we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF CHEESE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUIZ - How wrong are your misconceptions? * HOOLIGANS - narrated by David Attenborough * DIGITAL WATCH - The Casio F-91W ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Misperceptions, Hondas, EDL & Tubes >> Social misperceptions quiz << "According to the results of a recent survey, your average Brit is completely clueless about all sorts of social issues," alleges c@bbage. "I've turned the top 10 misperceptions into an online quiz so you can see how well your views match up with reality." http://ruletheweb.co.uk/misperception/ >> Graham Murkett thinks about the EDL << somegreybloke ponders on how we should think about the English Defence League. Are they a bunch of nazis, a progressive organisation or are we missing a third option? http://www.b3ta.com/links/1030988 >> 'The Undercover Honda' teaser trailer << "Me and a couple of others have written a comedy series," writes DefyingDarwin. "We've shot a pilot episode to shop around to people for some funding." The Undercover Honda follows the misadventures of a pair of petty crooks, through a camera hidden in their car. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1031660 >> How fucked are the Tubes? << "Ever wondered how fucked the Tubes are at the moment?" asks pissycocks. Using publicly- available data, this website tells you just how well London Underground is operating. Or it's a cheap gag. http://howfuckedarethetubes.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M The "other" project run by B3taish people * YOU CAN'T DO SIMPLE MATHS UNDER PRESSURE - can you reach level 10 and get an invite to the 'maths party'? http://toys.usvsth3m.com/maths/ * THE GOOGLE AUTOCOMPLETE QUIZ - We've been typing celebrities' names into Google and learned that the autocomplete is like a crowdsourced two minutes of hate. We thought, "Oooh! Quiz!" Obviously. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/googleautocompletequiz/ * TEN REASONS WE LOVE OUR CASIO F-91W DIGITAL WATCH - We *heart* our digital watch. The battery life is ten years, it cost about £5, it's waterproof and, most of all, it's really useful to know the time without having to fiddle with a phone. Wear watches, people! They're great! http://usvsth3m.com/post/55173874636/ * WHAT YOUR BEARD IS SAYING ABOUT YOU - Illustrated timeline of chin-hair, with explanations. http://usvsth3m.com/post/54990652925/ We do a daily email of this shit - sign up. http://bit.ly/ZizxOD ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Lucky Escapes We wanted to know how close you'd come to popping your clogs. Go read how to not to retrieve an ashtray from a roof: http://b3ta.com/questions/browntrousers/ * CAUGHT - "I have a mate who is a psychiatric nurse. His job has stresses that I can barely comprehend; many and various are the tales of psychotic patients doing amusing/amazing/ appalling things. To compensate for this, he does of course do massive drugs at the weekends... So, bright one Monday morning, he turns up at work barely conscious, parts of his brain still asleep and others orbiting Neptune. From the entrance door there's a staircase leading upwards and as he opens the door he sees movement above and instinctively catches the object flying toward him. Frankly 'Coordinated' is not a word I associate with this guy - he's more like a shambling pile of dirty laundry that trails fag papers, knocked- over mugs and broken appliances behind him - so this was a pretty lucky catch. Especially as the flying object turned out to be a baby. Some muppet on the night-shift had given a patient access to her child. So, I don't know who you are, little baby, but you had the luckiest of escapes that morning..." (moon monkey) >> This Week - BODY HORROR << Mictoboy writes, "I once picked a spot on my cheek only for a half-inch long ingrown hair to coil out covered in pus." Tell us your story to make us boick here: http://b3ta.com/questions/bodyhorror/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Buzzfeed deletes Buzzfeed parody article << Buzzfeed's been catching some flak after explaining the Egyptian coup with Jurassic Park gifs. Hence the sense of humour failure when a user posted this excellent parody of the site's distinctive journalistic idiom. http://bit.ly/15uZ0XL >> 7 Photoshop memes that never caught on << Remember Bangstaches? Voldemorting? That's because they never became popular. Although they were made up for this gag, we can't help but feel they deserved a spell in the spotlight. Poor little memes. http://bit.ly/189iYHR >> Middle-aged man things << If you have no middle-aged man available - fear not. The internet always provides - here, it's amusingly middle-age themed pics and a man to answer your dad/DIY style questions. http://justmiddleagedmanthings.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Schmideo Schschmideo Sussudeo >> Weird, bouncy drumkit << Drummers - is there any way this kind of setup improves the way drums sound, or is it just as much boingy fun as it looks? http://www.youtube.com/watch >> News graphics fail << Try harder, mainstream news media. Try harder. This is like something we'd make. http://www.b3ta.com/links/News_Graphics_fail >> Hooligan fight narrated by David Attenborough << Video of brawling soccer fans, with mellow narration by king of voiceover, David Attenborough. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1030829 >> Girl trampled by goats << Nasty stuff. Oh, who are we kidding - it's adorable. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Girl_killed_by_goats ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Sometimes we feel like the whole world is trolling us "Friend of mine found this amusingly-named kitchen company in the States," writes Fray Bentos. "Ideal for preparing plums, massaging dough-balls etc." http://www.bollocktops.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Shoe Challenge Last week we wanted you to revel in the magnificence of shoes Your favourites included: * TESTES: vivid pink ladywear enhanced by sequinned man-sack (HappyToast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10979483 * TIME: era-jumping man-midget suffers savage boot accident (1.618...) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10979697 * TUFNEL: mock rock star finds solace in amplified footwear (Joe Scaramanga) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10979585 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/shoes/ >> New challenge: Earth 1.0 << This week's almighty task is show us designs for the things that God threw away, the things which never made it into the finished version of our planet. Suggested by mofaha. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/earth/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. >> See B3ta people drink. Talk to them too! << "For those able to visit parts of London, are interested and haven't spotted it on the calendar..." begins HappyToast. "There's a B3ta London get-together with drinking and chatting and drawing and stuff at the end of this month. "Sign up, pop by, say hi. Let's get the loving going." http://b3ta.com/calendar/event/25046 ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * AUTO-TUNE OR NOT QUIZ - Can you tell if something has been auto-tuned or is just being sung to sound like that? Because these days, we can't. * POO SPRAY - A quick hardening fluorescent spray for dog poo on pavements. Or for the people who leave it there. * DISTRIBUTED 'BUY ONE GET ONE FREE'. We hate feeling forced to take home an excess of whatever we popped to the shops for - but we'd feel like a schmuck for not taking the extra one. Can't somebody else take it? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Da: [email protected] Nyet: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Enzyme, redflame, Fluffster, Fartfurter. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Artists, short of vegetables to draw a quick still life? A dildo, painted green, makes a semi realistic cucumber. (robneymcplum) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive