we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "7 WEEKS UNTIL YOU CAN BINGE WATCH BREAKING BAD" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * WORDS - AMAZING KATE BUSH STORY * PHOTOS - FISH THAT LOOK HUMAN * MEAT - ARRANGE AS A SHIP ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the whale ___/ _ |/_ > The Quarry by Banks, Iain - bonkers review << "My father's novel 'The Quarry',by Ronald Marsh, was published in 1962. It was so much superior in style and content as to render the appropriation of the title by a recent author an impertinence." WTF!? http://amzn.to/14jVT1r >> What Are These Strawberries Doing on My Nipples? ... I Need Them for the Fruit Salad! << Vanessa Feltz produces the best titled book ever. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/075151005X/... >> Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than be generally great * VIDEO ABOUT ROBOTS AND FOOTBALL - "I directed a thing for the FA! WITH A GIANT ROBOT! Defying Darwin wrote it and stars in it as a violent footballing skinhead!", Cap'n, "It is technically an advert but the thing it's trying to sell is that people shouldn't act like dicks and scream at children so I hope people are okay with it." http://bit.ly/18zMcPR * BARLEY SAYS "FRACKING" - Mozza writes, "Just finished another Barley the Cat animation. This time Barley's spouting off about fracking." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says_Fracking * WHAT EGG CUP PART 3 - "My struggle to bring egg cups to market continues.", writes Pig Face Turnip, "Warning - contains MC Hammer." http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_Egg_Cup_Part_3 ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Exposed! Last week we asked if you'd ever been caught naked in public. Go read how Aerialmeg showed her bush to Kate Bush: http://b3ta.com/questions/exposed/ * MILKY - "My husband works at sea and went back to work about 6 weeks after I had our first baby. He was away for 3 months at a time. I was pretty exhausted and, after a particularly gruelling night, was on the sofa, still in a grannified breast-feeding nightie at lunchtime. I fed the baby and dozed off to be awoken by a ring of the doorbell. I deposited the now sleeping baby and blearily stumbled to answer the door to the postman with a parcel to sign for. Duly signed for it and came by inside thinking what a terrified looking postman he was. Walked up the hall to put the parcel down, past the hall mirror. Where I was confronted by the sight of my hideous bed-head, sleep-deprived eyes, gross, milk-soaked nightie and, joy of joys, my left tit hanging out of the top." (Lolopops) * PUBES - "The defining moment in my teenage life came on a school sports day when I was fifteen, competing in the 1500 metres. It should have been a moment of glory as I crossed the finish line to rapturous applause, a full lap ahead of my nearest competitor. But nobody talk about how I set a new school record for the event. Instead, the memory everyone has is of me flopping to the floor, sweating and panting, spreading my legs and exposing my right testicle through a newly formed hole in my shorts. Any applause was replaced by a swell of laughter that spread through forms A to K like a tidal wave of shame as I confirmed to all that I did in fact have ginger pubes. Even to this day if I walk into a pub in my home town and one of the girls from my year happens to be there, though they're all grown up with a family and a career, they will still shout out 'Ginger Pubes' across the pub and break into fits of adolescent laughter. I leave soon after." (lickmyscripts) * NIKES - "New Year 1996, a flatmate has got some lovely new sneakers for Christmas. "I'm going to try these out," he says. A few minutes later there's a glimpse of pasty pink and the sound of a slamming door. We peep out of window to see a pair of fluorescent Nike soles and an otherwise naked flatmate disappearing down the street. Five minutes later a beaming flatmate and two police officers appear at the door. "Is this yours?" they ask. "Yes." Ominous pause. "Has he not got any other Christmas presents he could wear?" (Dr. Shambolic) >> This Week - GONE OFF << What no longer pleases you? What have you gone off? http://b3ta.com/questions/goneoff/ ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M STUFF Three games from the "other" project * PETROL PUMP GAME - try and hit £20 exactly in our wonderfully frustrating Petrol Pump Game. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/pump/ * YOU CAN'T DO BINARY UNDER PRESSURE - we can’t, well most of our team can’t. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/binary/ * GUESS THE AUTOCOMPLETE - can you predict the hive mind? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/autocomplete/ Make sure you follow @usvsth3m on Geocities to get all the stuff first. https://twitter.com/usvsth3m ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * IF FISH WERE HUMAN - maybe they'd be a little like this? http://www.acbe.eu/ * SMITHS LYRICS + PEANUTS = some kind of mash up thing. http://thischarmingcharlie.tumblr.com/ * WOMAN PRETENDS TO BE VARIOUS CELEBS - only using the power of extreme makeup. https://www.facebook.com/carlypaigemakeup * ALL ABOARD THE MEAT SHIP - old as the hills but delicious. http://www.supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20... * 3D PRINT FAILURES - the future is going to be just as crappy as the past. https://secure.flickr.com/groups/3d-print-failures... * EPIC TWITTER BATTLE - if people on Twitter were a little more erudite. http://christthetruth.net/2013/08/11/epic-twitter-... ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like telly but without the TV licence * HITER CRAZY GOLF - love Hitler? Love golf? We havez wayz of making you putt. http://www.youtube.com/watch * FRIGHTENING HOMEMADE WATER SLIDE - that makes people bleed. http://www.youtube.com/watch * CONTROVERSIAL BABY DYNAMICS YOGA - please don't do this to babies, it looks horrible. http://www.youtube.com/watch * ENGLISH DISCO LOVERS TURN UP AT EDL PROTEST - and dance like people who enjoy dancing. http://youtu.be/sYPpbfs5Vn4 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Punctuation Challenge Last week we wanted you to misuse punctuation to change the meaning of things. Your favourites included: * EATS: rogue apostrophe and misplaced letter create a disturbance in the Force (Mystery_Machine) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10992686 * SHOOTS: Alex Jones, Matt Baker and guest Bez get the MDMA in (monkeon) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10993944 * LEAVES: the tawdry truth of the world's largest search engine, revealed in a single space (Captain Howdy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10992567 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/punctuation/ >> New challenge: Sport << This week's challenge is to demonstrate sports that never caught-on. Underwater tennis, anyone? Hamster baiting? Dwarf fondling? Helicopter Basketball? There must be millions. Challenge suggested by notoolsovernight http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badsports/ ------------------------------------------------- Friends : [email protected] Twats: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via wavylines. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Having too much fun and excitement? Need to be bored? Watch mind numbing film The Social Network. (Doctor Frog) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive