we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: EMAIL 1 OF ? next issue » « previous issue This Week: * CAT FOOD - What's it taste like? * 80s POP - Test your skills * STORY - Panini Paedophiles ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saying ___/ _ |/_ > "I ate cat food" << "It tastes as good as it looks, that's all I can say," writes food blogger colmcq2. FYI: This is a mid-range catfood and you may find more palatable results with Sheba. http://bit.ly/1dX6XZu >> Can you cook with toothpaste? << "I found out!" brags colmcq2, flushed with success from eating catfood. But... can you? And is it tasty? http://bit.ly/15Jcc7G >> GHOST BURGER: Prologue << "I'm going into my fourth month now on this film I'm making," raves splattermation auteur leehardcastle. "Rather than a trailer I thought I'd post the opening scene as a teaser. So here we go, oh and it's a sequel to my segment in the ABCs of Death film 'T is for Toilet'!" http://www.b3ta.com/links/GHOST_BURGER_Prologue ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M Some other stuff made by us, or clones of us >> 80 Pop Trivia Under Pressure << If you read Smash Hits obsessively in the 80s - then this is for you. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/80spoptrivia/ >> Crapper Mapper << We show you 10 toilets from around the world. But where, exactly? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/crapper-mapper/ >> The North of Watford quiz << Ten places on Google StreetView, north of Watford Gap. Here’s the question: which city are you looking at? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/north-of-watford/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Not-stalgia Last week we asked what things from your past were just a little bit shit. Go read Albert Marshmallow's revisiting the porn of his youth and finding a few home truths: http://b3ta.com/questions/Thepastwasrubbish/ * ROBOT - "When I was a nipper I had a favourite toy which was this walking robot. It stood a tall 10 inches and had a light display in its chest. When it was powered up by some batteries it would march forward, stop, then do this light display and repeat the process. It made a lot of noise and looked cool. One day the batteries run out. Robot becomes mere quiet plastic statue to the 4 year old. Obviously the 4 year old wants this resolved so I bring this to the attention of my father. This was my fatal mistake. He has a look around the house for some batteries but he can't find any so... He opened up the battery compartment and connected a spare CAR BATTERY and flicks the "on" switch. Robot noise went berserk. STAMP STAMP STAMP LIGHTS STAMP SMOKE STAMP STAMP LIGHTS STAMP FLAMES STAMP LIGHTS LIGHTS FLAMES FLAMES FLAMES. The robot ran straight into a wall, a lump of disfigured toy with the smell of plastic death. 'Oops....err ...sorry son,' says dad, who promptly legs it. My mum comes upstairs to find me sitting blank-eyed, looking at a black stinking skirting board pizza-mess saying 'Daddy broke it'" (Jeccius) * PANINI - "Me and my mate Chris were reminiscing about collecting Panini football stickers, and had a moment of realisation that now we both had full time jobs, collecting the full set would be so much easier. A couple of £50 purchases each meant we had tonnes of stickers in the book and a load of swaps. Of course at the age of 30, not so many swappers to swap with. But there in the back of the sticker album was the answer - they did swap events at many football stadiums and our local one was only a week away. How we giggled, we would just go down and swap away. It would be a hoot. A funny story for the chaps and we would fill in our albums in one fell swoop ... I have never, and will never, look more like a paedophile. We wandered around a room full of 10 year old boys with our swaps for about 5 mins, enduring the suspicious and hostile stares of fathers and the worried looks from the staff until we, without swapping a single sticker, sloped out of the event never, ever to mention it again." (aneraseroflove) * 1970s - "The 1970s were a wonderful enchanting time for me: my childhood decade. As soon as we got into the 1980s my wide-eyed childhood innocence had gone, spoiled forever with a decade's worth of strikes, unemployment, greed, hairspray and Lamborghini shoulder pads. The 1970s should be a time I can look back with fond memories of 'It's A Knockout', 'Seaside Special' and 'Jim'll Fix It'. 'Top of The Pops' with Dave Lee Travis, Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and the Jackson Five. Is it a decade I can now look back on with fond memories? Is it fuck! All my memories are spoiled, tainted, defiled forever." (buffet_the_appetite_slayer) >> This Week - LURID WORK STORIES << Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told that are definitely true, honest: http://b3ta.com/questions/luridstories/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> 5 worst pictures of men and cats << Gloriously crappy, soft-focus shots of men who've decided the best way to impress women is to utterly surround yourself with kittens. http://bit.ly/11THNWr >> Shit rough drafts << These terrible 'first drafts' of classic films, books and songs will make the edges of your mouth curl up. http://shitroughdrafts.com/ >> Everything needs more jpeg << All your images looking too smooth these days? Add all the artifacting you want with this handy online tool. You know you're nostalgic for it, so why not indulge? http://needsmorejpeg.com/ >> Cyborg GIFs << Weird little part human / part machine animations that, we guess, are some sort of satire. http://milosrajkovic.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> When twerking goes bad << Is this real? If so, well, OUCH! https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Drum interpretation of auctioneer << Staccato speech patterns of a slick Southern auctioneer, with drum accompaniment. A good thing. http://bit.ly/14xduDu >> How to twerk << Ronseal. That horrible, slapping sound is permanently burned into our eardrums. http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_twerk >> How to terrify an interviewee << Pretend that a meteor has destroyed the city. We once had a nightmare like this, but we also weren't wearing any trousers. And when we woke up we were unemployed. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Chimp enjoys a luxuriant bubble bath << Watch a cute animal frolic for your gratification. Her name is Chloe so, at guess, she's very middle-class. https://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Creepy Stuff Challenge Last week we wanted you to creep us out with your twisted little minds Your favourites included: * FEAR: image dragover trick impenetrable to outsiders (c@bbage) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11004948 * THATCH: milk-stealing monster unsettles nation's children (Fresh Water Mole) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11004731 * PEG: tri-limbed pastor prepares for head-spinning face-off (mofaha) http://www.b3ta.com/board/11003369 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/creepystuff/ >> New challenge: Three Pictures on a Theme << Three pictures on a theme: come up with an idea for a bandwagon, create the first three pictures in it, and join in on other people's bandwagons. Challenge suggested by Monkeon. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/3pics/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * SOMEONE FROM YAHOO strung up outside the b3ta town hall. At a whimsical angle... * THE SUN AGAIN. That's enough autumn for us, thanks. * MORE KILLER BUILDINGS. Roaming free over the city: http://bit.ly/gz5NFY Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- xXx: [email protected] 2fast 2furious: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by algoreen, Dazz and a host of stars too bright to mention. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Save money on soap by losing some weight. (MrOli) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive