we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: YOU CAN'T FACTORISE SHEEP next issue » « previous issue This Week: * BASH - Percussive Maintenance * NANANA - Batdad * DOG - Dog loves leaves ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "This is our ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Bashing, bathing and waiting >> Percussive Maintenance << "I made a new supercut!" cries dunk3d. "Give it a good bash!" A compilation of all those bits where someone thumps a machine and makes it work again. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Percussive_Maintenance >> Canal-jumping << "Every summer, the inner-city kids dive in the canals in Dublin," informs Riggleberry. "Most people think of them as a pests, but it is an age-old tradition." Beautiful, black-and-white film, with Dublin youths flinging themselves off alarmingly tall buildings into a canal full of shopping trolleys. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Becoming_Men >> Musical waiting << "This was commissioned last year but it never got used," writes Swede Mason. "I shouldn't say who by, they're a bit wary of being copyfucked," he adds, cryptically. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Waiting ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M BEST OF Some of the best stuff from our other site >> You Can't Do Simple Maths Under Pressure << Has your maths-brain shrivelled to a walnut since school? That's the fear behind this fast-paced maths-based tour de force. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/maths/ >> Are You Down With the Kids? << The zeitgeist - have you lost touch? Or can you still name the latest boy band? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/down-with-the-kids/ >> 14 Facebook People You Want to Block << But you can't block, because they're kind of your friends. Facebook is the worst. http://usvsth3m.com/post/52219683239/14-kinds ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Twat Friends In which we discover that we all have friends that act like idiots, but we keep them around for some reason: http://b3ta.com/questions/twatfriends/ * GAY - "My best mate is lovely but she gets very nervous in social situations and tends to panic and blurt. She started working with a man who happened to be gay. She decided to invite him and his partner to her house for dinner and invited me for moral support. When she is hosting she feels that she has to ensure conversation flows and everyone is getting on, so during dinner when there was a lull in the conversation I could see the tell-tale signs on her face, twitching, mouth opening and closing, face flushed. I thought, 'Oh no, here we go'. And she blurts out, 'So, which one of you takes it up the arse?'" (Flowerpot) * GORDON - "I had a friend called Gordon. One morning he swaggered in looking like he'd just shagged one of the student nurses next door. 'I've just shagged one of the student nurses next door,' he said, 'Got chatting over the fence last night.' But the fence is over six foot and you're a short-arse Weegie. 'Oh. I was perched on the wheelie bin,' Gordon explains. Because..? 'Well I couldn't find my keys and I was desperate for a shit.' So there's a shit in the wheelie bin? 'Aye. A massive one. Anybody want a cup of tea?'" (Dr. Shambolic) * UNDERSTANDING - "I used to hang out with a friend who lacked social skills. He was just one of those of people who couldn't gauge anybody's emotional state. Entirely insensitive to moods, his Alan Partridge knob was constantly on 10. I saw him guffaw at car crashes, put his arm around the shoulders of a surly Glaswegian bouncer to cheer him up, and tell a mourner to 'look on the bright side - it wasn't both his kids.' I persevered because I could see he genuinely had no malicious intent, in fact all that aside he was a pretty generous soul. When he became a fanny rat and pursued girls way out of his league without getting the message - from their boyfriend - he became a liability and a dangerous bloke to have in tow. 20 years later and I'm married to a woman whose son has Asperger's, and another of life's little mysteries is resolved. Kind of like when I found out Babapapa is Spanish for candy floss." (J H Christ) >> This Week - PURE FURY << Have you ever done something innocent or made a harmless joke that ended in threats to your person? Tell us about it here: http://b3ta.com/questions/purefury/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> iOS7 is making people sick. << If the garish colour scheme didn't put you off, apparently the peculiar new Apple animations are making users sick and dizzy. http://bit.ly/1gZ82yV >> 80s muscles << Extraordinary cavalcade of imagery from the 1980s heyday of bodybuilding. People don't still do that anymore, do they? http://80smuscle.tumblr.com/ >> A Day in the life of a "Doublefaced" girl << Eye pencil and lipstick, creepy, simple, but good. http://bit.ly/18uYqe8 >> Wikileaks 'leaks' 5th Estate script << Ha! In your face, media hegemony! http://bit.ly/16gtFof ------------------------------------------------- : 1970s SOCIOLOGY LECTURE Recuperation wikipedia writes: Recuperation, in the sociological sense, is the process by which politically radical ideas and images are twisted, co-opted, absorbed, defused, incorporated, annexed and commodified within media culture and bourgeois society, and thus become interpreted through a neutralised, innocuous or more socially conventional perspective. With that in mind, this: http://bit.ly/1eCX84Y ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Buffering... >> Batdad << Man buys cheap mask and adopts alarming parental persona. Funnier each time we watch it. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1070577 >> Pulp Fiction in 60 seconds << Quite a few swears in this, as you might expect, of course. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1072588 >> Loading a mortar board << Note, this isn't the academic type of mortar board. These guys are great! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Loading_a_mortar_board >> Baby Got Back redux << Somehow much better than it should be, because everybody is in a car. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Baby_Got_Back_redux >> Dog loves leaves! << Total joy. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Leaves >> Real-time rendering of Star Wars << Bloke runs across the screen, holding a cricket bat. On the monitors he's already a Clone Trooper. Is this the future of film production? http://bit.ly/1eCBYUu ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Misheard Lyrics Challenge Last week we wanted you to mis-hear lyrics. You know, for the LOLs. Your favourites included: * FREDDIE: entirely epic pun glut starring Zoroastrian warbler (Afinkawan) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11012519 * KEITH: spike-haired techno punkster emits unexpected Michelins (Frogbeat) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11012085 * BRIAN: satanic duo don posh togs to celebrate Bohemian lifestyle (flatfrog) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11011869 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/misheard-lyrics/ >> New challenge: Controversial Gaming << Rockstar are really upset by all the free advertising they're getting as a result of how 'offensive' GTA is. But what if all games were created to be controversial in order to sell? Design a new game or remix a classic in such a way to upset the red-tops. Challenge suggested by monkeon. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/controversial-games/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * A SHINY NEW APPLE MAC - if someone would like to send us one, we would not say no. * SOMETHING HEALTHIER THAN DOUGHNUTS that it's acceptable to buy as a gift for people in the office. * A ZIP-LINE to the ground. If God had meant mankind to be so high up, we'd be born with 200ft-long steel i-beams on our feet. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Kisses: [email protected] Disses: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by fucksocks, Amadeus, PhosphorBurnedEyes, kombu dashi, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, jams, Beh3moth, sinisterduck, Dawn Of The Bread, robneymcplum. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Holdcorn ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Batteries in your TV remote fading? Pressing the buttons extra hard whilst gritting your teeth ensures it will still work the TV. (Appleseed) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive