we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER WAS ONLY THE START OF IT..." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SAVILE - Kunt writes the inevitable song * ART - Badly drawn film frames in Maya * TOO MUCH - Funny name corner :( ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Sitting in Jimmy ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK They've been making fun that's what >> Jimmy Savile & the Sexy Kids << "Sir Jimmy visited me in the night and asked me to set the record straight on his behalf," confides a haunted Kunt. "By the way, he also asked me to say re. Megan Stammers, he would." http://www.youtube.com/watch >> The Origin of DUBSTEP << "NOT for mature audiences!" warns teaandcheese, for what you are about to witness is nothing short of MAGIC. http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Origin_of_DUBSTEP >> Romneyobamarama! << "This is the last installment of the NewsHit series I did for Mondo," intones smearballs. The US presidential hopefuls duke it out, but whoever wins - we lose! That's not a political statement - we saw it on the poster of Alien vs Predator and were just waiting for a chance to say it. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Punching_Bags ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Rogues, Villains and Eccentrics Last week we asked for the lovable or not so lovable eccentrics you've met. These are the people that make life living: http://b3ta.com/questions/roguesandvillains/ * CRAZY CHARLIE - "is a friend of mine in Richmond in his fifties. He's a talented artist with metal. He's also a convicted felon, who spent eight years in prison for burglary when the house he'd entered wasn't as empty as he thought, the Army soldier there took exception to his presence and things got violent. He's a loyal friend who will help out in any way he can, but he's about 37 degrees from sane. His bin-diving, especially for brass or old tools is obsessive, which is why, one night, when he spotted an axe that someone had thrown out, he slouched home with it. He's slightly-built, with a short grizzled pelt on his head, glasses, but also numerous tattoos and missing most of his right index finger. And an axe. On his way, a guy suddenly pointed behind him with an expression of dread. Charlie pulled out his iPod earphones just in time to hear a cop screaming at him to drop the axe. He did so and turned to find two cops with guns drawn aiming at his chest. They let him go with a warning; but, as he told me this story, he sounded hurt and bewildered that they harassed him. He genuinely didn't understand why they would have reacted this way. I didn't have the heart to point him toward a mirror." (The Resident Loon) * SUPER SHAMAN - "Me and a couple of like-minded friends were stumbling about the woods after consuming a pile of 'shrooms. We were sitting on some logs, chatting and probably giggling, when seemingly from nowhere a shaman appeared. He talked to us for a while, leaning on his staff, telling us how great it was that we had come to commune with Father Oak, the Great Tree of Life. He said it would enrich our lives and calm our spirits, and so on. He was clearly a shaman of great power and spirituality. Eventually he bid us goodbye, and disappeared into the trees. All very impressive, spoiled only by the naff and rather grubby shell suit he was wearing, and the can of Special Brew dangling from his hand. And the fact that there were no oaks in that wood." (moon monkey) * LEATHER PANTS MAN - "In Bristol city center there used to be a guy who from May to September could be found striding purposefully around wearing a leather thong, a stonking pair or 20+ eye biker boots, and an epic bushy beard. My group of friends all took seeing him as the official arrival of summer like the first cuckoo of spring. One summer we hadn't seen him and were drunkenly discussing his absence. People nearby overheard us and agreed that the Leather Pants Man had indeed been absent this summer. Then, as if summoned, the Leather Pants Man came striding over the hill into view. We went wild cheering and clapping drunkenly shouting LEATHER PANTS MAAAAN!!!! Our numbers had swelled somewhat and it was a fair-sized group. LPM stopped, smiled, bowed theatrically, and stomped off. Legend." (sittingduck - and Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver) >> This Week - DRIVEN TO MADNESS << What annoying things do those close to you do that are driving you up the wall? Vent here: http://b3ta.com/questions/driventomadness/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Badly-recreated animated film frames << "Take a still from a multi-million dollar animated film that required thousands of man-hours to create and replicate it in Maya in 30 minutes". We want to play with Maya now. http://badlyrecreatedanimatedfilmframes.tumblr.com... >> World's least minimalist house << Lower middle class fussiness combined with mental illness? Who could live in a home like this? http://ow.ly/ef4AT >> H. P. Lovecraft in the style of Dr. Seuss. << Hopefully to be followed by The Tibetan Book of the Dead in the style of the Mr Men. http://drfaustusau.deviantart.com/gallery/35258175 >> High quality trolling << Despite the tabloids trying to redefine trolling to mean rude comments to famous people, some remember the original meaning, including the wonderful 'Horsey Suprise' who bait all over the internet and screengrab the reactions. http://horseysurprise.tumblr.com/ >> Creative commons boardgame << Neat bit of marketing here - download and print the game for free - but that'll be a bit of effort or buy it for $25. Personally we're just going to play it in our heads with imaginary people. http://cardsagainsthumanity.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Youtube: the Laserdisc you don't have to turn over >> Honest Internet Explorer Ad << Those new Microsoft TV commercials, with a hard slug of added TRUTH. http://bit.ly/QXufV6 >> Autotune the Presidential debate << Romney and Obama remixed to music. Why, this sort of thing makes a mockery of the political system - as if it's all presentation over substance! Catchy stuff, as ever, from the Autotune the News team. http://www.youtube.com/watch ‏ >> Skateboarding Girls << Important safety-testing or surrealistic 'happening' - whichever, it's strangely mesmerising. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Skateboarding_Girls >> How to expose a fake clairvoyant << Straight to the point; doesn't waste time; no prevarication or superfluous verbiage. http://bit.ly/QXuob5 >> This Land is Mine << A brief history of the land called Israel/Palestine /Canaan/the Levant, to the stirring tones of the song from Exodus. We can recommend no more charming way of rendering yourself depressed and fearful. http://blog.ninapaley.com/2012/10/01/this-land-is-... >> A little video about Hexaflexagons << Once again, our dull, unsciencey brains are baffled by witchcraft in the form of geometrically-folded paper. Seriously, this is flipping amazing. http://bit.ly/QXuzmP >> Somebody That I Used to Know - Old School << Two internet favourites combined, as obsolete electronic components perform Gotye's 'Somebody That I Used to Know'. We have a soft spot for the plaintive wail of the antique scanner. Like nostalgia for a crappy job you used to have. http://bit.ly/QXuAXQ ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Not funny but still here. Like us really. * ASOS PENIS BLOUSE - this looks so smart that it makes us want to recreate the look by sewing buttons down the length of our cock. http://bit.ly/QXuIGG * INTERESTING RESTAURANT NAME - intriguing yes, but appetising? http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/46/1554977/restaurant/... * THE KIDS love mum's... http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B003YGUW4... * ALL GIRL SCHOOL - Stefan Macro writes, "The all-girl Loughborough Girls High School (part of the Loughbrough Endowed Schools) has a sweetly innocent URL." http://www.leshigh.org/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Urban Animals Challenge Last week we wanted you to equip animals for the rigours of modern city life Your favourites included: * ELEPHANT: rush-hour overcrowding reaches new and perilous peaks (Fresh Water Mole) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10854882 * GOOSE: a British engineering classic, and a giant leap in evolution (The Snockerty Friddle) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10854655 * DOG: that bald, pudding-bothering fattie off of Masterchef, rendered as a pug (Ninj) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10854765 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/urban-animals/ >> New challenge: Happy/Unhappy Endings << This week's challenge is to change history by 180 degrees, making happy endings unhappy and unhappy endings happy. Suggested by monkeon http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/happy-unhappy/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * HAPPY EMAILS - H.O.Charles writes, "I read that you're receiving unhappy emails, so here's a nice one. Thanks ever so much for popping the note about my book in your newsletter. It hasn't launched me into a best seller list, but it did gain me a few more readers and some nice comments. So cheers! It's great to be even the slightest bit noticed and/or featured anywhere, as loads of people are vying to push their books on every outlet they can think of. As any writer will tell you, publishing can be quite a lonely, tough business!" The unhappy emails refer to the unfortunate ad we took via Zappideals detailed here: http://bit.ly/QXuVd8 ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * EAT A CANDLE A DAY - does your poo will come out encased in a waxy globe, smell-free & no wiping required? * UPSIDE-DOWN DINING - we reckon a roast dinner for breakfast and a a bit of fruit, etc. at night would be a much better way to do things. * SOME KIND OF BUTTON THAT STOPS THINGS BEING SHIT - possibly this is called heroin. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- One of usssss: [email protected] Ex-communicate: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @johnsto, @bl0ke, King Ralph, Scienti, SquidHead, cupboardy, Gratch, robneymcplum, ‏@JudgeySan, @MikeFishcake, @MarkPenrice, @DFLamont, pixel_fucker, @denialvibes. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via (NoStrings) Subjlols via Gruffi Savalas. We also liked ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you're enjoying a bit of late-night internet filth, and you hear your partner descending the stairs, do not, in a panic, switch the site that is on screen. Pornography is a lot easier to explain than the sight of you, furiously masturbating to a BBC News article about Bashar al-Assad's merciless slaughter of Syrian civilians. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive