we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE HAS GOT AN APPLE WATCH? THEY'LL TELL YOU." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * INTERACTIVE - Guardian hivemind, look at it? * TOILETS - How much are your poos worth? * AUDIO - What does a tortilla sound like? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving our ___/ _ |/_ > New challenge: Celebrity Deaths 2 << We last dabbled in funny famous fatalities back in 2007, which means we've had 8 years of new z-list celebs to imagine terrible fates for. Think up hilarious and possibly ironic endings to befall our idols - then bring them to life with the power of photoshop. http://b3ta.com/challenge/celebdeath2/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT DEBUNKS MINECRAFT'S LIES - someone needs to stop our kids learning this bad science. http://www.ga.gov.au/corporate_data/79560/79560.pd... * DAILY MAIL PRANK - Hilarious! The DM run a story and embed a tweet, and then the twitter account owner changes their name to "THE MAIL LIES" http://blog.dave.org.uk/2015/04/quoted-by-the-dail... * WHAT DID THE FIRST APPLE HOMEPAGE LOOK LIKE - shit is the answer. http://kfury.com/the-first-apple-homepage * A GUY WHOSE LAST NAME IS NULL IS DRIVING DATABASE MANAGERS INSANE - one for the coders reading our newsletter. http://bit.ly/do-not-google-nullos * POWERFUL ARTICLE ON KATIE HOPKINS FROM THE ALWAYS WONDERFUL THE QUIETUS - let's hope they're wrong though and we're not slowly slipping into fascism. http://thequietus.com/articles/17740-katie-hopkins... * PHOTOSHOP LOLS - So this guy asked the internet to photoshop the Eiffel Tower under his finger. What happened next won't surprise you in the least (they wilfully misunderstood his instructions). Hopefully it will amuse you though. http://imgur.com/a/zlwlK ------------------------------------------------- FOLLOW @B3TA ON TWITTER: Imagine if you could see all the front-paged B3ta images, the odd other thing we found funny and a link to the newsletter in amongst a load of tosh from your friends? Well that is possible. THANKS TWITTER! (4,822 followers, all of them SEXY.) https://twitter.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like a cinema but without the ice-cream interval * MELANCHOLY NIGEL FARAGE SONG - TheBigDoge writes, "I've found a nice link on youtube. It's a music video featuring Nigel Farage. It was directed by the brother of one of my mates." https://www.youtube.com/watch * ARGH THE DRUGS - You might not be in the mood for an acid flashback but this version of Full Metal Jacket is giving us vapour trails http://bit.ly/nam-man-it-was-bad * JOCKEY'S TROUSERS FALL DOWN WHILST HORSE RACING - as they say it's a cracking finish. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crack_ing_finish * VOTE FOR FROGLET! At the 1974 general election Oliver Postgate, despairing of the political classes, made an episode of The Clangers introducing '70s toddlers to the delights of anarcho-syndicalism. This is a thing that ACTUALLY happened, and the BFI site allows you to watch it all. http://player.bfi.org.uk/film/watch-vote-for-frogl... * WHAT IF MAN OF STEEL WAS IN COLOR? - Turns out the recent Superman film was graded with such a muted palette that it barely looks like Superman at all. https://www.youtube.com/watch * SCHADENFREUDE LOLS AT TIDAL - As the music streaming app drops below 700 in the iTunes chart, fun is to had at the expense of its poor, multi-millionaire pop-star backers. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Help_end_their_suffering... * WHAT A TORTILLA SOUNDS LIKE ON A RECORD PLAYER - Who'd have thought it? http://bit.ly/tum-te-tum-te-tum ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA BOOKS BIT A special section because er... BOOKS! * READ ABOUT HOW TO SURVIVE IN PRISON - cairns.alan writes, "My friend has updated his prison guide, as featured in b3ta #503. The guide is still free online as a PDF, but is also available to buy on paper. It also includes new illustrations by FT/Private Eye cartoonist Banx, and comes with a seal of approval from Will Self. "Unfortunately my friend has lost control of prisonism.info, and the content is now on prisonism.com. It would be great if you could feature this in the newsletter again, all profits go back into prisoner support projects. http://www.prisonism.com/ * "INVADED BY THE IWATCH" - This is an actual ebook you can buy. It's vaguely satirical - science fiction / consumer fetishism stuff. But mostly we're linking to it because we like the cover and the title. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00V2WXYO... * DEAR MR LE BON - Paul writes, "Two dear chums of mine Mr Wilf Turnbull and Mr Derek Philpott of Bournemouth, active pensioners with enquiring minds, have written a book, detailing their communications with pop stars, requesting them to come clean about the meaning of their lyrics. "So far respondents have included Nik Kershaw,, Gary Numan, Toyah, Suggs, Howard Jones, The Communards, Glenn Gregory of Heaven 17, Mark King of Level 42 and Yazz, along with many others. Examples of the responses can be found at Wilf's site here:" http://www.wilfturnbull.co.uk/ And crowd fund it into a book here: http://bit.ly/duran-duran-rule-and-thats-why-we-ar... ------------------------------------------------- What's your 'Tory' name? http://edmilibandbeingsexy.tumblr.com/image/115599... ------------------------------------------------- Thankers: [email protected] Wankers: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by RompaStompa, jonofthesouth, nordelius & Fork Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via @JuliaRampenMM. ------------------------------------------------- : PRIMUS UK TOUR Bonus ad repeating - thanks B3ta! Primus opens up a portal to their weird Primus psychedelic world this June, touring London, Manchester and Birmingham. Two sets: One of oddball classics and the other exploring their re-imagining of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. http://kililive.com/artists/primus ------------------------------------------------- Friend b3ta on Facebook: (3,695 likes) https://www.facebook.com/b3tan ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Wow - someone actually emailed us with an actual tip. Old school. Here we go, thememoryhole writes, "Piss on your garden. It adds nitrogen." next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive