we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "DEAD BIRD WON'T SING AGAIN. PLEASE RETWEET." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * CHALLENGE - make us an Xmas card * PHILOSOPHY - stamped on kitten's faces * PIERS MORGAN - most hated man on twitter. Fact. ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're filling the ___/ _ |/_ > Kitten based philosophy << Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1890) originated the Übermensch - a kind of remote control for Louise Mensch. Now he's back and this time with more kittens, @Erocdrahs informs us: "I made an automated tumblr which adds Nietzsche quotes to pictures of cats." All we can say is "Dog is dead, and we have killed him." http://t.co/vT8YJzJ2 >> Piers Morgan's Mob Trumps << Monkeon writes, "Basically, Top Trumps using the swearing of Twitter hate mobs as data to prove that Piers Morgan is the most loathed person on Twitter." He is! He is! How exciting for our opinions to be on trend for once. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/mobtrumps/ >> Underwater Ballroom << Davideo writes, "This isn't my usual thing but it blew me away when I heard about it: a Victorian likeable rogue used investors' money to build himself a lavish pad including an underwater ballroom / billiard room, which took 600 men to dig out. I just had to see and photograph it but, as it's not open to the public, we had to do it Urbex style." Oh the follies of the rich. Oh to be rich and make such folly. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Underwater_Ballroom >> Cliff Richards V Slipknot << Pig Face Turnip writes, "Cliff Richards has had a make over. Made with fellow B3ta man pibennett." In a better world this would be Xmas number 1. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cliff_Richards_V_Slipkno... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK No Self-Awareness Last week we wanted stories of life's dreamers, drifters and armpitty stink farmers who just don't seem to notice their impact on others. Go read how Frank Snow lost his job here: http://b3ta.com/questions/noselfawareness/ * SUSHI - "Back when I was a lazy uni student, I'd pass the day pleasantly stoned and go get take-away sushi for lunch. The restaurant was in a food court in a nearby shopping centre. That day, in front of the counter were a man in a tuxedo and a woman in a black cocktail dress. They were a very beautiful couple with big smiles. I stood next to them trying to order. The owner was standing off to the side and, instead of coming over, he started signaling for me to come to him, a look of fear on his face. Ignoring this, I stayed put and yelled that I'd like the nigiri special. He gave me a funny look but started to prepare it which, in hindsight, showed a certain business acumen. I looked at the couple who were now staring at me and gave them a friendly smile. There was something strange about them I couldn't quite put my finger on, something too perfect and not quite real. I waited while the owner put together my sushi, took my money and handed me the bag. It was only then that I turned around... and noticed the semi-circle of film crew, cameras, sound technicians and two really bright studio lights focused on the couple. Totally oblivious, I'd walked into a live advertising shoot and ordered sushi. And the owner had sold it to me." (cumquat may) * TONSURE - "Our MD was single for many years until 2010, when he hit his 50s, lost three stone and started making an effort to see more of the world, especially lady parts. He met a woman who he now lives with. Unfortunately he's regained the weight and a little more, developed a perfectly circular bald patch, allowed his new beau to cut the rest of his hair, dyed the grey out and has taken part in Movember. No-one has the heart to tell him that he looks like a gay paedophile monk." (Munsta) * SPACE - "I used to know a guy who, although quite a nice chap had no sense of personal space. Chatting to him at a party once, I found myself backing away as he stood closer and closer to me. Once I reached the wall I was trapped; he actually stood so close to me I didn't have room to drink from the glass I was holding." (Professor Kenny Martin) >> This Week - MADE ME LAUGH << Has anything happened recently that's made you laugh? We need cheering up, share the joy here: http://b3ta.com/questions/mademelaugh/ ------------------------------------------------- : BOOK OF THE CENTURY KLF: Chaos Magic Music Money Most pop biographies are a dull patchwork of clippings - this is something else - taking in the ideas of Jung, Robert Anton Wilson and Alan Moore, it explores the extraordinary world of Bill Drummond the man who burnt a million quid in an act more relevant than ever. "We didn't use our money to make a comment on art - but our art to make a comment on money." Read it now, then burn a lottery ticket whilst listening to Shag Times and wondering what ideas you are contributing to the collective unconsciousness. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00ABFHOS... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Tom Waits Nyan Cat << It's Tom Waits' birthday today - he's 63 - and what better way to celebrate than with a Nyan Cat style animation? Also an accurate reproduction of Tom's visions after a night swallowing his own alco-shits. http://nyanwaits.com/ >> Missed high fives << The glorious piquancy of someone going for a high five and it just not happening. Not a problem for us, as our preferred method of greeting is the cock punch. Even with children. http://missedhighfive.tumblr.com >> Wearable Hummingbird Feeder << Celebrate the legalisation of marijuana in Washington not with the mind-shrinking suggestions of the local PD - watch Lord of the Rings and eat pizza - but instead by getting stoned and engaging in one of the most intense experiences imaginable: asking a hummingbird to feed from your face. http://sheds.ws/11SlkYc >> Food mosh << Compression artefacts are the new shorthand for reality breaking. When will the first movie be made where the lead notices visual glitches in real life and uses them to break through the programming to find out about the world that created this one? http://foodmosh.tumblr.com/ >> The ACME product catalogue << Screencaps of those peculiar products so beloved by baddies in Warner Bros cartoons. We can't help but feel there are still a few missing though. http://www.flickr.com/photos/dystopos/sets/7205759... >> HTTP Status Rappers << Great URL, nice use of illustrative rappers. http://www.httpstatusrappers.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Noisy Animated GIFS that don't loop * LEGEND OF DIGITAL ZELDA - better stop motion than we can do. http://www.youtube.com/watch * PIKACHU ON ACID - just remember kids, if you are going to take psychedelics make sure you get with nature and don't go to McDonalds or something crap. http://www.youtube.com/watch * CHEERFUL BLOKE SINGS SONG - unkmari writes "I've flagged up stuff by this guy before and he keeps on coming up with fab and unique vids for his really catchy songs. Latest is all about London (and can't get more topical???) with lots of cheeky references and he has animated it all himself, totally nutty - surely worth a plug and he really deserves it..." http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Shit your pants game Benjamin Turquier writes, "Dear Magic Donkey, please accept this 'you pooped your pants at work and have to escape' flash game." The Donkey accepts the offering and brays. http://www.notranslation.com/files/smelly/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Real Life Movie Poster Challenge Last week we wanted you to recreate famous movie posters using nothing more than real life Your favourites included: * ENORMOUS: gigantic moustachioed towel- headed man/lady trashes fancy apartment (mictoboy) http://b3ta.com/board/10888807 * SPY: iconic Bond image rendered via the medium of fancy tux and bog roll tube (DanGleeballs) http://b3ta.com/board/10889210 * RUN: classic movie fleeing aided by balloon whisk and wooden spoons (thecrapgatsby) http://b3ta.com/board/10890653 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/real-life-movie-posters/ >> New challenge: Christmas Cards << Make some Christmas cards - nice, nasty, whatever you think - just design some stuff you think would be fun to send. Then print them out, and actually send them http://b3ta.com/challenge/xmas/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * PRINTABLE KINDLE BOOKS - might sound dumb but increasingly quirky and interesting books are skipping print and going straight to Kindle. Fine for us but some people refuse to read eBooks. Can we have a print button please? Post them off to Lulu etc. * PR TAX IDEA - companies that DO pay tax could start printing a breakdown on their products. "This coffee is x% tax, x% profit x% wages x% production" etc. * CYBER-LINES - at school we'd be disciplined with lines. Why not a web version for netiquette errors? 50 times x "I shall not RT praise" for you sunshine. And no cut and paste. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- CTRL C: [email protected] CTRL X: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Simon le Bon with Nick Beggs from Kajagoogoo. Stuff sent in by David Sylvian, Toyah, the bloke with hair in his eyes from Flock of Seagulls, Jez (still throwing off his mental chains) and Tony Hadley (although one of the Kemps told him what to say and he's still bitter about it), also @unclewilco, Mr Eraserhead, @olivia_solon and @achrismiller. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tips via A Vagabond. You spin me right round, baby right round, like an Ogg Vorbis high quality digital multimedia file baby, right round round round. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Distract the masses from the stinking pool of stagnant, open nepotism within the ruling elite by forcing Kate Middleton to announce her pregnancy early. BTW the person who sent in this tip? "Pep yourself up in secret by writing supportive messages on your own Facebook wall, while setting viewing permissions to 'Only Me.' Nobody else will ever know, but you'll see it in your feed." You made us sad reading that. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive