we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "NEWSLETTER DETAINED FOR 9 HOURS WITHOUT CHARGE." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIMATION - Racist brainstorming * EXPLANATION - Bees! * LOCATION - Locate the London Location ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving ___/ _ |/_ > Brainstormtroopers << "This was topical," writes somegreybloke, "when it was commissioned by a TV channel I'm not allowed to name. Then I made it, then some lawyers dicked around for 2 weeks discussing it and now I'm not getting paid and here it is." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brainstormtroopers >> Barley Says - Porn Filter << "I've done another 'Barley Says' for Mashed," writes mozza. "This time Barley takes on the nanny state." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says_Porn_Filter >> Bee Colony Collapse << "A song about this very serious matter," offers weebl. We think he's hit on the genuine explanation. Powerful stuff. Powerful, cockney stuff. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bee_Colony_Collapse >> Marketing the DaVinci exhibition << "Some things never change," writes HappyToast. "This is a little thing by me and monkeon." http://www.b3ta.com/links/1053494 >> Anti-food blog << "I hate pretentious food blogs," writes colmq2. So he attempted to make the exact opposite. "I generally use horrible ingredients and take very, very bad pictures." http://myfoodeeblog.wordpress.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Things I've gone off Last week we asked about things you used to like, but have now gone off. Who knew fucking trees and drinking heavily would no longer be fun when we grew up? * FOX - "This is Samantha Fox" declared my mate, sweating heavily next to a tree with a knife in his hand. He pointed at a large "M" shape carved in the bark. "These are her tits," he said proudly. "And this," he explained, pointing at a scratched-out sappy triangle, "is her fanny." "Right-ho" I said. "Now what?" "Now we fuck her." He clambered back up onto the branch, and began humping his crotch against the shaking limb. "It's brilliant!" he announced as he thrusted. "Come up and have a go!" I went home, took my Samantha Fox poster down from the wall, and threw it in the bin. (Wet-chinned bag shanker) * TRIFLE - I recall getting really excited by trifle as a kid, so I made one recently and sat there wondering what the fuck I was doing eating layers of cold custard, tinned fruit, cake crumbs soaked in rum, and cream, with hundreds and thousands on top. I mean, cold custard is pretty shit. The whole thing was shit. If I want fruit in booze, I'll drink Pimms. This is why adults don't eat trifle. It's shit. (IHateSprouts) * GIN – I went off gin after a night on some ropey 90% proof shit from the Philippines that saw me vomiting for 4 hours straight and then walking across Waterloo Bridge in my nightdress and passing out on the Strand. Then I went off vodka with diet coke after a night on some ropey own brand from Kwik Save that tasted suspiciously of almonds and saw me vomiting for 4 hours straight and passing out face down in a flowerbed whilst my so-called friends took pictures of me. They only thought that I might have died about 3 hours later. I had previously gone off whisky after a night on some seriously ropey shit that we mixed with fresh orange in the absence of anything better (we were 14) and saw me vomiting for about 4 hours straight the following morning whilst trying to hide it from my parents. Bit of a theme here (Rachelswipe) >> This week – LEAD BALLOON << Have you tried to be funny and failed horribly? Or have you witnessed someone crash and burn by either being plain unfunny or offensively unfunny? http://www.b3ta.com/questions/leadballoon/ ------------------------------------------------- : SAVE THE BADGERS By buying some cool t-shirts "We're raising money for badger vaccinations," write Brian Blessed's people to our people. "Any help greatly appreciated." We like badgers and we like Brian Blessed. If you feel the same, buy a t-shirt. Every sale includes a £5 donation to Team Badger. http://www.brianblessed.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : UsVsTh3m That 'other' comedy website >> Locate the London Location << You're dropped into random London locales via the magic of StreetView. Can you guess roughly where you are? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/london/ >> How Much is That House? << Test your/your significant other's house price obsession to the absolute limit, valuing houses around the UK. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/howmuchisthathouse/ >> What do British people call 'Tig'? << We asked 986 people what they called the playground game 'tig', how they referred to their evening meal and what they call a small bread roll. Interesting maps resulted. http://usvsth3m.com/post/58778295395/we-asked ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> What Rhymes With "Hug Me"? << Poor Robin Thicke couldn't think of a rhyme in "Blurred Lines", but this website is here to help. For example, he could have said "Let's play rugby". http://www.whatrhymeswithhug.me/ >> GIF dance party << Make your own GIF dance and party like it's 1999. http://fuzzywobble.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.... >> Street Ghosts << Weird, arty protest against Google StreetView's unauthorised use of people's images… by taking those images and putting them onto walls, which are then photographed again by Google StreetView. http://streetghosts.net/ >> Adult Cat Finder << Having a hard time connecting with adult cats in your area? http://adultcatfinder.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Tiny, sorcerous paintings that move! >> Dolly Parton "Jolene" at 33rpm << Slowed down, so that Dolly sounds like a man, adds an interesting twist to the story. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1051110 >> Magic Beard << Kindly father entertains his young children with a stop-motion film of amazing beard tricks. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Librarians recreate Beastie Boys Sabotage << Or at least, they do their best. Badass. http://vimeo.com/66169135 >> Real-life Alan Partridge << Utterly cringe-worthy 'celebrity endorsement', as Channel 4 racing commentator Tommo visits a hotel in Doncaster. The extras could not look any more embarrassed - and extras have a high threshold for that. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Grumpy Cat interviewed on Australian news << Promoting her new book, Tardar Source takes to the airwaves with predictable results. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Quadcopter hits groom in the head << Wedding photographer loses control of camera drone at the worst possible time. Here's the footage it recorded. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Bad Sports Challenge Last week we wanted you to recall the sports that never caught on Your favourites included: * POTATO: children's party game prepares contestant for emergency burns unit (thanatos) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10997273 * RASH: Merrick-channeling Top Gear buffoon endures uncomfortable drag (Captain Howdy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10996673 * DIZZY: Dutch king of tessellation titillation accommodates kayak (mike woz ere) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10996837 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badsports/ >> New challenge: Fridges! << "Fridges are cool," says dolphinwhisperer. "Need I say more?" No, dolphinwhisperer, you don't. And that's why your suggestion is this week's one-word image manipulation challenge. Fridges! http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fridge/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * PLANT WHISPERER - Somebody to come round and tell us why our window box herbs keep dying. It's depressing. * A DISCRETIONARY EXTRA FIVE HOURS IN THE DAY - Not increase productivity, just to waste mucking about. * A NEW FOOD that people find as hilarious as bacon, but that we are considerably less bored with. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Left: [email protected] Right: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by people. Top people. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via sir_spicious2000 and sandettie light vessel automatic. Subjlol via joefish . ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Overcooked bacon. Can make a delicious meat-spoon when eating Pot Noodles. TOP TIP #2: Make the day seem special by cutting your sandwiches into triangles. Also tip a packet of crisps into a bowl. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive