we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "EMAIL IS NOT DEAD. PLEASE TWEET YOUR FRIENDS TO LET THEM KNOW" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * WORDS - Auto-completing iPhone headlines * MAPS - Surnames mapped to locations * GALLERY - Tony Hart style B3ta fun ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving plastic ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than meth to pay for health treatment >> Auto-completing iPhone headlines << "The Guardian's iPhone app truncates its headlines," claims @mikethegoat. "I've been imagining what the full versions would be in a world more interesting than this one." http://completedheadlines.tumblr.com/ >> Map of Britain's most popular surnames << "We analysed 2007 Electoral Roll data to come up with the common surnames in each of the 8,920 wards across Great Britain," informs techedit. "For the twitter surnames, we analysed the 'user names' of 32 million geo-tagged tweets downloaded during September, 2012 to April, 2013 across Britain." Blimey. Comprehensive stuff and an interesting look at how diverse (or not) Britain really is. http://www.uncertaintyofidentity.com/GB_Names/Mapp... >> The B3ta Gallery << It's a new way to view the best front-page images, paying homage to Tony Hart's now-legendary Take Hart Gallery from old kids' telly. "I had the idea ages ago," says Matt Round. "Commissioning the music finally nudged me into coding it!" http://b3ta.com/gall3ry/ >> What Toothbrush? << "If you're about to buy a new toothbrush, check out my toothbrush review," writes Pig Face Turnip. Meticulous. http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_Toothbrush >> Chris Blanden - Bit of Mozart << "Here is some non-guitar playing that I did with video editing," writes Chris Blanden. Admittedly, he could have simply learned to play the tune normally. "But it wouldn't have been fast enough and then I'd have forgotten how to play it eventually. I think I prefer doing music like this!" he explains. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Chris_Blanden_Bit_of_Moz... ------------------------------------------------- : AMAZON TAT "Comedy" mug When this old lady agreed to pose for some stock photos we doubt she considered quite how they might be used. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007C0RP9... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Controversial Beliefs Last week we held our breath and asked for you most radical, controversial thinking. It proved interesting. Even the awful puns. http://b3ta.com/questions/controversialbeliefs/ * BENEFITS - "Only asylum seekers should get benefit money. People born in the UK have won life's lottery. Just being mediocre, getting up in the morning and going through the motions will win you riches beyond the dreams of most of the people in the world. Asylum seekers aren't so lucky. They've been born into hardship and may well have risked their lives to get here. They the lifeblood of the UK, the least we can do is give them a leg up." (Brigadier) * SEXY MOVES - "Sex education classes: you may well remember the boys and girls are separated. The boys would sit, somewhat uncomfortable, whilst the teachers would discuss various issues in a lads-only forum. During this period, I strongly believe that the girls were learning the Macarena, the moves to Whigfield's Saturday Night and other pop tunes of the era. This is the only logical explanation for why every female over the age of thirteen knows the moves to every fucking one of these songs." (Munsta) >> This Week - MIDLIFE CRISIS << Young Scaryduck has hit his forties, and found himself suddenly interested in old band T-shirts and a desire to go on camper van holidays. How has it hit you, or - if you are even more of a youngling - your elders? http://b3ta.com/questions/midlifecrisis/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Back from a year with no internet << Journalist Paul Miller deliberately unplugged himself from the net in April 2012. Now he's back, with what he learned. More thoughtful and with fewer easy platitudes than you might be expecting. http://bit.ly/ZEAVeU >> Self-portrait in the style of 100 cartoonists << Cartoonist Kevin McShane draws himself in the idiomatic style of 100 famous artists. Impressive work - how many can you guess? http://cartoonkevin.com/ >> Average image of everything << Infomerge takes the first 5-20 pages of Google Image search results and merges them into one hazy, arty looking image. http://imgur.com/a/LJkW8 >> Amazing Louis CK << "Thanks to whoever recommended I listen to the two-part Louis CK episode of the WTF podcast," writes Rob Manuel. "Compelling stuff. Sadly, I was a bit drunk and forgot who told me." http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Cosmarxpolitan << Amazing how much the venerable mag has changed over its storied 163-year lifespan. http://cosmarxpolitan.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like real life viewed through a small window >> Daft Punk vs Alan Partridge << Not quite sure why Get Lucky is such a cultural event. It's a perfectly OK bit of pop with a nostalgic production, but it seems that A) you have to have an opinion on it and B) endless web bollocks. http://www.partridgegetslucky.com/ >> Mum watches Matrix & explains plot to son << Nice format for videos. Now get a child to explain the origins of World War I. https://www.youtube.com/embed/OMf9GlLXouA >> 90 year old woman does a double back flip :O << Old people doing surprising things is always good value. Reminds us of when our grandmother helped us write a poem for English class and helpfully rhymed our line, "Walking through the field, thinking of these words" with, "And then I stepped in a turd." http://bit.ly/11GZ4zy >> How to play chess properly << Great little comedy clip that reminded us of Series 1 of Look Around You. http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_play_chess_proper... >> Teddy bear goes to Teddy Hospital << If you have young children play this to them now. Again, a bit Look Around You-ish. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Poor_Teddy ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Funerals Challenge Last week we wanted you to enliven funerals Your favourites included: * MAGIC: Houdini's watery tomb, forever rotating and gurgling (HappyToast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10957169 * HOMER: Springfield's most famous son, forever remembered in concrete (Ham o' Shatner) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10958819 * GOLDFISH: Ooh! I haven't been here before! Ooh! I haven't been here before! Etc (Fresh Water mole) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10957416 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/funerals/ >> New challenge: Whales! << Oh, the whale! You magnificent leviathan, you creator of legends, you imperious monster of the deep! You're also this week's one-word image challenge, by the way. Whales! http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/whales ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SHED OF THE YEAR CLOSING DATE - Today is the day, b3tans. The day when you can feast your eyes on the finalists for 2013's coveted Shed of the Year competition. Winner to be announced in Shed Week, 1st July. http://bit.ly/ZEBghG ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. * CHARITY IDEA - make an app that uses your spare GPU cycles to mine for bitcoins. Pooled money of millions of users is given to save the donkeys whatever. * KICKSTOPPER - Can we use a Kickstarter variant to crowdfund our favourite artists to NOT bother recording new work, as they haven't done anything good in 30 years? * SUPERMARKET GPRS - make an app so we can type in "carrots" and it'll make a map guiding us to the fucking carrots. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Wanky cuddles: [email protected] Hugs of death: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Coin Operated Boy, WeirdWeb, @hepvintage, @GeorgiaMills2, nickzarb, t.latchem, HappyToast, Chilli Heatwave, LOGIK Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via horrific. Subjlols via Halibut. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Be sure to use the cold tap when pissing in the sink, as hot water encourages the urea in your piss to become a foul-smelling vapour. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive