we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: DO YOU MIND? WE'RE TRYING TO COME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL next issue » « previous issue This Week: * BREAKFAST - Bacon drone * STAR TREK - Christmas carol * INNUENDO - Organ song ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Breakfast, Spies and Tallness >> I HAVE MADE A BACON DRONE << "I made it from sticks and tape and coat hangers," bellows Joel Veitch. "It delivers not only bacon, but in fact an entire cooked breakfast of bacon, egg, sausage, mushroom and tomato ketchup. "All that Amazon stuff about drone delivery is pretty crappy compared to my amazing technological triumph. This is why I am so much more rich and successful than Jeff Bezos." http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_HAVE_MADE_A_BACON_DRON... >> Joe 90 redux << "I thought considering all the silliness that goes on here, perhaps you'd like this," writes rowlification, of this redubbed 1960s puppet spy show. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Joe_90_redux >> A lifestyle show for tall people << "Just what you've always wanted, right?" winks Touched by an Angle Grinder. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1108950/ ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M Stuff we made and hope you like * 18 moronic questions that will drive every vegetarian to bit people to death just to shut them up. http://usvsth3m.com/post/69796467326/ * Granagotchi - help gran survive the winter! http://toys.usvsth3m.com/granagotchi/ * Can you control or inner pedant? Or will you literally explode with rage? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/control-your-inner-pedant... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Celebrity Encounters III Last week we asked for more encounters with famous people, good and bloody awful: http://b3ta.com/questions/celebencounters3/ * PINT - "This was someone whose work I'd been introduced to when I was seven. It kept me entertained for the better part of twenty years. He'd been responsible for more late nights, more jokes, more laughter and probably more arguments than anything in my entire life. In the end, I thought that the worse that could happen was that he'd say no, so I wandered nonchalantly over. "''Scuse me?' I said. 'Can I buy you a drink?' He looked at me, a little nonplussed. 'Why?' 'Because you've been entertaining me ever since I was seven, and I reckon I probably owe you one by way of a thank you.' He looked at me over his glasses. 'No, you can't.' I started to turn away. 'But I'll buy you one.' "He was lovely. Friendly, avuncular, and obviously only too used to dealing with people like me, who had a story or two to tell. He told me a few himself. It was great, and somewhere inside, my inner seven year old was dancing about with glee. He died a couple of years later, which made me sad. But I got to say thank you and, in return, Gary Gygax bought me a pint." (davywavy) * FUCK OFF - "Around 1990, I was wrestling an enormous, wheeled flight-case, containing big boxes of electronic-make-music-loud stuff up a ramp onto a big stage in a field in Berkshire. On reaching the top, someone was stood blocking the ramp with their back to me, and momentum was in charge of the proceedings. "And that is how I came to bellow, "Get out the fucking way you stupid fucking twat" at Mick Jagger. To his credit, he said "Sorry man" and got out of the fucking way." (redexile) * DEAD POOL - "I saw Mo Mowlam in St James's Park once. She's dead now. I also saw Robin Cook in St James's Park once. He's dead now. I'm still hoping to see George Osbourne." (scarpe) >> This Week - BIZARRE LEAPS OF LOGIC << Ever been left at a mental standstill by someone else's thought processes? Tell all: http://b3ta.com/questions/bizarreleapsoflogic/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Is it Christmas? << Single serving website - look away if you don't want spoilers. http://www.isitchristmas.com/ >> Scientists who became creationists << Well trolled, RationalWiki - top marks. http://goo.gl/Kzd7Ub >> Secret Murdoch is evil message in newspaper << A brave puzzle compiler seems to be behind this crafty little dig at mega-boss Rupert Murdoch. http://goo.gl/7ovGS7 >> Xmas branding << Old but gold. Twattish marketing guidelines for Santa. http://www.quietroom.co.uk/santa_brandbook/ >> Michael Gove Bathroom Light Handle << Add a macabre, political twist to your bathroom light handle - a tiny, wizened Michael Gove lynching. http://goo.gl/5Gl1y0 >> Siberian flying squirrels << These rodents are so cute that, if our flat got infested with them, we'd almost not put down traps. And that's saying something. http://goo.gl/x8EuSv >> Tech reviews based on drawings of cocks << This is obviously the correct way to rate new technology - based on how well they can make a cock. NSFW. http://techcocks.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> The talking boat << Does exactly what you'd expect. Exactly. http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_talking_boat >> The Germans love English Xmas Markets << Well done, The Poke for this nicely-observed bit about Christmas markets. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1108653/ >> Star Trek Christmas << The Next Generation cast sing their remixed Christmas greetings. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_Trek_Christmas >> Hidden trumpeter spoils parade << This is how you annoy a passing marching band - LOLs ahoy. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1109924/ >> Communist cat Christmas << Crab-bloke's classic Christmas cat-based commissar carol. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1108062/ >> Marvelous Organ! << A song about a marvelous organ... Innuendo? What do you mean? http://www.b3ta.com/links/Marvelous_Organ >> Frantic cats sing you Happy Chrimbus << Slightly disturbing festive fun, as twitching cats mew "O Come Let Us Adore Him". Also, mouth-organ. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Happy_nearly_Chrimbus ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * AN END TO IRONIC CHRISTMAS JUMPERS - down with officially-sanctioned whackiness. * ACTUAL BEARS HAVING AN ACTUAL PICNIC - we were completely unsurprised the last time we went down to the woods * A SECOND ROB DOUGAN ALBUM - We loved "Clubbed to Death". Then again, he runs a vineyard now, so maybe we should sample his more recent work. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subs: [email protected] Snubs: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by iambob, DestructoLettuce, NoStrings, PhosphorBurnedEyes, congasplint, buffet_the_appetite_slayer, skeltonator, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, feelwelcome. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Tom Scott. Tips by Monkey Tennis. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If a person displays certain characteristics, personality traits or behavioural tendencies, it's probably due to a combination of genetics, past and present socio-economic environment, education and familial/peer group relationships. It is almost certainly not because they are a fucking Pisces. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive