we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "PROTESTING AGAINST GLOBAL CAPITALISM BY DOING IT BADLY, SINCE 2001" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * NEW MAC ANNOUNCED - Really? * ED BALLS - teaches typing * TURTLE - Make your own King Koopa ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Hey there's this thing ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than making socks sticky >> New Mac announced << Pig Face Turnip's enjoyable subversion of the recent Apple trade show where everyone makes a big hoo-hah about another expensive brick. http://www.b3ta.com/links/New_Mac_Announced >> Rob Ford SOS Crackblaster << "I live in Toronto & our Mayor is in the midst of a crack-smoking scandal," writes smearballs, "I made this little tribute in light of it all, for a live event here in the city last night. It went over well with the crowd." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Rob_Ford_SOS_Crackblaste... >> Lord Sugar keeps 'em waiting. << "I somehow ended up watching an instalment of The Apprentice," confesses Black Moon, "I have no idea how that happened, but it did give me a couple of ideas." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lord_Sugar_keeps_em_wait... >> PRISM-inspired Google Doodle << "My idea, drawn by one friend," boasts kingjay, "Made into a Google thing with moving eyes by another one. Yay!" Although the yays will be on the other side of your face if you ever try to visit the USA. http://hay.github.io/googleeyes/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Spoilers Last week we wanted the things ruined for you by people unable to keep the plot to themselves: http://b3ta.com/questions/spoilers/ * STRING - "12yr old 'Ian', a young messer committed to a secure unit for constantly running away, managed to snatch a set of keys but having to unlock every door only made it as far as the visitor toilets before locking himself in. Being a visitor's toilets it was tailored for both sexes. Being a messer, young Ian had a habit of putting things in his mouth for attention. After Ian was removed, someone spotted a string hanging from young Ian's lips... The male staff were removed from the room but we all gathered at the window to see one of the girls kneel beside Ian and calmly explain the facts of life. Upon hearing this most vivid of spoilers, Ian vomited." (dazbrilliantwhites) * JOB - "I went for a job interview. Waiting outside the office I could just make out the interviewer talking to the first candidate, 'So, you think you'd fit in with our organization? Is the salary inline with your expectations? Can you start next Monday? Welcome aboard.' We all knew there was only one position. I went in next and made up a bunch of really relevant experience, just to ruin this prick's day." (the other guy) * YOU MANIACS - "I once saw an anniversary DVD box set of the original Planet of the Apes, which had the semi-submerged ruins of the Statue of Liberty ON THE FUCKING COVER. I have no idea whether or not their entire marketing department were persuaded to commit ritual suicide, but I can only hope." (Juan Khazoff-Quiggley) >> This Week - SCHOOL ASSEMBLIES << Tell us about school assemblies that were just plain wrong: http://b3ta.com/questions/schoolassemblies/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Convert your turtle into Bowser << And he looks so happy about it, truly capturing the fearsome evil that is King Koopa. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1013965 >> Where's Harold Shipman? << We used to enjoy spotting middle-aged men with beards and giggling, "Shipalike!" Looks like someone is playing similar games but much more evil than us, as we'd have never photographed them. http://wheresharoldshipman.blogspot.co.uk/ >> Jonathan Ive iOS 7 parodies << iPhones taught us the awful word "skeuomorphic", which means digital design that references the form of physical design. An example would be a calendar app that looks all leathery and deskbound. The current trend is away from that, into flat design, weirdly with Microsoft leading and Apple playing catch up. Badly. And mocked here. http://j.mp/11ZgtBV >> Worst diet ever << Although, at £1 a day, it'll mean you'll have plenty of money left over to buy cigs. http://bit.ly/16hG1mm ------------------------------------------------- : USVSTH3M Best of the other project semi-run by B3tans * ED BALLS TEACHES TYPING - a one line joke that got a laugh in the office that turned into a surprisingly playable game. How fast can YOU type Ed Balls? Our record, without cheating, is about 0.34 seconds. http://toys.usvsth3m.com/edballs/ * THE MAKING OF 'ED BALLS' - we enjoyed ourselves so much with the crappy game that we produced a self-indulgent making-of post. It's like Heart of Darkness. http://usvsth3m.com/post/52797391851/ * 14 PEOPLE YOU REGRET FOLLOWING ON TWITTER - possibly the most passive-aggressive post you could stick on Twitter. Try it and make your friends anxious. http://usvsth3m.com/post/52633709278/ Oh yeah and you should sub to the daily newsletter: http://bit.ly/ZizxOD ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Animated Gifs with sound >> Star Trek, deshaked << You know those bits of Trek where the Enterprise gets shot at by Klingons and the director shakes the camera? Want to know what it looks like without the camera shake? Yeah you do, and the answer is: a bit silly. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_Trek_deshaked >> Evolution of 'Get Lucky' over 100 years << 10 parodies of Get Lucky that don't overstay their welcome. Although we suspect the 2020 mix is as about as accurate as a dog shit. http://bit.ly/1a1KI2K >> Dildo / gun mix-up << Old gentleman fails to realise that his toy gun is in fact a dildo. For real? Could he be in on the joke? If he is, he plays it wonderfully straight. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1013616 >> Face-folding << A classic Photoshop trick, or even paper-folding trick brought wonderfully to life in a series of famous film clips. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Face_Folding >> Photoshop Live - Street Retouch Prank << Weirding people out with Photoshop at a bus-stop. We suspect they're not showing us the clips where people shat themselves and ran away. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1013769 >> Racist lols << This week it's about confronting white Americans with their own unconscious racism. Nails a certain racial stereotype pretty well. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1015836 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Board Game Challenge Last week we wanted you to insert board game characters into real life. These instructions were largely ignored, but it was still fun. Your favourites included: * TIMBER: perennial b3tan Hulk Hogan smashes wood (DanGleeballs) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10970388 * STRATEGY: minor b3ta meme reference leads to board perplexion (Ninj) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10970730 * MOTHERLODE: gaming truthiness explored via the medium of TOAP (Drimble) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10970644 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/board-games/ >> New challenge: Crap X-Men << For every useful, cool mutation there must be countless pathetic ones, such as a bloke with the ability to read the minds of frogs, or the power to identify different biscuits in the dark. This week's challenge, suggested by Woodlouse, is to reveal these "powers" http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/x-men/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * IF YOU'RE CODEY THEN GIVE B3MUSED A HAND - Music site creator needs help. http://www.b3ta.com/links/B3mused_needs_a_Saviour * SHED OF THE YEAR FINALISTS - Uncle Wilco makes posts like articles on our site. Very useful. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1016808 ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include - blah blah, let's tell you what we really think: * CHEAP HOUSING - in our area 40 years ago you could get a large Victorian house for £500 (About £70/£80k in today's terms.) Now it's £1m to £2m. Impossible, unless you're sucking the devil's dick, and the devil never even offered. * CHEAP TRANSPORT - £2.40 for a bus ride? Mental. * PUBLIC TOILETS EVERYWHERE - ffs - what happened to the dream of being able to have a slash without needing to either A. pay or B. feel anxious about using a pub and not buying a drink? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Friends: [email protected] Enemies: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @NomisSilloc, planearm, HappyToast, @mrmarkreed, hinigawa, King Ralph, nospoon @mattround, routine, Araucaria & Amadeus. Researched laying in bed in NW5 and mostly written on the Northern Line then the DLR. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Avoid having to deal with annoying digital rights management issues by pirating all of your music and software. (Munsta) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive