we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IN THE UK ILLEGALLY? READ THIS OR FACE ARREST" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VID - Brad and Angelina face-mash * GAME - Don't shoot your friends! * THE QUO - advertising mince ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're snarking ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Eighties, Travel, Brangelina & Chopping Boards >> Space Harrier + 80s mash up + New album << "It's like Space Harrier but all in the 80s," explains yeastymeat. "With Cagney & Lacey and Magnum, with proper end of level bosses." Can you reach level 10, to beat pimp Tony the Tiger, yeasty's nephew's dog & Mumm-Ra? http://www.spoekmathambo.com/game >> One second in every nation << "One second of me in every country in the world," writes thatgingerscouser. "There's not that much more to say really, except - *ahem* - I made this!" This is the kind of travelogue we like - one that doesn't outstay its welcome. http://www.b3ta.com/links/One_Second_Every_Nation >> Literal Brangelina << "Another round of mangled freaks," chirps facemashing expert smearballs. Although Brangelina is surprisingly attractive, our favourite is the sweet Gary Busey/Yoda - we could watch a whole movie of that guy. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1040270 >> What Chopping Board? << "My review of a chopping board." Sound consumer advice, as ever, from Pig Face Turnip. http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_Chopping_Board ------------------------------------------------- : BEST OF USVSTH3M The other project made by B3ta staff * Don't Shoot Your Friends - an evil Twitter game, with consequences. If you don’t recognise people - shoot them! http://toys.usvsth3m.com/dont-shoot-your-friends/ * You're It! - an attempt to bring the playground game to the Twitter age. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/youre-it/ * And finally: The best UsVsTh3m toys in one epic post. http://usvsth3m.com/post/57145265331/you-like-our-... Make sure you follow @usvsth3m on twitter for all the latest web bollocks. https://twitter.com/usvsth3m ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Bad Gigs We wanted to know about the worst gigs you'd been to, walked out of, or played: http://b3ta.com/questions/badgigs/ * ONE-MAN BAND - "A one man band turned up to our local. He had a snare drum, a mic and a background tape. He got my brother up to play the drum, then, halfway through his second song, he got up, still singing on his wireless mic, and went outside and sat on the wall to Matalan's carpark on the other side of the road. He sang another three songs. Quite what the people outside thought of this random man singing was one thing... my brother playing a drum to an empty mic stand was quite another." (Dan dan dan) * BLACK GRAPE - "I saw them during one of Shaun Ryder's higher moments. He started the gig facing the wings and singing into a disconnected microphone. When his carers herded him to the front he promptly did a slapstick mic-into-forehead manoeuvre and knocked off his sunglasses revealing eyes like a pair of blistered arseholes. Then sang the words to the wrong song. It was fucking brilliant. What was the question again?" (Dr. Shambolic) * PWEI - "We regret to inform you that Pop Will Eat Itself will not be able to perform, as their hard disc has crashed. Howls of derisive laughter all round." (moon monkey) >> This Week - MTFU << When have you had to be brave when all you've wanted to do was weep like a blubber-titted bitch? Tell us so we can judge you: http://b3ta.com/questions/mtfu/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Face Tattoo Army << The joy of facial tattoos is that they’ll make people judge you before you open your mouth. Generally either, “omg, face tattoo, this person is dangerous" or “omg, face tattoo, this person is a muppet." http://brianjrogers.tumblr.com/ >> Which urinal do you pick? << A good implementation of a classic web interactive trope: you’re a man visiting a public toilet - which is the correct urinal to use? Also useful for women to understand men's neuroses. http://www.urinalman.com/ >> Bass dogs << Famous bassists with the instruments replaced by adorable puppies. From now on this should be part of the classic four-piece line-up. http://bassdogs.tumblr.com. >> 100-year-old Japanese computer game room << The games room at Kyoto University is one of the oldest in existence, dating from 1913. Here's a fascinating photo series, showing what happens to a room where students have been hanging out for a century. http://shmups.system11.org/viewtopic.php >> Circular Tube map << Designer takes a stab at improving the Underground map. Don't know if it's clearer, but it's certainly pretty. http://bit.ly/TQm1Sm >> Cop selfies << Police officers posing to take pictures with their mobile phones. Looking sharp, guys. http://copselfies.tumblr.com/ >> Hidden messages in hotel rooms << David Bussell has made a point of hiding vaguely creepy graffiti in every hotel room he uses. Have you spotted any of his work behind a picture? http://hotelgraffiti.tumblr.com/ >> Men in pin-up poses << Men-ups is a project that aims to ridicule stereotypical 'sexy' female pin-ups by photographing blokes in the same submissive poses. http://www.rionsabean.com/men-ups >> Prince Will's knob on head BBC shame << BBC breakfast show accidentally shows brief glimpse of a graffitied newspaper, where Prince William has a male genitalia drawn on his forehead. Mayhem ensues. http://bit.ly/16MG30Z ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO The monitor screen is the retina of the mind's eye >> Status Quo advertising mince << Although might mutter "sell-outs", we really enjoyed this. They seem to genuinely be having fun in this ad for Australian butchers. https://www.youtube.com/watch >> Blacking up for lols on Greek TV << Your Face Sounds Familiar just launched on ITV, but we've been watching the Greek one. Jaw-dropping. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Jar with a Twist << Peanut butter on your knuckles is a thing of the past. These jars are designed to push stuff up from the bottom instead of leaving you pawing away like Winnie the Pooh. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Gandalf nodding his head to jazz for 10 hours << It gets really good at about 7 hours in. http://bit.ly/1bzyzW3 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Donkey Challenge Last week we wanted you to 'shop the donkey's ass. Your favourites included: * SQUEEE - lickle tickle for miniature pack animal (Flash_Bastard) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10987532 * POO - depressed ass meets demented end. The horror. The horror. (Captain Howdy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10987273 * DOOR - crudely-drawn couple surprised by joke-spoiling late arrival (PedroHin) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10987290 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/donkeys/ >> New challenge: Hitchcock! << "I've got an idea for a one-word challenge", purred legendary b3tan Monkeon. "Hitchcock! Why not parody his films and photoshop his face?" And thus, it came to pass http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hitchcock/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * THE BIG B3TA FANTASY FOOTBALL FUCKING THING. "The season is almost upon us," warns mike woz ere. "That means that it's time to make a fantasy football team, convince yourself it's excellent and then stop playing this game in 2 weeks' time. "Make a team, click 'Leagues', 'Join a League', select 'Private league' and type in this fucking pin: 286421-179890 "You can read the rules here:" http://fantasy.premierleague.com/rules/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * FLYING ANT FORECASTER - We need some sort of advance warning so we can leave the house in a bee-keeper's outfit. * KEYBOARD CLEANER - Something to really shift these crumbs from under the Spacebar. We can't keep buying new peripherals every time they get biscuity. * THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DRY RECYCLABLES & RESIDUALS, so we don't keep finding ourselves paralysed in front of a waste bin in Canary Wharf. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Inthrough: [email protected] Outdoor: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by invisiblecity and folks. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via prince-igor. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: A treadmill, mounted upside down above your front door, with a foot mat stapled to it, makes a handy automatic hair-comber for leaving the house in a hurry. Don't forget to put it in reverse when you come back in though. (robneymcplum) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive