we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THE REAL YEAR IS 13.75 BILLION+1. NOT 2013, YOU RELIGIOUS NUTS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Barley says * PROJECT - the "bother-proof" Christmas card * RASPBERRY PI - We bought one (thumbs up) ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sieving the web ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK >> Barley Says << "I made this short but informative Public Information Film for 'Mashed'," writes mozza of this charming public information film. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Barley_Says BTW: Mashed featured lots of B3tan content, you can still watch it via the C4 site: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/2012-mashed/4od >> Is it still okay for "happy new year"? << "Every year I get sick of people wishing 'Happy New Year' long after it's still OK to do so," complains Dave Birss. "So I made a reference site where people can check if it's still OK to do so. The content changes throughout January, getting more tetchy by the day." http://godd.am/newyear/ >> iEye << Sheep! premieres "the visual enhancement system that fits in your own eyeball." Life looking gloomy? Magic shiny make it all better. http://www.b3ta.com/links/iEye >> How to brother-proof a Christmas card << "When we were younger, my brother and I had a game of ‘brother-proofing’ each other's cards," writes madsporkmurderer. "This consisted of covering the envelope with as much tape as we could. This year I decided to revive this game. However, I'm now a much larger child, with a welder and too much free time. http://bit.ly/UnJRVh ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Relief Ages back, before presentfest 2012, we asked for stories of things that turned out less grim than you at first thought: http://b3ta.com/questions/qotwrelief/ * LUMP - "Lying in bed one Saturday morning feeling somewhat worse for wear after a particularly heavy night's drinking, I went for a lazy scratch of my nether regions. I was horrified to discover a growth on my scrotum. All sorts of terrible thoughts went through my head... thoughts which soon dissipated when I discovered that the "growth" was a fried egg Haribo which had somehow adhered itself to my ballbag." (mirodo) * LOFT - "My wife was due to have a baby middle of next month. 5am yesterday morning she started making 'having a baby' noises. I said I should call an ambulance. "Don't be stupid, I'm not going to have the baby here." My two year old wakes up and comes to see what's going on. More screaming and I call the ambulance. The 999 man starts talking me through how to deliver a baby. "Please, just send the ambulance." "Now, can you see the head yet sir?" "No, can you please send the ambulance?" Two year old wants to play giraffes. Relief #1 was the ambulance crew huffing and puffing up the stairs. Relief #2 was the baby crying, successfully delivered by a totally unphased ambulance man. Slightly strange Monty Python aspect was the other ambulance people asking me who did my loft conversion while the baby was half out. "They done a lovely job sir. Can I ask you what you paid?" (browser) * LOST - "Waiting at the bus stop with my son, then 2, a wee friend of his and the friend's mother. I got a bit distracted checking bus times, looking out change and so on when, to my utter horror, I realised that The Boy had vanished from sight. Not in the bus stop. Not on the pavement. Not on the road. Crowds of people around. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit. His friend's mother saw the panic in my eyes, saw me looking frantically around and asked me what was wrong. "Where's the Geeklet?", I asked, urgently. She gave me an odd look. "Still sitting on your shoulders", she replied." (ubergeekian) >> This Week - DUMPED << Dumpee, dumper or still not sure what happened and hoping that one day the hurt will subside so that you can leave the house? Tell us all: http://b3ta.com/questions/dumped/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Favourite book covers << The New York Times got 20 designers to pick their favourite book cover and explain why - the results are genuinely interesting. http://nyti.ms/UnJWZa >> London's top Twitter names << Geo-tagged tweets laid out on top of a London map, to find the city's most popular Twitter surnames with locations. Disappointingly low on Hitlers. http://bit.ly/X2PhCd >> Javascript Amiga << If you are a nerd of a certain age, those two words are all it will have taken for you to race off down the linky superhighway. If you are still here, don't worry; perhaps a Javascript/HTML Amiga emulator is not for you. http://scriptedamigaemulator.net/ >> British people problems << Continually-updated listing of the tiny, nagging problems that bother we lucky denizens of the British Isles. http://www.reddit.com/r/britishproblems >> Vintage computer adverts - what's really happening << A look at those old tech ads that's both funny at how crap they are and insightful about the story we were being told. "We bought it to help with our homework and the household account" indeed. http://s349909351.websitehome.co.uk/blog/ >> Dr Who Theme in odd, retro style << The Dr Who theme comes courtesy of Damont Records' "TV Favourites and other childrens songs" 1975. Synthtastic. http://bit.ly/UnKeiT >> Van Goghtical illusion << Stare at the moving pattern; stare at the swirly picture; feel as if you're losing your mind; cut off your ear and mail it to a prostitute. http://imgur.com/gallery/VIeMk >> Hollywood Snopes << Great little read about some of the urban legends that hang around movie studios. http://bit.ly/UnKkab ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like iPlayer but with no Spinal Tap easter egg >> Uncorrected personality traits << Robyn Hitchcock sings a message that'll make any parent have an anxiety attack. Not sure if this meant to be comedy or not but compelling nonetheless. WIKIPEDIA FACT: Robyn's dad wrote the film 'Percy' a brit-sexplotation flick about a penis transplant. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Attenborough sounds like a rudeboy << Good to see David Attenborough keeping up with contemporary slang. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> World's most useless machine << Useless but we reckon they'd sell like hot sex. If you make the mechanical hand into a kitten's paw. http://bit.ly/UnKsq6 >> Testing for electrostatic discharge << Health & Safety video with memorable pay-off. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Electro_Static_Discharge ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Now incorporating Goatse Monthly Getwalker writes, "Hi, dunno if you've seen this before but it seems Goatse has some historical precedents." https://www.google.com/search ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Guess the word As kids we used to play a guess the number game - player 1 thinks of a number, player 2 guesses, player 1 says higher or lower. We're kicking ourselves that we didn't think of applying this model to words. This version is almost great but needs a smaller dictionary without obscure words in it and a better interface. http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~pahk/dictionary... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Bizarre Facts Challenge Last week we wanted you to illustrate strange knowledge. Your favourites included: * DEATH: tragic film franchise demises marked with sombre farewell (Captain Howdy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10900001 * LUNAR: astronomical discovery receives George Lucas treatment (funkmotor) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10899498 * BADGE: cockney film icon reminds audience who he is (robneymcplum) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10902642 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/bizarrefacts/ >> New challenge: Online Goes Offline << Can you imagine a world in which people behave offline like they do online? We think you can, which is why it's this week's challenge. Suggestion by xandmi. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/online-offline/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * STRANGEST EMAIL WE'VE HAD FOR A WHILE - should we reply? http://bit.ly/UnKE8J * APOLOGIES FOR LAST WEEK - as RS2000CUSTOM writes, "Whoops! You ain't put an edition number in the link. You now givin out a 404." Here's the missing number: 560. Simply edit the URL and stick that on the end - happy to help. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * UNFAIR DEATHS - make a game with each level being an utterly unfair death that happens in 3 seconds of starting. * AMAZON TROLLING - evil project idea. Systematically write backhanded compliment reviews on Amazon. "The spelling is quite good." * VIDS - savage^ writes, "Turbulent aeroplane movie footage fed through software to steady the image, so we can see the actors wobble their heads about all funny." Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Wankscribe: [email protected] Unwankscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by ‏@mattround, @TheMichaelMoran, @cr3, tuqueboy, DogHorse, tubaman, zacherynuk, Gruffi, Nicky Hewgill, @matthewgardner and db123. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via Rotating Wobbly Hat. Subjlols via waxdart. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Instead of the bother of converting your Nectar points just buy honey. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive