we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "ED BALLS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * MOODY BLUES - Sounding As Good As Ever * TWITTER TOOL - Without My Pants * THATCHER - Life-size cardboard version ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Stuff & nonsense, you know the score >> Without My Pants << Monkeon likes to ponder old pop culture ephemera and wonder how to turn them into contemporary web things. This week it's the turn of 80s kids TV show Round The Twist. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/withoutmypants/ >> Furtive wedding ring << Man writes code to get the B3ta furtive bear icon on his wedding ring. Wonder what his wife thinks? http://f1a.me/b3LzI >> Dog with bed on head << "It's dog video," writes williamandrews, "so kill me." Nice choice of music too. http://bit.ly/103YqJE >> Moody Blues - Go Now Shred << Black Moon, best known for his video editing skills, has taken it on himself to attempt a 'shred' where you change the audio to a popular video to match what you think they might be playing. A well worn path but effective. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Moody_Blus_Go_Now_Shred ------------------------------------------------- : GINGER FUHRER TALKS IN DUBLIN Bottom Half of the Internet Your esteemed newsletter editor was recently asked to do a talk at The Story in London on the 'Bottom Half of the Internet' - this went down well enough for a member of the audience to invite him to Dublin to repeat the feat. If that's your neck of the woods then come and say hello. http://t.co/2wWyU6ln4C ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Funerals II Last week we asked for more stories of funerals: http://b3ta.com/questions/funerals2/ * CUT UP - "Mrs Spimf and I tend to be late for most things. So it came as no surprise some years ago when we found ourselves running late for her Grandmother's funeral. We bickered all the way to the church about whose fault it was. We even hissed choice words during the service. Then we had to get from the church to the cemetery. Even though I had no clue where we were going I insisted on driving. I am a man/arsehole. This is the natural order of things. Barreling down the motorway Mrs Spimf muttered "you're going to miss your exit." There was a lot of slow traffic on the left with no gaps so like any safe and considerate driver I simply put the boot down to overtake the lot - only to find the slow moving traffic was actually the funeral cortege carrying dear old Granny. I only realised this as I scythed across the path of the hearse, effectively cutting up a dead woman. Naturally we arrived first at the cemetery, giving them plenty of opportunity to glare at us in my highly distinctive bright red sports car." (spimf) * MAGIC - "My grandad was a member of the magic circle, a certified magician. He tended to do more children's parties than anything Blaine-like and was well-loved and respected for it. When he died a couple of years of ago, my brother drove me to his cremation in Brighton. It was pretty much the first funeral we'd been to and the atmosphere in the car was (as expected) quiet and sombre... right up until my brother enquired, "Do you think they'll saw him in half first?" We had to pull over on the hard shoulder as we were laughing so hard we'd have probably caused an accident had we continued. My Grandad would have laughed too." (UTB) * STAR WARS - "Just watched Return Of The Jedi. Disgusted by the distasteful scenes at the end where everyone is celebrating the death of Emperor Palpatine. He may have been divisive, but he was strong and he made decisions and stuck to them, and I think he should get a bit of respect. He was, after all, a little old man who died, when you remove any other context whatsoever." (Amorous Badger) >> This Week - TRAVEL << Been somewhere nice on your hols? Fine. Good for you. If not, tell us all about it in all the gory detail here: http://b3ta.com/questions/travel/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> MRI fruit << Magnetic resonance imaging allows doctors to look inside bodies by cutting people into 10,000 slices but without the awkward oops I've broken my little brother bit. But what if people were fruit? http://insideinsides.blogspot.co.uk/ >> Pointer video << Watch video whilst seeing where other viewers are sticking their mouse. Popular now, and might be amusing in a years time when it's only one lonely cursor. http://donottouch.org >> Drawing on the sky << 1) Look up 2) Take a picture 3) Make the sky look like a person http://tlamadieu.wix.com/roots-art#!skyart/ck0q >> Newspaper photobombs << In what hopefully isn't a viral campaign for Metro, here's a lovely collection of commuter heads replaced with carefully folded newspapers. http://bit.ly/15mJFti >> Ronson docs << Here's a tip: whimsical journalist Jon Ronson has several hours of his radio docs as MP3s on his site. Load your phone. Go for a walk. http://www.jonronson.com/ronsonon.html ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like Youtube but with cruddy B3ta shit round it >> Kiss from a Rose... Improved << There are those that think Seal's "Kiss From A Rose" is the greatest love song ever written and can't be improved. These people are wrong. The impossible has been done. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beautiful_rendition_of_S... >> Harrison Ford interviewed about Star Wars << Ford refuses to answer questions but creates perfectly serviceable comedy. Nice clips, but can we really get excited about Star Wars 7? A franchise that hasn't made a good movie since 1983? http://bit.ly/103YsRK >> Washcloths in space << What happens when you wring out a flannel in zero gravity? Fascinating but it's also clear whilst floating about would be cool for a bit, that gravity is bloody useful - things not staying where they are put would get old very quickly. http://boingboing.net/2013/04/18/what-happens-when... >> I've just shipped my pants << It's an ad but it is funny and also we think the ad doesn't really apply to a UK audience so fuck it. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ive_just_shipped_my_pant... >> Cat vs Vacuum Cleaner << Who would win in a fight between a cat and vacuum cleaner? Comedy wins, that's who. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_vs_Vacuum_Cleaner ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Not funny, mostly right angled * Made up bollocks? Someone they really hate? Or could this be possibly true? http://bit.ly/178cLes ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Super Pets Challenge Last week we wanted you to give superpowers to pets. Your favourites included: * JACKASS: seated gentleman showered with jet-powered cat effluent (orbojunglist) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10952410 * NUCLEAR: devastating blast from skillfully positioned dog-do (HappyToast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10951199 * ASSASSIN: delightful picture story from dangerous, Pyongyang-bound pony (Fresh Water Mole) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10952538 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/super-powered-pets/ BONUS Challenge Result: in this week of national mourning, don't forget our mini-challenge devoted the the UK's first female despot http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/thatcherrip/ >> New challenge: Bankrupt Hollywood << Imagine a world... where all the big film companies have their cgi and post- production work done by B3ta for free. Then do that work, and enter it into this week's challenge. Suggested by orbojunglist http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hollywood/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * TATERS GETS EXHIBITION - he writes, "If you're one of them London folk, go to Orbital Comics (near Leicester Square tube) over the next month - I've got a load of pictures wot I done in the gallery bit." http://www.orbitalcomics.com/andrew-hickinbottom/ * NIETZCHECATS - what to do when you've run out of Nietzsche quotes? Shardcore has, of course, got them to read the entire text of Thus Spoke Zarathustra. http://nietzschecats.tumblr.com/post/47691949398/a... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * TEA ADS - Why can't a business give us free cup of tea with an ad stuck on it outside the tube instead of a rubbish right-wing newspaper? * KILL SOMEONE WORSE THAN HITLER TIME MACHINE DRAMA - wwe go back in time to kill Bono to prevent U2 inspiring Coldplay. We know there's already a filming called 'Killing Bono' but ours would be betterer. * SIDEBOARDS THAT DON'T FALL OFF KITCHEN WALLS - just sharing some personal drama that happened whilst writing this newsletter. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Cats: [email protected] Twats: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @MarkTyndall, ‏@Newnab, Paolo Nutini's Bikini, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, Chilli Heatwave, slartifartfast, @owenblacker, legoman82, stoodles & ccc. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Tip via Munsta. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: A cigarette filter, a length of cotton and a modified Barbie doll filled with red food colouring combine to make an excellent teaching aid for young girls entering womanhood. A 4mm drill bit, when making the modifications, ensures a snug fit. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive