we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "NONE FOR AGES THEN FOUR IN A ROW - THE LONDON BUS OF WEEKLY INTERNET BOLLOCKS" next issue » « previous issue "None for ages then four in a row - the London bus of weekly internet bollocks" This Week: * ORGAN - Cameron Carpenter humorous skit * GINGER-FACED MAN - "My struggle" * BOOM! - play your own 1812 Overture game ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving bottles ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK >> Cameron Carpenter's Incredible Organ << Musician Cameron Carpenter is a pretentious cock and Pig Face Turnip & Leemondus have been mocking him mercilessly. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cameron_Carpenters_Incre... >> B3tan Ted talk (well TedX)<< Ha. Here's a TED talk where they argue social media has something to learn from B3ta - 11 minutes in. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Put_social_back_in_socia... >> Anti-snooping tool << Sinisterduck writes, "A quick tool to remove extra image data (geolocation, date, time) from images. You know, in case you want to upload naughty stuff. Just drag the image in and save it clicking a button - no uploading involved, happens on your computer." http://removephotodata.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M The other B3taish project * Dance Dance Revolution: 1812 Overture Edition Bang! Crash! Explode! Fun times ahead! This is our favourite thing we've ever put out. http://games.usvsth3m.com/dance-dance-revolution-1... * Microsoft have killed Nokia so play our "90s Nokia Nostalgia Game" now! http://games.usvsth3m.com/90s-nokia-nostalgia-game... * Your B3ta editor was forced by colleagues to write this, it's all a bit embarrassing. "The 15 stages of being a ginger-haired man" http://usvsth3m.com/post/100747911063/the-15-stage... * The tramp who married a badger, and 20 other spectacular Sunday Sport headlines http://usvsth3m.com/post/100670376748/the-tramp-wh... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Silly Achievements Last week we wanted you to tell us about the little things that you'd done that brought you pleasure far beyond their size: http://b3ta.com/questions/sillyachievements * HP - "In t'olden days when I wor a lad, the label on HP sauce bottles had a description of the contents in both English and French. The French version began with, 'Cette sauce de haute quality est un melange de fruits orientaux, d'epices et de vinaigre de malt.' It went on for quite a few sentences more and for some reason I learned the whole passage by heart and became most proficient at reciting it. Quite an achievement... but that's not it. As a student I discovered by chance that laydees just can't say no when a bit of French is whispered in their ears. Consequently for years I have got my end away to the whispered description of brown sauce. I should be ashamed of myself. But I'm not." (mallyjoe) * OED - "I once corrected the Oxford English Dictionary. They'd cited a poem as a reference and had the title and date of the poem wrong. So I wrote them an email and I got a reply back thanking me for pointing out the mistake and promising to correct it in the next edition, which they did. Quite boring, but it does mean when someone tells me something's right because the dictionary says so I can just go 'I fucking CORRECT the dictionary!' Lots of people at work don't like me much." (SnowyTheWereRabbit) * PLOP - "At a picnic a female friend was telling me off for making a joke about girls not being able to throw. Apparently it was nonsense and there was no reason to believe that I, as a not even especially sporty man, could throw any better than anyone else. Mid-harangue, I managed to launch a marshmallow down her gullet." (SnowyTheWereRabbit) >> This Week - Control Freaks << Peej writes, "My mate Tony's dad used to weigh the breakfast cereal in the morning to make sure everybody got an equal amount and the pack provided the exact amount of servings advertised on the packet." Sound familiar? Tell us more: http://b3ta.com/questions/controlfreaks/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * Greatest album cover of all time? NSFW. http://i.imgur.com/zy8DezB.jpg * Wonderfully bitchy Guardian article on Chris Moyles kicking him so hard we actually started to feel sorry for him. http://gu.com/p/42ygf * Theremin simulator - ChiTown Guy writes, "This is sucking up WAY too much of my time and is a prime example of why I turn the Internet off on Sundays so I can get work/cleaning done." http://femurdesign.com/theremin/ * Yew Tree Grooming Scandal - Fitznicely writes, "Unfortunate Company Name of the Day! A leaflet for this company was pushed through my letter box today. Should I call the police?" http://yewtreegrooming.com/contact-us * Woman orders "fur wolf tail" for Halloween - it's er... not exactly what she thought it was. https://mobile.twitter.com/glitteratty/status/5242... * Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika - christ! http://riffingreligion.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/co... ------------------------------------------------- We just tried a thought experiment imagining a world in which the Kings of Leon didn't exist. It was identical to this one but slightly better. ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO * UKIP Calypso response: http://www.b3ta.com/links/UKIP_Calypso:2 * HASHTAG GAMERGATE - we've been watching this video on repeat and giggling. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Youre_not_even_a_real_jo... * THROWING PIZZA - into a microwave across the street. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Throwing_a_pizza_into_a_... ------------------------------------------------- * BUSINESS IDEA: considering how much the middle-class drink, there should be wine floats delivering two bottles on the doorstep every morning. ------------------------------------------------ : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Cakes in Films' challenge Last week we asked you to turn movies in to episodes of Choccywoccydoodah. Your favourites included: * 2 weeks: Verhoeven’s classic cookery show Total Bake Off (HappyToast) http://b3ta.com/board/11106320 * Lost Cake: Indy can't choose (Q4nobody) http://b3ta.com/board/11106089 * WeightWatchers3: Ripley tries to resist (Ninj) http://b3ta.com/board/11106154 All these images, and a couple more can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/cakefilms/ >> New challenge: New Religious Products << This week we’re adding to the tat found in churchy gift shops. Help us fill up the shelves with unlikely holy artifacts. http://b3ta.com/challenge/religioustat/ ------------------------------------------------- * BUSINESS IDEA 2: a service that sends you Empire magazine two months late so it's talking about films that you can actually go and see tonight. ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. When you make wishes make sure your wishes are things you actually want to come true. http://usvsth3m.com/post/100496115923/we-asked-the... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * A TWITTER ACCOUNT CALLED "SAVED YOU A WATCH" - Soylent Green is people. Saved You A Watch. Satire! * SOME KIND OF MASH UP - with Frank Spencer going "Ooh Betty" over this Ram Jam's Black Betty https://www.youtube.com/watch * Single serving website idea: is-it-on-Netflix . com - big letters: NO. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- We do like the sequence of Russell Brand's bibliography: My Booky Wook, My Booky Wook 2, REVOLUTION. ------------------------------------------------- Yay: [email protected] Nay: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard: https://twitter.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by the fragrant b3ta masses yearning to breathe free . Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via HappyToast. We do like the sequence of Russell Brand's bibliography: My Booky Wook, My Booky Wook 2 then... REVOLUTION. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: The best ever tip is from Undercovercarrot - it's actually 20 things you should know if you call an ambulance. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/post120481 next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive