we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: TOP 10 SUBJECTLINE FAILS next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VID - Pope performs exorcism * TWEETS - Top 4 best tweets ever * FOOTBALL - The only footy vid we've ever liked ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving our breath ___/ _ |/_ > How complete is your spirituality? << "The Geoff Grace Spiritual Completion Church offers you the chance to top up your spirituality!" screams wallopfilms. "And at a VERY competitive price!" Mentally and spiritually exhausting. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1007574 >> Pope performs exorcism << "There was evidence of an exorcism on the video apparently," observes professional sceptic Black Moon. "I didn't see any." And neither did we, because we were too busy watching the Pope's hands for any funny business. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1006823 >> BBC Good Food abandons quality control << "I submitted a recipe to the BBC Good Food website," chirps The Tramp Surveyor. "They said yes." Gross. http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/3195673/chicken... ------------------------------------------------- : TROLLISH AMAZON REVIEWS Sponsored, nay affiliated link stuff Baldychops writes, "Baldychops here again. Well I'm absolutely delighted to discover that Su Pollard is not just my dirty fantasy and, thanks to all the 'helpful' votes of my review of the Su Pollard phone sock, I've spurted up from 1005 to 190 in the Amazon reviewer charts." Help him further in his request by voting his reviews up: http://amzn.to/ZitQ3l ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> DIY giant Kinder Egg for my girlfriend << Bloke plans to surprise his girlfriend on her birthday, by making her a giant Kinder Egg. To say it doesn't go well would be vastly understating the stomach-churning results. http://imgur.com/a/jPZbQ >> It's Grim Up North map << Perfectly spanning the intersection between old people and Northerners, here's a map of every place mentioned in the 1991 JAMS single 'It's Grim Up North'. We like maps, and we like the KLF and we accept that makes us the perfect audience for this material, it might not be for everyone. http://flipflopflyin.com/itsgrimupnorth/index.html >> Dogs I have seen << Log of Law of the Playground fame photos every single dog they see, puts online with snarky captions. Funny. http://dogsihaveseen.tumblr.com/ >> Sunday afternoon floof << Pictures of cats stuck in things. Our feline chums are really at their best when they're in no position to spitefully scratch or bite you. http://imgur.com/gallery/QoCz9 >> Over 1,000 new pics from original Star Wars << You don't get stuff like this from your modern films. It'd all be people crouched in front of monitors and Tom Cruise wearing ping-pong balls. Though, actually, we might like to see that too. http://imgur.com/a/0RmF7#0 >> Just another IKEA catalog << Scandinavian modern-style furniture and accessories in amateur pornography http://justanotherikeacatalog.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : Top 4 best tweets ever: Coz mistaking the tweet box for search is fun 1. @edballsmp Ed Balls 2. @rupertmurdoch Louise Mensch 3. @pollytoynbee E 4. @moira_stuart Fiona Bruce ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but better because there's more buttons * Kylie's version of the Twin Peaks theme is best thing on the web today. http://youtu.be/6_gdHvg87Q0 * Teenage girl plays Van Halen whilst looking bored. Although what this really demonstrates is that making gurning faces whilst playing guitar is basically acting. http://bit.ly/1431A6F * Don't care much for football, but this goal made us grin and clap. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Toddler_scores_goal * Samesies - the truth about the human domination of the planet. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Samesies:2 * Robbie Williams on Chatroulette - good to see Williams keeping up with the memes of 1998, like your embarrassing dad. Actually, pretty funny. Fair play to him. Shit song though, we add ungraciously. http://www.b3ta.com/links/1006734 * How to fix a laptop. Fuck yeah, this is how to do it. http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_fix_a_laptop ------------------------------------------------- : Us Vs Th3m Your newsletter team of Rob & Dave, old-school B3tan Tom Scott, @flashboy of Sexy A-Levels fame and Martin Belam from The Guardian have launched a new site. Very early days but our favourite stuff so far: * 6 lines of JavaScript that write Doctor Who plots indistinguishable from the current series: http://toys.usvsth3m.com/drwho/ * Icefail - introducing our moving web essay about the devastating effect of the unexpected on a small community: http://toys.usvsth3m.com/icefail/ * How the internet works 101: #guardiancoffee edition: http://bit.ly/14euVrc If you want to sign up for a daily email of this stuff written by the B3ta team. http://bit.ly/ZizxOD ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Flowers Challenge Last week we wanted you to photoshop some lovely flowers. Your favourites included: * EINSTEIN: dandelion-coiffured physicist experiences animated alopecia (E Dubya) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10967039 * HELLRAISER: startling fluorescent barnet added to nail-faced foe (Ninj) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10967112 * CLOCK: experience actual web voodoo via trusty topiary time-piece (c@bbage) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10968194 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/flowers/ >> New challenge: Gnomes! << What if Gnomes were real, alive, and stealing your jobs? IKEA seems to hate them at the moment so let's have a week celebrating the Garden Gnome in whatever form you see fit (challenge suggested by ferret). http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/gnomes/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * CHOCTOPUS ANALYSED ON U.S. TV - "These Maericans didn't really get the choctopus," laments Joel Veitch. Although, from their nauseated expressions, we think they got the gist. http://bit.ly/11tiZQB ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * ADBLOCK FOR REAL-LIFE - a downloadable app for your Google Glass. * DEFENESTRATE, THE COMPUTER GAME - entirely consisting of running up an office tower and violently throwing the screaming occupants out of the window. * TAX STICKERS - to label all items with the percentage of purchase price paid in country of sale. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subs: [email protected] Slugs: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @giveover, @Upsight, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Grassie, fucksocks, The Great Architect, ‏@adamcreen, ‏@mikeisbrill, Tusk, taters, JamboM. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sometimes I see something wonderful and I'm relieved I'm not wearing Google Glass so it remains my memory and not viral content (c) YouTube. Subjlols via your mum. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Make your phone feel much heavier than it really is by Blu-Tacking it to your desk. (krang) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive