we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: BANK HOLIDAY WANK HOLIDAY next issue » « previous issue This Week: * UKIP - Sir Ian Bowler at Carnival * NEAR-DEATH - Your thrilling tales * STAR WARS - directed by David Lynch ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Come back up ___/ _ |/_ > Sir Ian Bowler at the UKIP Carnival << "Sir Ian went to the UKIP carnival today," explains alter-ego Natt. "So that you didn't have to..." http://b3ta.com/links/Sir_Ian_Bowler_at_the_UKIP_C... >> The Thirteen Doctors << "My new thing that I made!" glees MistaRoosta, as all the Doctors morph into each other. Has the effect of showing just how off-beat Matt Smith's looks really are. http://b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Who_The_Thirteen_Doct... >> Rubber Balls presents... Nigel Farage TV << Does it seem like Nigel Farage is on television quite a lot these days? "This is the first video of a comedy enterprise founded by fellow b3tan Harry Webshiter and myself," writes jonofthesouth. http://b3ta.com/links/Rubber_Balls_presents_Nigel_... >> Arsenal's manager meets The Lion King << Beautifully weak punnery by dogfood. http://b3ta.com/links/Well_done_Arsenal_and_their_... ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M We make things * Who should you have voted for in the EU elections? Well, yeah, we did this before the ballots closed, but still a mildly interesting question innit. http://usvsth3m.com/post/86407754618/ * Hot, drinkable cat food - A coffee company asked us to write some sponsored content and we responded by making coffee out of all the brown things you can buy at the local shops. It was not as nice as coffee. http://usvsth3m.com/post/86208465508/hot-drinkable... * Who’s Your Celebrity Birthday Double? - Tell us when you were born and we’ll work it out! Now upgraded for slightly more pleasing graphics. Yeah! Incremental! http://games.usvsth3m.com/your-celebrity-birthday-... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK >> NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES II << You told us (at considerable length) about your brushes with death: http://b3ta.com/questions/neardeathexperiences2/ : Pulse-pounding sample extract: "The car turned. Yanked left out of the fast lane in a blur of screeching metal and burned rubber. In milliseconds the rear end had flipped out to the right. "And for one perfect moment. For one clear as day, intoxicatingly frightening moment, I was facing the wrong way down the M1. Oncoming traffic seemingly inches away. I swear I caught the eye of a gobsmacked HGV driver..." (Albert Marshmallow) >> This Week: Not having sex << The stench of a bag of bean sprouts popping open is a real passion-killer, I can tell you for nothing. Tell us about the shag you didn't have because you blew it. http://b3ta.com/questions/notgettingsex/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> UKIP Top Trumps << What with the EU elections being this week, Ukip has been hard to avoid. Here's an illustrated guide to their... colourful lineup of council candidates. http://b3ta.com/links/UKIP_Top_Trumps >> Crufts for tarantulas << We were unaware that this was a thing - now our only disappointment is that there aren't more pictures of lovely long-legged spiders. http://goo.gl/Ub1i79 >> There is a cat hiding in this picture << But it's at the vet's so might take a while to spot it. http://imgur.com/gallery/MCGwrkx >> Beastie Boys turned in to old school comic << Nice little comicbook adaptation of Beastie Boys video Sabotage - in memory of MCA. http://dereklangille.blogspot.it/2012/06/for-adam.... ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> If David Lynch directed Return of the Jedi << Minor fact-bomb: David Lynch WAS originally slated to direct the Star Wars sequel. Someone has had fun packing three-and-a-half minutes of Jedi with as many Lynch in-jokes as possible. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Microscopic view of the carpet in The Shining << Beautifully sinister little bit of animation. http://b3ta.com/links/1179911/ >> Ohio replaces lethal injection << The Onion's amusingly dark take on how capital punishment could be made more human by including enormous, decapitating robot claw-arms. http://b3ta.com/links/1181029/ >> Dad tries to catch ball << Very much doing the viral rounds this week - bloke tries to catch a ball while carryiong his child. The result is not to his credit. http://b3ta.com/links/Top_notch_parenting ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Comedy History Challenge Last week we asked you to dip in to the past and show us the origins of humour! Your favourites included: * YE OLDE PRANKE: Galileo gets a classic eyeful (Afinkawan) http://b3ta.com/board/11078099 * 1066: Which is best, there’s only one way to find out (monkeon) http://b3ta.com/board/11078653 * KAPOW!: Float like a butterfly, sting like a cartoon character (Ya What?) http://b3ta.com/board/11077974 All these images, and more favourites voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedyhistory/ >> New challenge: Verbular Celebrities << This week's challenge is to spot famous people with verbs for names and photoshop them doing what it sounds like they are doing. Challenge suggested by Mictoboy with a nod to giant_squid http://b3ta.com/challenge/verb_celebs/ ------------------------------------------------- WHAT HAPPENED NEXT: * B3MUSED - B3ta Music Website is back (sort of). Old-school b3tan zacherynuk writes, "It's been off-line for about a year, but with some horrendous hacks it's working again. "However, some FUCKING HAIRLESS CUNT STOLE B3MUSED.COM so a new name needs to be found - Newsletter comp time?" Check out the music (and maybe suggest a new name): http://31.210.31.138/ ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tubaman, Mudface, Fadgebadger, shardcore, Mildred, fluffybunnykiller, Jimbuktu. Image challenge by Happytoast. Scaryduck is QOTW bloke. Top tip by Mudface. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you need a sound effect of cellophane being crumpled, just set fire to the recording studio. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive