we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: WIN A LEOPARD*! next issue » « previous issue This Week: * DOUGLAS ADAMS - Final interview * UKULELE Vs CAT - Who will win? * FUNNY NAME CORNER - deluxe! ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting in ___/ _ |/_ > An overview of Sabrina the Teenage Witch << Ambegris writes, "My comics blog strays into unexpected territory..." http://the-slipper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/sabrina-... >> Ancient Roman shit << Curis writes, "I found a fragment of Ancient Roman stonework. The reconstructed image was declared 100% accurate by archaeologists." http://www.ninjabread.co.uk/ancient-roman-stonewor... >> Nice song (sort of) << Tickle writes, "I made this good song and less good video to go with it. there's tiny cameo by jeremy the annoying horse to gooden it up a bit." https://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M STUFF The other 'b3ta-ish' project * Around the World in 80 Million Clicks - Click to help power our skyboat around the world! He's at Greece right now again! http://games.usvsth3m.com/around-the-world/ * Apple Watch Simulator - Open as many apps as you can before the battery runs out http://games.usvsth3m.com/apple-watch/ * How Old Is Your Hearing? - Find out the true age of your poor, old lugholes! http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-old-is-your-hearing/ * Working From Home Simulator - Can you actually get any work done? http://games.usvsth3m.com/choose-your-own/working-... * "How Well Do You Know Me?" - Make a custom quiz about the most important topic of all, you! http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-well-do-you-know/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * 8 SIGNS HE'S CHEATING - amusing nonsense from Clickhole, which deserves more attention than you might initially think. The core joke is mixing up modern clickbait with ancient bollocks about looking for signs that aren't really there. But here's the thing, "does he/she fancy you?" this theme is as old as time and your great grandkids will still be looking for answers. http://t.co/rd4k0Zj6l2 * BALL IN WATER - everything you know about how to make things wobble on the internet needs to relearned. http://madebyevan.com/webgl-water/ * WHAT WAS ON TELLY THE DAY YOU WERE BORN - stuff that's deffo more interesting than what they broadcast now. *old people grumbling* http://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/ * SLITTERNS - kittens with sloth faces. We reckon we could write a bot to make this shit up. http://slittens.tumblr.com/ * AUCTION SITE THAT SPECIALISES CRIMINAL MEMORABILIA - drawings by serial killers etc, it's genuinely sinister *gets out chequebook* *explains to kids what a chequebook is* http://www.supernaught.com/ * 28 PEOPLE HAVE BID ON THIS ROLF HARRIS PAINTING OF A CAT - they probably should check out the site we've mentioned above. Not that http://goo.gl/jS8EoC * 7 EXTRAORDINARY MOMENTS from Christian computer games that’ll make you believe in God OR damn your soul to eternal hellfire trying http://goo.gl/LpLgvU ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but with more dust & spit on the screen * ONE OF THOSE VIDEOS THAT'S BADLY SHOT, in the dark, wrong aspect ratio but the last few seconds make up for it. Much like our sex-life. Or something. http://www.b3ta.com/links/wait_for_it:44 * UKULELE SINGER VS CAT - we're betting you hope the cat wins and you'd be entirely correct. Although to make you feel bad, the singer says, "If you're a miserable person who only gets joy from bashing people with hateful words while hiding behind a computer screen, then by all means, use my video to make your day!" http://www.b3ta.com/links/Good_cat * DIY EXCITING CAR NOISES - apparently the new trick is to stick a bit of innertube on the exhaust pipe. Exciting times. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crazy_russian_bastards * SHUT UP AND WATCH THIS - yes you, shut the fuck up and use your eyes for some internet madness. Your regret will be eternal. http://www.b3ta.com/links/SHUT_UP_AND_WATCH_THIS * ELECTROLUX HAVE LOST THEIR TINY MINDS - This isn't the future of the kitchen, who wants holographic fish? You want some fucking cheese! http://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/elux/electrolux-... * FINAL DOUGLAS ADAMS INTERVIEW - Ten days before he died he said sadly, "You're going to be seeing a lot more books over the next few years." BTW: Been reading about Douglas Adams. If you click his name on his old website, it's a mailto link like he's still around * internet unhappy face * http://www.youtube.com/watch * GLEN CAMPBELL SINGS HIS FINAL SONG - it's called 'not going to miss you' and it's about his dementia. Powerful, frightening stuff. http://blog.thealzheimerssite.com/notgonnamissyou/ ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Triple entry - yay! * BEST HAULAGE FIRM EVER? 'Hello, are you Inter-Cox?' 'Yes, we are Inter-Cox'... (thanks Haywood Manley) http://en.inter-cox.com/ * FOOTBALL BOLLOCKS - chiptooth writes, "A couple of years ago, I nominated footballer Mario Gotze for Unfortunate Names Corner in the Newsletter, as his name sounds like the way I imagine goatse is pronounced. He didn't make the newsletter back then, maybe too obscure? Anyway, I'd like to point out that he score the winning goal in the World Cup final recently...." Oh ok then. * A WOMAN WHO MUST GET REALLY SICK OF THE JOKES - suggested by reelix. http://www.bizcommunity.com/Article/196/423/112719... ------------------------------------------------ : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Useless Machines' challenge Last week we asked you to invent gadgets that achieve nothing at all. Your favourites included: * Cycle inflation: The failed attempt to upgrade the penny farthing (monkeon) http://b3ta.com/board/11104825 * Clegg in control: Political powerhouse has a go (Fresh Water Mole) http://b3ta.com/board/11105158 * Animal Vaccuum: solves the problem of hairs around the house (Ya What?) http://b3ta.com/board/11104819 All these images, and a couple more can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/uselessmachines/ >> New challenge: Cakes in Films << This week we’re putting victoria sponges, choux buns, battenburgs and even the controversial Jaffa Cake in to the movies. http://b3ta.com/challenge/cakefilms/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * ERRORS - rmwotherspoon writes, "Hi - you mentioned a 'Black Seinfeld' sketch in your newsletter. Have you any idea where I could find this?" Sorry, we are idiots - we meant Black Cosby Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch * AN APPEAL FOR HELP - johnny_commando writes, "Being a typical internet user I have little content to provide for your site... although I did almost once finish a flash animation of a drunk horse singing teenage kicks. "Anyways, with your mighty internet powers, of which I have been an avid onlooker for many, many years, can you do anything to bring back mingthemerciless.com?" ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * FOLDABLE SHOE - The person who patents a decent foldable running shoe for stuffing in a gym bag would end up very rich. * A CURE FOR AIDS THAT WORKS AS A SEXUALLY-TRANSMITTED DISEASE - meaning it's our moral obligation to do the sex as much as possible. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Hits : [email protected] Shits : [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- Follow @b3ta on Twitter and become rich and wildly successful: https://twitter.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tits, jakedamusss, Tab Hunter, barst & Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- : THOUGHT(S) FOR THE DAY * I like big butts and I can not lie, much to the irritation of my English teacher who frowned on pupils starting sentences with a conjunction * In Wolfenstein 3D you get to kill Hitler. Considering he killed himself - maybe whole game is about YOU BEING HITLER? ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Bored? Simply toss yourself off. (eViLegion) Still bored? Play 'Crapper Mapper': 10 toilets from around the world. Where are they from? http://games.usvsth3m.com/crapper-mapper/ ------------------------------------------------- * Leopard may vary from illustration, contents of leopard may settle during transit, your leopard may be at risk if you do not keep up payments. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive