we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "COME ON, TIM!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * KITTENS - why do we like them? * 12 x TABLE - why do we learn it? * ACTRESSES - why do we explode them? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We've shaving the yak, ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than making hayfever snot >> Jellytext << Our lovely chum ‏@mattround has been riffing on the rubbish old text system we had on TVs before the modern miracle of the Red Button. http://mattround.com/jellytext/ >> Trippy Bloc Party video << "Finally", writes Mutated Monty AKA Cyriak, "I got to make a video for a band I had actually heard of!" http://www.b3ta.com/links/video_I_made_for_Bloc_Pa... >> Shapey Dave << "A kids' TV show we were trying to pitch," writes Weebl, "Any television types out there, I'd love feedback about where we went wrong!" http://www.b3ta.com/links/Shapey_Dave >> I Love You So Hard Part 4 << "I love you so hard! I'd do anything for you!" writes Joel Veitch. "Part 4 of a collaboration between me and Butters. Our demented Lothario continues his romantic quest to win the woman of his dreams." http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Love_You_So_Hard_Part_... >> Why we like cat videos << Somegreybloke mulls over the reasons why we love to watch video of cute kittens cavorting on the internet. Deep. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Why_we_like_cat_videos >> A Summer Jam << "Produced on Werkbench, flower pots, snifter, and drum machine," writes app producer karls. "At least I think that is a snifter." Enjoyable seeing music being produced this way, in front of your eyes with impromptu samples. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1023548 ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Exploding Actresses << Clips of actresses exploding. We shared this link earlier in the week and got accused of misogyny, but we feel this work is largely comic and critical of Hollywood tropes rather than hating women. Also, explosions = funny! http://explodingactresses.tumblr.com/ >> WWII Pictures shot with Kodachrome << The "old stuff in colour" trope seldom fails to entertain. It works because of our delusion that the past was more different than we think. Yet if you could speak to someone in 1940, their feet would have the same aches and their noses the same itches. http://bit.ly/UYn3GA >> Facebook competition fail << Fine example of corporate schadenfreude - a concept so enjoyable that we could probably start a Tumblr called that and have, ooh, 100 followers within a week. Yay. http://bit.ly/16BgGQo >> Useless everyday objects << Photoshops executed with a deadpan sensibility. Sinks with no plugs. Reminds us of old racist Irish jokes from the 70s about rubbish inventions. Which we won't share as it's no longer the 1970s, etc. http://www.giuseppecolarusso.it/chi_siamo.html >> Robert Downey Jr pin-ups << Extraordinary, inexplicable, unexpectedly arousing. All things we could say about these peculiar photoshops. http://bit.ly/19GzkIq >> The 90s button << Push in David Hasselhoff's face to dispense a steady stream of 1990s music video hits. http://the90sbutton.com/ >> Is there any point to the 12 times table? << Mathematical examination of why it's basically pointless bothering to learn the 12 times table. With graphs! http://bit.ly/1aObTOU ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Social Media Meltdowns Last week we asked if you'd ever said something you regretted on the internet. A barrel of fish meets a friendly shotgun here: http://b3ta.com/questions/socialmediameltdowns/ * SYMPATHY - "My friend 'Rob' (which actually is his name, I'm going for the double bluff) suffered an unfortunate sequence of events that led him to hint in a Facebook update that he was going to kill himself. His girlfriend had left him, his Crohn's was flaring like the sun, and, worst of all, he was a Proper Ginga. Born that way. The hints of suicide started about 2am, grew steadily more blatant, and around 5am he swallowed a mixture of massive and legal drugs, and signed off with a quote. 'Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish!' Amidst the worried messages was this priceless gem: 'It's "So long, and thanks for all the fish." Get it right.'" (searlichek) * PARANOIA - "I had someone ask me to remove a picture I'd posted from a party once because you could see their kid in the background. I thought it was a bit weird but I obeyed. She then asked me if I could make sure the photo had been destroyed. I replied that they were being a bit OTT and it was a digital photo anyway. She replied and said, 'well send me the original digital photo!' So I emailed it to her. Presumably she deleted it..." (SnowyTheRabbit) * SPELIN - "I was in a LinkedIn group which was otherwise worthy and businesslike except for one contributor in Singapore. Most of her posts were normal and to the point, but every once in a while she'd her meds and start huge long capslock rants about THE ARYANS! ARYANS! were monitoring our actions, ARYANS! had superior technology, ARYANS! were posing as human beings. This was a bit much considering most of us in the group were white middle-class Europeans. It took us a while to realise that she was ranting rather phonetically about ALIENS." (Bootsthealchemist) >> This Week - YUM! << Tell us / show us / send us the best thing you've ever cooked or had cooked for you. Even if it is a £10 burger. http://b3ta.com/questions/foodporn/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but you know, somehow on the web >> Smooth Criminal << Turns out the eastern religions were right - to redress his karmic imbalance, Michael Jackson has been reincarnated as a kitten. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Smooth_Criminal:2 >> Dancing Optical Illusion << Your mind will be boggled. Prepare for the boggling. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dancing_Optical_Illusion >> Richard Dawkins LSD extravaganza << From the YT description: "Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins introduces the Saatchi & Saatchi New Directors' Showcase 2013 in Cannes and spreads his memes." He does indeed. the true madness begins at 4:45. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1022250 ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M The "other" project some B3tans are running * Pound coin rude word challenge - We've just noticed that if you line up the letters on the edges of pound coins you can make it spell out rude words. Result. http://usvsth3m.com/post/54017748753/ * Morrissey reviewing singles in Smash Hits - In 1984 the editors of the legendary pop music magazine invited Morrissey in to review the singles. He did a fantastic job. Quotable, bitchy and concise. It's like Morrissey invented Twitter in the Eighties. http://usvsth3m.com/post/54008306908/ * The Infinite Ed Miliband Slash Fiction Generator. For reasons that are not entirely clear even to us, we have made a website that will generate explicit gay erotica about Labour leader Ed Miliband. NSFW. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/slashmiliband/ We do a daily email of this shit - sign up. http://bit.ly/ZizxOD ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Fiction/Science Fiction Challenge Last week we asked you to turn regular fiction into science fiction. Oh, what fun you had! Your favourites included: * LLOYD: silent clock dangler offered assistance by lapsed Jedi (colinr) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10974872 * KANE: multi-legged insect is bad news for Executive Officer (monkeon) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10976694 * MARVIN: paranoid android introduces festive psychosis to TV schedule (BubaMan) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10976090 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fiction-science-fict... >> New challenge: Movie Quotes Challenge << This week's challenge is to conjure up visual representations of film quotes: don't name the film, don't mention the quote, just represent it in pictures and see who can guess what it is! Challenge suggested by Smash Monkey http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/movie-quotes/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * A WAY TO PAUSE YOUTUBE VIDS playing in other tabs, so we don't have to go frantically searching for whatever's making that terrible racket. * A MACHINE THAT AUTOMATES THIS - possibly our least-favourite part of newsletter writing after Funny Names. * WORLD PEACE AND UNIVERSAL EQUALITY. We feel like dicks for not wishing for this sooner. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Muckers: [email protected] Fuckers: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by UTB, Gratch, jakedamusss, PhillieJoe, bananaprince, ‏@sarahmontrose, The Tramp Surveyor, @copybeard, @heroswitzerland, SimonJ. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Redsushi! ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Make your own wasps by sharpening bees. (NoStrings) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive