we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "JOLLY GREEN GIANT WINS NOBEL PEAS PRIZE" next issue » « previous issue This week: * ANIM - dog in a parked car * BOIK - willy-beakers * ART - with sausages ------------------------------------------------ ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Classic ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Dogs, Pixels and Unicorns >> Carpark dog-teasing goes wrong << "A shopping trip goes very wrong," writes animator Smartie123, "When a man finds that he parked his car next to a very teasable dog. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Pixelly superpowers << "Meet the kids of Planet Nine," greets andymartin. "And their pixellated superpowers." http://www.vimeo.com/75844254 >> Unicorn flu remedy << Psychedelic cautionary tale about always following the instructions on packaging. Thanks for the nightmares, nicenight4evening. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Manicorn ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M Some of the best stuff from our other site >> Super Tory Boy << Imagine Mario was born into a life of privilege and joined Britain's ruling classes. Grab the cash, slash wasteful public service and bash the scrounging poor. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/super-tory-boy/ >> Owen Paterson's Badger Penalty Shootout << Poor Owen can't get anything done, because badgers keep moving his goalposts - he needs your help! http://bit.ly/1hC814j >> 16 horrible pub customers << People who the bar staff should legally be allowed to stab in the kidneys. http://www.usvsth3m.com/post/63087392700/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Love/hate Britain We wanted to know what you felt about this newsletter's homeland. Go read Ladyfingers explaining why they are a "Salty Cock": http://b3ta.com/questions/lovehatebritain/ * RACISM - "My old boss had political views that would have got him kicked out of UKIP. To him, the idea that the Foreigns should be sent back to Bongo Bongo Land wasn't extreme enough. After they'd been repatriated, Bongo Bongo Land should then be nuked to prevent them getting out again. "One day he was getting drunk at the bat and started to hold court. He lived in a sleepy, Sussex village and recently a family had moved into the area who were of teh dark-skinned persuasion. this was not on. There were places for blacks to live, and they were cities. It was a fucking disgrace, why should he have to put up with living within a mile of these people. 'My grandad didn't fight in the war so I'd have to live next door to a load of blacks. He fought for white, Anglo Saxon Protestants and he'd be spinning in his grave right now.' "Suddenly, an old man at the bar piped up, 'My dad fought in the war and he would have punched you straight in the face. He was a Scottish Catholic and fought to stop fascists like you!' He necked his drink and walked past the now-spluttering racist without glancing in his direction, with the immortal words, 'You cock!'" (monkeyboyalpha) * RIOTING - "Now, I'm not one much given to jingoism, but there have been rare occasions when I feel proud to be British. Mostly these reasons are tea-related, but one national event sticks out in my mind. Obviously I'm not talking about the Olympics here but the rioting that happened just prior. Watching the news, I saw gangs of yoof hurling bricks, bottles and the odd Molotov at police. The police themselves were fighting back with baton charges and tear-gas. "I was awestruck. I was watching London, our nation's capital burn, and yet, in the midst of all this carnage and anarchy the rioters had managed to break open the shutters of an electronics store and, as the missiles flew and the fires raged around, these rioters formed an orderly queue to loot it. I honestly felt like standing up and saluting the telly." (willenium) * JINGLING - "I love the fact that being from a country that spent lots of time wandering around the globe nicking things and fighting everyone that our national dance involves waving hankies and jingling bells. "I'd very much like to see the England Rugby team Morris as a response to the Haka next time we play NZ. It'll shit 'em right up." (Draconacticus) >> This week - IRRATIONAL PEOPLE << Who drives you up the wall through their utterly irrational and illogical behaviour? Rant here: http://b3ta.com/questions/irrationalpeople/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Do you dunk your penis? << You've probably already seen this, unless you've been living under an internet rock this week. Or don't spend 24/7 glued to your computer, we guess. Mumsnet discussion about whether it's normal to keep a special beaker by the bedside, penises for the cleaning of. http://bit.ly/1bW15AT >> How to do silly fonts on Twitter << This probably doesn't work on all platforms but still fun. Why not RT everything the Daily Mail puts out, but in a faux-Nazi-style font? http://bit.ly/GP5OHp >> IKEA product or death metal band? << It's not as easy as you might think, to tell apart Scandinavia's most popular exports. http://ikeaordeath.com/ >> Human shaming << First, there was dog-shaming, then cat-shaming, now it's human's turn to join the shaming fun. http://www.sadanduseless.com/2013/10/human-shaming... >> Higgs Boson explained << What with all the Nobel Prize talk this week, it's good that the New York Times has taken time out to explain the Higgs Boson to simple folks like us. http://nyti.ms/17dfpOE ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Best-viewed at 640x480 on a 13" CRT >> Russell Brand interviews Westboro Baptist Church << A masterclass in how to deal with awful people without sneering. The awful people in this case being the terrifyingly homophobic Westboro church, of course. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Horse slowly tries to eat cameraman << This guy is a consummate professional - maintains his composure, even while an overly-affectionate equine nibbles on his ear. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Islamic militia shoot down a... ? << Short banksy clip that, you know, subverts your expectations, innit. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Slow-motion paint on a speaker << Hypnotic, beautiful, a proper pain in the arse to clean up afterwards. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> The Liebenfrost effect << Extraordinary video, of water hurling itself around a heated maze, driven only by the strange physical effect known as Liebenfrost. http://bit.ly/1hHEQN1 >> Cookie Monster on Newsnight << What more is there to say? http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Sausage Art Challenge Last week we wanted you to create porky banger masterpieces - and you did. Your favourites included: * LICHTENSTEIN: pop-art icon designs opening credits for school-day soap (mutated monty) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11016649 * MATISSE: modern art pioneer dresses canvas with gambolling pork, sage and onion (monkeon) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11017551 * TARANTINO: in-car sausage explosion filmed by B-movie maestro (taebgorF) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11016868 All of these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/board/challenge/sausage-art/ >> New Challenge: Reverse Everything << This week's challenge is like all the b3ta challenges at once: Make the World Backwards. Like, the audience on stage with the band watching. Like socialist Tories and Tory socialists. Like Princess Di papping the photographers and the Queen begging for loose change. Like orange lemons and... you get the idea. Challenge suggested by Memaxx. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/reverse/ -------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT * BUY YOUR PENIS-BEAKERS HERE - "It would be awesome if you would plug this," writes enterprising b3tan Gonzo, who has leapt aboard the penis bandwagon and grabbed it with both hands. If you want a penis-decorated beaker, why not buy it here? http://www.penisbeaker.com ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things that we'd really like to see include: * A MIRROR THAT REFLECTS YOUR YOUNGER SELF - unless you used to look shit. Which probably does cover most people. * A CASTLE IN THE CLOUDS - it doesn't hurt to ask, does it? * A DECENT, CHEAP B&W LASR PRINTER - ours is on the fritz and this seems like a more realistic expectation than the castle thingy. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Cuadrilla: [email protected] Mozilla: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------ THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel and David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @natt and the bad-arse b3ta bears. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Mushroom. Tip via @peachesanscream. ------------------------------------------------- : AUSTERITY TOP TIP: Aldi lobster is better than Waitrose lobster. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive