we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WE'RE SAVING THE PLEBS... TOGETHER!" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * FUCKOMETER - why Twitter is swearing * CREDIT CARD FRAUD - made easy * NICK CLEGG - sings ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Apple forced to deny ___/ _ |/_ > Chinese Electronics Factory Worker - The Game << Use your console to relive the pulse-pounding adventure that created... your console. Ironically, this vid was made and viewed using electronic consumer goods. "Because exploitation is awesome!" exults teaandcheese. http://bit.ly/VkQkNa >> Misery Bear's Night Out << The unhappy ursine heads out clubbing. "Doesn't end well," promises ratbanjoes. On the contrary; for Misery Bear it's quite a happy finish. http://b3ta.com/links/Misery_Bears_Night_Out >> Twitter Fuckometer << "I made this website that analyses the different swearing used on twitter," explains @davehurricane. "Just type in a thing and it shows how much each swear word is used in conjunction with your search. 'Boris' is normally good." First time we've heard him described as actually good... http://fuckometer.co.uk/ >> Birdstrike and Manballoon << "I teamed up with Butters to make this AWESOME high-octane adventure!" screams Joel Veitch. "Our Crime-Fighting Super Duo take on armed robbers!" If you're at all interested in making animation, you should also check out Butters's 'making of' vid. Although it'll probably put you off, because that boy works damned hard. http://b3ta.com/links/Birdstrike_and_Manballoon ------------------------------------------------- : DINOHOODIES PLUG Many of you know Cr3 - he along with Rob Tinsley writes code to help the B3ta wheel spin and his partner Charlotte also runs a lovely business selling hoodies that look like dinosaurs. Take it away Charlotte: "Firstly, thanks so much for putting a plug in the newsletter for me :) Halloween and Christmas are my biggest sale times, so the more people know about the site, the better! "Secondly, the details - we are running a 10% off sale on all hoodies and onesies until the 7th October. Ideal for Halloween costumes, for those too lazy or cack-handed to make their own :)" http://www.dinohoodie.com ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK B3ta Most Haunted Last week we asked for your spooky ghosty stories so we could pretend we're watching ITV4: http://b3ta.com/questions/mosthaunted/ * SCREAMS - "Back when the PS1 was the very cutting edge of excellent, I came home one late to find Best Beloved cowering in the corner of the sofa, utterly terrified. I tried to pry an explanation out of her, in between bouts of sobbing. Whatever this was, it had scared her very badly; badly enough that she didn't want to talk about it, so I wrapped my arms around her and we just sat there quietly. About 20 minutes later she screamed, jumped up and started crying again. She'd heard 'The noise' again. Then, like water from a burst dam: all afternoon, ever since she got home, there'd been this strange, high pitched screaming, too quiet to pin down, too intermittent to be certain of its objective reality. Her mother is a full-blown Loop-De-Doo schizophrenic, so she was pretty certain that it was either a) ghosts (unlikely) or b) the onset of The Voices trying to talk to her. She wasn't keen on either. So I too listened intently and another 15 mins later there it was. A definite, if faint, ethereal screaming noise. Lasted a long and faintly sphincter-tightening 30 seconds and then faded away. I recognised my foe and knew how to deal with it in seconds. Told Best Beloved to leave the room as she wouldn't want to see what I was about to do, and took up the universal remote as the closest blunt instrument to hand... I knew what had to be done to banish the spectre. I switched off the amplifier that was feeding from the Playstation to the speakers. Seems that setting the volume to zero when you pause Silent Hill doesn't _quite_ result in utter silence. Nasty bug, they should fix that..." (DukeEuphoria) * PHANTOM DRIVER - "Jamil is a lovely bloke. From Senegal, via France and Sweden to Blighty. He is also very black. ("Born in the night" is a phrase he tends to use). Whilst in Sweden, he was driving down an unlit road at night when a cop car drove towards him, suddenly turned and pulled him over. Now, the black population in Sweden is not exactly huge, and he'd suffered racism before, so was he already beginning to seethe at this perceived injustice. Slowly, one of the cops approaches before turning to his colleague, who appears to have started a laughing fit in the police car. He continues to Jamil. He's gone bright red and almost stutters as he speaks. 'Sorry sir. Err...I don't know quite what to say. It was dark, and, er, you are dark, and, er, I couldn't see anyone driving the car. I mean, it looked as if there was no-one in the car. Sorry. You can go.' (monkeyboyalpha) * JEEPERS CREEPERS - "Like most horror films, this is scary until they actually get to the blood and guts part, when it becomes a comedy. But I'd only got to the part when the two kids decide to investigate the mysterious pipe (into which The Creeper has been dumping oddly body-shaped packages when I realise the deep infra-bass pounding I can feel isn't coming from the TV. It's real, and it's in the house. And I can't watch any more... It turned out to be the local primary school disco playing 2 Unlimited." (rogerzilla) >> This Week - Shit Claims to Fame 2 << Got a shit claim to fame? Tell us so we can laugh with* you. It can't be as bad as having once gone on holiday with Ed Milliband's mum: http://b3ta.com/questions/claimstofame2/ * at ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Shitty iPhone Maps lols << Our conspiracy theory is that if Apple maps can't show us where Parliament is we can't overthrow it. Hmm, the Occupy movement has occupied the Thames and installed a military junta in a small branch of Starbucks. http://theamazingios6maps.tumblr.com/ >> StreamRead << "StreamRead.net is a brand new type of social service which takes all of your social media streams and feeds and converts them into a glossy magazine to read and absorb at your leisure," claims the blurb. It's satire, of course - imagine how shit a magazine actually based on your social media stream would be. http://streamread.net >> The Baby Died << Morbidly fascinating curiosities from the pages of old newspapers. Makes us relieved we no longer have to worry about our children being attacked in their beds by roving pigs. Yeesh. http://thebabydied.blogspot.co.uk/ >> Why not commit some fraud? << If you find a bank card and fancy stealing money - stick it in an ATM and you'll get 3 goes at guessing the number. Try 1234, 1111, 0000. People are so bad at making up passwords you've got a one in five chance of getting some cash out. Of course, you'll be doing that on the ATM's camera, so wear a false moustache. http://www.datagenetics.com/blog/september32012/ >> Magical homing shoes << For "magical", read "GPS" but, blimey, these are clever. Like being guided home by the pixies. http://www.psfk.com/2012/09/gps-shoe-guides-home.h... >> FILMography << Gallery of movie stills held up in front of the locations where they were shot. Genuinely a cool thing, which will probably get us out and about in London with our cameras. http://philmfotos.tumblr.com/ >> RGB colourspace atlas << Spectacular book made entirely out of colours. No idea if it has any use, but it makes a beautiful cube. http://bit.ly/Qbifhe >> Guy takes tech advice from 4chan << Unbelievably naive youngster follows 4chan trolls' advice and screws up his dad's work computer. Who does he ask how to fix it? 4chan again... http://www.nastyhobbit.org/details.php >> National Office of Importance << "From 1915-2003, the National Office of Importance carried out its statutory public duty 'to inform, insist and admonish' on behalf of the British Government." Engaging exhibition of 100% fictitious government propaganda. http://nationalofficeofimportance.blogspot.co.uk/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Animated gifs for people with ears >> Sad Nick Clegg sings sorry << Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg is desperate for people to forgive his party for stabbin... for reneging on some pre-election promises. Obviously, he looks utterly ridiculous, with a little help from Auto-tune. We've watched this a few times now and it's odd how lyrical his speech already was. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> How to build a bookshelf << Handy step-by-step guide to DIY - if you're man enough to follow it. http://bit.ly/SbMeXF >> Woman reads aloud, distracted by sex-toy << One advantage to the iPad; you can run a vibrator off it while reading 50 Shades of Grey. Beat that, Kindle. Oh, meanwhile, this is black and white, making it either High Art or a Guinness ad. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Woman_reads_book >> The (Secret) City of London: Government << If you think you have a good, simple idea of how the City of London works, you're almost certainly wrong. The place is incredibly old and its inner gubbins are Byzantine, as this fascinating video shows. http://bit.ly/RIVy1r First part also interesting and here: http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Mentos + coke + condom << Wildly enthusiastic Italian commentary adds to the explosive phallic fun. http://bit.ly/OMmMDk ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the What Lies Beneath Challenge Last week we wanted you to reveal the stuff that's under other stuff Your favourites included: * GHERKIN: London landmark's saucy true identity revealed (The Silent Channel) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10847357 * LEONARDO: not as talented as we've been led to believe (printmeister) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10846769 * MANHOLE: where fluffy meets wtf (ham o' shatner) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10847104 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/whatliesbeneath/ >> New challenge: Haunted House << Halloween's ages off but we don't care. We'll do scary stuff any time. So this week's challenge is to photoshop these scared people — http://imgur.com/a/hRhJg/ — and make them look even more stupid. Challenge suggested by robneymcplum and Joe Scaramanga http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hauntedhouse/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. >> iControl Pad << Last week we asked you to promise to donate cash to the Kickstarter project run my long term B3tan Craig Rothwell who writes, "We're so thankful for the pledges so far, the newsletter is doing its magic, the whole process is obviously terrifying, but we hope it works." Donates now about $60k up from $20k last week - keep at it guys! http://kck.st/Pewy3d >> Human reproduction part two << Grey Bloke continues explaining where babies come from, in slightly too much helpful detail. http://b3ta.com/links/Human_reproduction_part_two ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * SCRAMBLED SNAKE EGGS - are they delicious? * COMPARE APPLES AND ORANGES - science says you can't. We say you can. * AN ALGORITHM THAT HIDES ASTROTURFING - just as toxic to the fibre of the web as spam is and who is writing code to remove it? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Chums : [email protected] Cocks : [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by taters, Amadeus, simbosan, ‏@opgreenfly, robneymcplum, @chthonicionic, @pollollups, Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver, ‏@scaryduck, @rosshorsley, Tusk, ‏@davidnield, fluffybunnykiller. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top Tip bu Stinky Dick. Subjlols via Joe Scaramanga. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you wash every day it's possible, even probable, you don't actually need to use deodorant. However, if you are a bit skuzzy with your personal hygiene don't take this as an excuse to be more skuzzy. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive