we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IT MAY BE FULL OF BOLLOCKS BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE DAILY MAIL" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * DINOSAURS - Terrible Lizards * 'PROTEST' - Slap Michael Gove * BOARD GAME - Tweets and Ladders ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're thinkfluencing ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Yep. Stuff by B3tans. Fuck yeah! >> Dinosaurs: Terrible Lizards << Joel Veitch writes, "'Dinosaurs' means literally 'terrible Lizards' - our new documentary shows how they live up to their fearsome name." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dinosaurs_Terrible_Lizar... >> Teen Thangz 9 << Dogfood: "Might be a bit zany for some" http://www.b3ta.com/links/Teen_Thangz_9 >> Investigation of the ageing effects of beard << Zetsumetsu writes, "I took some photos of me with and without a beard and posted them on guessmyage.net. I've written up the results of my statistical analysis along with some 'amusing' partial-shave photos." http://ainsworld.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/the-bear... ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW @B3TA ON THE TWITTERS FOR IMAGES Because we're partying like it's 2007 Yeah. Lots of images. We're late to Twitter but fuck it. https://twitter.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M BOLLOCKS Other stuff made by roughly the same team * Slap Michael Gove - he's been slapped 20,069,820 times so far. Join in! Slap his head! http://games.usvsth3m.com/slap-michael-gove/ * Tweets & Ladders, the social media board game phenomenon. Sick of people mocking your social media addiction? Want to prove to people that you can still interact with real humans? Then you’re in luck! http://usvsth3m.com/post/91343316848/ * Can you hit the back of the net in our Realistic Brazil 2014 Game! http://games.usvsth3m.com/brazil-2014/ ------------------------------------------------- : PACT COFFEE, DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR (Sponsored) Exclusive B3ta offer, delicious fresh coffee Get your first 250g bag of Pact Coffee sent to home or work for just £1 when you use code 'b3ta' here: http://bit.ly/1xbIF7P Just buy some chuffing coffee alright? Cheers. ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK False Economies We asked you if being a cheapskate had ever bitten you badly: http://b3ta.com/questions/falseeconomies/ * WELCOME TO THE CHEAP MEATS - "I'm a big fan of cooking on a budget, but one day I went too far. I tried to cook with Sainsbury's Value Mince and make the cheapest chilli con carne ever whilst astounding my family with the revelation that it only cost a quid... What a twat. "As soon as I opened the pack, I realised this wasn't one of my wisest purchases. Where normally you'd find minced beef, I saw an explosion in a guts factory. Bright red strands of god-knows-what mingled with huge clumps of gristle, all liberally decorated with sections of white tube. I dreaded to think which parts of the cow I was looking at. Probably the broken dreams. And anus. "Still, I refused to be beaten and soldiered on with the recipe. I spent something like half an hour picking through this carton of takeaway autopsy, hooking out all the nasty-looking bits, removing the little (and not so little) bits of tube, running the Squish test on anything I wasn't sure about. "It took twice as long as normal to make a very small chilli. I decided against the big reveal at the end. I realised it probably wasn't wise for me to announce that they'd just eaten ground-up ringpiece." (costas) * SECOND CLASS - "Some years ago I was arranging travel for children going to residential holidays. This involved spending many hours on the phone to The Trainline, sorting scores of tickets into neat, little piles and packaging them up for the escorting staff. "The last time I did it, everything was ready about three weeks in advance and I handed them over the the chap who ran the organisation for posting. Did he post them? Did he hell. "He kept the envelopes on his desk for two weeks, 'in case there were any changes' and then, with three days to go, he posted them. Second class. "The result was inevitable. Only one packet of tickets arrived on time, and replacements for all the others had to be bought at short notice with no advance purchase deals. "Total cost to the organisation: a shade under £500, total savings from using second class post: £1.62" (ubergeekian) * STAG DO - "Before going on my mate's stag do, we all decided to buy "hilarious" plastic breasts to wear. Most bought some made of sturdy rubber but I went for the cheapest, fragile plastic, ones. "Not surprisingly, mine fell apart almost immediately and I had to look on jealously at all my full breasted mates. That's right. They were false economy comedy falsies." (My Front Fell Off) >> This Week: ANYTHING FOR MONEY << How low have you sunk to earn a few quid? http://b3ta.com/questions/anythingformoney/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * KIDS FALLING OVER GIFS - hope they're ok. Ah fuck it, who cares? http://imgur.com/a/cPCPz * PERSON 'SHOPS TIM O' TOOLE'S FACE EVERY TIME HIS TRAIN IS DELAYED. Surely the work of a b3tan? http://timsfaces.tumblr.com/ * AMUSING SESAME STREET TYPO - that's NOT how you spell The Count. http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/12/... ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like a VHS but without the tracking issues * SINISTER SKETCH - what did Mel Smith & Griff Rees Jones know? They fucking knew. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Classic:4 * DOG PUSHES CAT INTO BATH - mean, doggy bastard. https://www.youtube.com/watch * CHILD DOES DANCE - might be influenced by err adults. Odd. http://a.pomf.se/oqgrsr.webm * LUMBERJACK RESCUES BLACK BEAR - with milk can stuck on head. The bear, not the lumberjack. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lumberjacks_cameraphone_... * LEAKED STAR WARS EPISODE VII FILMSET FOOTAGE - la la la words. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Leaked_Star_Wars_Episode... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from 'Toy Mashup' Last week we asked you to go all Doctor Frankenstein on your childhood memories. Chopping and stitching two or more toys together to make a better one.. Our favourites included: * PLASTIC SURGERY: Barbie undergoes the surgeon's knife with added buzzers (barryheadwound) http://b3ta.com/board/11086801 * HULK JENGA: Familiar scenes recreated in wood and plastic. (SnappyUK) http://b3ta.com/board/11086711 * BOPPITBABY: So wrong it’s right (Afinkawan) http://b3ta.com/board/11086871 All these images, and many more can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/toymashup/ >> New challenge: Minimalist Movie Posters << This week's challenge is to distil your favourite movie in to its simplest visual form. Suggested by monkeon. http://b3ta.com/challenge/minimalistmovies/ ------------------------------------------------- Sub: [email protected] Snub: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- : Follow @b3ta on Twitter and win a leopard https://twitter.com/b3ta ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Afinkawan, Tab Hunter, coliander, Mudface, redflame, Pissflaps, redflame, prodigy69, jeffrey44 & buffet_the_appetite_slayer. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Tip via Devon Dan in 2006. Fuck me. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Freezing worms makes them easier to sharpen. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive