we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: PRINCE CHARLES' LONG RANGE WEATHER FORECAST PREDICTS A LACK OF REIGN next issue » « previous issue This Week: * HOSE BAN - Fun with pipes * ACCENT - Compelling Chinese infomercial * IGNORE HITLER - on DrawSomething ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the ___/ _ |/_ > 101 uses for a banned hosepipe << "Yo!" shrills superdonal. "We made this video to make it VERY CLEAR that the hosepipe ban doesn't mean packing away your hosepipe. Oh no." Some great ideas and who can beat the location (London's scenic Kentish Town)? http://bit.ly/INKgVA >> Tilt-shift photography (from a plane) << Urbex enthusiast Fragglehunter likes to take pictures of unusual buildings while flying over them in a light aircraft. Here's some tilt-shift stuff. We like to think al-Qaeda's scouting reports are just as charmingly composed, although theirs are marred by an over-enthusiasm for Instamatic filters. http://bit.ly/IWV8Ew >> Face Invaders << "I made a video out of a photo of my face!" cries Cyriak. "I'm not sure why, but here it is." Like taking peyote in the Cbeebies giftshop (where they sell rubber masks of Cyriak's face). http://bit.ly/IY7Ofj >> Stock photo record covers << "At their worst, album covers can look like unusable stock photography," observes monkeon. "I wondered how some records may have looked if, instead of coming up with a concept and commissioning a photo shoot, the designer had just typed the record title into the search box of a stock photo site and made do." The result is pleasingly literal. http://www.monkeon.co.uk/stockalbums/ >> The joy of spam << "If you manage a blog, you're familiar with the mountains of comment spam that arrive in your inbox every day," explains S Snail. "I noticed that the mishmashed bollocks I was receiving often had a kind of bizarre poetry to it, so I started archiving my favourites." Say what you like, but spammers often seem to have a lovely turn of phrase. http://welbog.tumblr.com ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Hoarding Television is all over the people who keep everything from their daily paper to their daily poos, but you lot have been hoarding much more interesting things: http://b3ta.com/questions/hoarding/ * SPECIALS - "My father-in-law cannot resist special offers in supermarkets. If there's 3-for-2 on toothpaste he'll buy 15 packets. Same with soap, toilet roll, shampoo, pasta, rice, and pretty much anything non-perishable. He used to have a big family around so I guess it made sense, but now they've all moved away he's still got most of the stuff around when the next 3-for-2 offer comes around, yet he just can't resist it. We went to stay there a few months ago, and I opened the wardrobe to unpack our clothes. It was completely jam-packed with toiletries. The bathroom cabinet was packed. The kitchen cupboards were packed. You could hardly move for multi-packs of toilet roll in the garage. I asked him if they never had special offers on beer or wine at his supermarket. "Come in here lad", he said, and opened the door of the office which was packed from floor to ceiling with cases of beer and boxes of wine, "Suppose you'd better help me drink it." Not a bad bloke, my father-in-law." (Smale) * SECRETS - "I used to live in a pub which had three floors not including the cellar. From the outside the building looked huge but inside everything was surprisingly cramped. My Mum and Dad once looked into taking out a floor to make a massive function room. When they tore up the floor they found another floor sandwiched in between floors two and three. A long thin room, filled with hundreds and hundreds of fake ration books from WW2, stockings, chocolate and tinned foods. We'd uncovered a spiv's Aladdin's cave." (atdotslash) * STRINGS - "My great gran was an epic hoarder but my favourite find after she died was a small box labelled, "Bits of string too small to be of any use." (PhillieJoe) >> This Week - Shops and Supermarkets << Back before "unexpected items in the bagging area," supermarkets employed people. Tell us your tales of those people, or your own tales if you were one: http://b3ta.com/questions/shopsandsupermarkets/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Goths on OK Cupid << Searching OK Cupid for pictures of goths and posting them on Tumblr is rather mean and we don't find this kind of thing funny at all. http://gothsonokcupid.tumblr.com/ >> Ignore Hitler << Jemma writes, "My mate Michael likes to add irrelevant Hitlers to his Draw Something drawings. I thought cartoon pictures of Hitler in a paddling pool and a thong would be perfect for the B3ta newsletter and, as he says, anything that reduces a genocidal prick to an acceptable figure of mockery is a good thing." http://ignorehitler.tumblr.com/ >> Nerdy retro poster design << You give them text like, "B3ta is Great" and they'll make a poster going 10 PRINT "B3ta is Great" 20 GOTO 10. We'd buy one but it's not like we need more signs telling the world we're old nerds. http://bit.ly/JiRWFh >> Obama equal marriage gifs << Thumbs up for Obama gay/equal marriage. a) Timing made Cameron look like a tit, b) trolling Republican lols, and c) it's the right thing to do. http://whenobamaendorsed.tumblr.com/ >> Air travel golden ticket << Fascinating story about how the airlines used to sell unlimited travel tickets and lost money on it. Stick it in your 'read later' device of choice. http://lat.ms/KeXfVo >> Historical photo from different angle << A fascinating photo of the Tiananmen Square protest - a protest that's relevant and still controversial to this day. Largely presented in the Western media as a cry for democracy and the freemarket - some, such as Naomi Klein, say it was plea by students to stop the economic reforms that were pushing China to the land of Foxxcon it is today. Regardless of who is right, it's an intriguing lump of history that rewards closer analysis. http://nyti.ms/JIa2fp ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Introducing an exciting new site called Youtube >> Real-world Outrun << Ah, bless academia. A place where genius nerds can make a career from stuff like building an 80s console game onto the front of a golf cart, then letting you drive with it. http://conceptlab.com/outrun/ >> Best. Accent. Ever. << Like a Chinese Lloyd Grossman, this infomercial guy is almost incomprehensible. Yet, somehow, we still want to buy some of those amazing-looking kitchen knives. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Best_Accent_Ever >> Rock band blows video budget << Excellent vid follows a stoner rock band as they blow their entire video budget... Watch to the end. http://bit.ly/JIa3jC >> Jimmy Carr crushes hecklers << Everybody likes to see hecklers get what's coming to them. Carr delivers a verbal beatdown or two. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Jimmy_Carr_dealing_with_... >> Coyote finally gets Road Runner << What happens when Wile E Coyote finally, finally wins? Then what? A clip from 'Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy" - by the creators of Family Guy. There's about 30 mins of this stuff if you dig about on the web. http://bit.ly/J52B07 >> Don't mention Thatcher << 1980s union leader Arthur Scargill is asked his opinion of Margaret Thatcher these days. Silence is seldom so eloquent. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Arthur_Scargill_talks_Th... ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER These are the depths we are plumbing nowadays * WHEN NURSERY RHYMES ARE CASSANDRA-LIKE PROPHECY - "There was an old man called Michael Finnegan / He grew whiskers on his chinnegan." http://ksuanth.weebly.com/finnegan.html * GOATSE QUEEN MONEY - jeligula writes, "I thought this worth your attention, as it seems to me that the portrait of Queen Elizabeth as she appears on the back of the new Canadian $20 dollar bill... well, when viewed at arm's length, it looks like her face is right above a man's crack as he goatses the world. Never mind the 9/11 reference people are screaming about, they are missing the bigger picture. I'm looking at it right now and, I tell you it has to be seen to be believed." http://yhoo.it/KVb1rg ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Biro Art Challenge Last week we wanted you to get jiggy with some ink. Your favourites included: * BIRO: tenderly rendered biro, in biro, for biro art challenge from the biro art man (NobbyNobody) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10760711 * EGYPT: conceived of a golden phallus after Osiris's member was eaten by a catfish, Horus also like skiing http://www.b3ta.com/board/10760834 * AAAAGH: monsters. Lots of them. All different colours and everything (Captain Howdy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10760745 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/biros/ >> New challenge: Camels << This week's one-word challenge is to celebrate those mighty ships of the desert: CAMELS. Challenge suggested by edward bear and Drunken Miss Columbho http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/camels/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * CHARITY YAY - mushybees writes, "Thanks to you lot, B3ta and Facebook we got £464 for @MindCharity last week by doing nothing! Give more!" http://www.justgiving.com/mushybees * VAX NOSTALGIA - A Lurker writes, "A mate of mine who has worked with computers since mainframes used to be assembled out of modules the size of buses which were themselves assembled in proper Manchester engineering shops, uses a selection of footers such as "Sent from my PDP11/45" & "Sent from my VAX 11/780" He doesn't have (or want) an iPhone either..." Ha - Your Ginger Fuhrer's first job interview in London was looking after some Vax for some financial company (it was still in place in late 90s, as no one knew if getting rid of it would make the whole financial industry collapse - that was the fear anyway). He actually got the job but didn't take it up as - Christ - looking after an ancient old Vax sounded dull as fuck. * SHED OF THE YEAR - the reader's shed people write, "Just to let you know that Sunday May 20th is closing Date for Shed of the year 2012. We have some great entries this year and even a b3tan one. Public Voting opens May 21st - then our shed judges including Sarah Beeny , Neil Gaiman Shed of the year 2011 Winner Jon Earl and me - Uncle Wilco - will pick a winner from the top shed in each category." http://www.readersheds.co.uk/share.cfm ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include: * LONDON SKYLINE - Go up to Alexandra Palace, take a photo of the London skyline and add arrows saying what is what and who owns it. The Shard, for instance, was built with Sharia-compliant investment meaning (in theory) that no western banks, gambling or alcohol companies should be in residence there. * HANKIE CODE FOR STRAIGHTS - Red hankie: "I'm on the blob". Blue hankie: "I vote Tory." * SKIPPABLE TV LIST - concurrency writes, "I watch iPlayer sometimes. The Apprentice has about 3 minutes of titles and irrelevant catch-up followed by about 15 seconds of 'Week x' title card and moody London skyline establisher. The voiceover kicks in at 3:15 exactly. There are other shows that do the same. How about a list/page/links directly to the first new content part of the programmes?" Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Great people: [email protected] Spunk badgers: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Monty Boyce, KnackerDwarf, Turquoise Hexagon Sun, TheTrampSurveyor, Claude Speed, planearm, superdonal, pigfaceturnip & Mark Davison, ShiddyMitters, Matt Round is a lovely man and ShiddyMitters Image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tips via robneymcplum. Subjlols via HappyToast. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Help prevent cancer by 'liking' lots of anti-cancer initiatives on Facebook. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive