tits. Subjlols via HappyToast. Tip via browser. ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED LINK! AGAIN! WHY NOT? Racing Post Horse Name Generator Harness powerful science to learn if you're a Northumberland Chorizo or a Back Door Merkel Learn your racehorse name and rating. http://bit.ly/nagname ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSOR B3TA Want this space? Then talk to us. Please do, because if we sell an advert it motivates us to write a newsletter! http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- Friend b3ta on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/b3tan ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Insults! You can hurt someone's feelings by taking two negative traits and putting a "Mc" between them, to create a pretend name. eg: Lazy McThick, Nasty McStupid, Ugly McBoring. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive