we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "OMG THEY WANT TO START CHARGING FOR B3TA PUT THIS IN UR STATUS THIS IS SERIOUS" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ITV - "loves" video games * LLAMAS - cutest font ever * FOREIGN - Top YouTube LOLs in other countries ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're selling off ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. We don't bite unless that's what you want to pay us for. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Cats, Shopping, ITV and Murder >> webuyanycat.com << "So, you're no longer smitten with your kitten. You've had enough of your bundle of fluff..." begins Cats4Gold. "That's why, in a moment of warped inspiration, we created webuyanycat.com – the cat buying service that's so good, it's unreal." http://www.webuyanycat.com/ >> Late Night Shopping 3 << "Well sexy," brags Weebl, who has a crush on the supermarket checkout girl. We'd describe this as dubstep, if we could agree on what that is. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Late_Night_Shopping_3 >> ITV Luvs Video Games << Nice little spoof by dogfood, ripping the piss out of ITV, who recently got caught out including computer game footage in one of their documentaries. Doh. http://www.b3ta.com/links/ITV_Luvs_Video_Games >> Murderer's Gardener's World << "Titchmarsh goes off his tits," explains liambauckham of this peculiarly sinister Sunday afternoon programming. http://goo.gl/xua5E ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK B3ta fixes the world We asked for your most over-simplified, ill thought through instant fixes for society. We got some lovely, silly ideas and some full on ranty rants that we're still reeling from: http://b3ta.com/questions/fixtheworld/ * SERIOUS, RADICAL CHANGE - "All your ideas for fixing the world are well-meaning, but ultimately naïve. The world will be improved by them in certain cosmetic respects, but the big problems will remain unaddressed. What the world needs is a genuine vision. Something that will shake it to the core, raze it and start again. A radical change. Epoch-making. Tectonic. We must rebuild the world in such a way as to mean that the old world is not just a memory; it must not be a memory at all. We must prepare for something cataclysmic. Nothing else will do. And if we examine the darkest and deepest recesses of our collective souls, we know what form this cataclysm must take. Friends, B3tans, lurkers, all. There is no time to hesitate. Now is the time for action. The label must be redesigned so that it actually fits bottles of Angostura bitters." (Enzyme) * STEP, STEP, BOINGY - "Trampolines that look like paving slabs hidden in the pavement. Just to keep people alert. I for one would arrive at work 75% happier if I had accidentally done a somersault on my way in." (PERSONALITY HORSE) * OOH! AAH! AARGH! - "Make fireworks dangerous again. Over the years there’s been lots of rule changes to make fireworks safer and safer. Fuck that. If the kids in my street are going to keep me awake for most of October and November, I at least want the satisfaction of knowing that some of the little scrotes have blown their fingers off, or at least lost an eye." (Ring Of Fire) >> This Week's Question - Crap Gadgets << Our power adapter drawer stands testament to the sheer number of crappy electric doodads we've thought were the best thing ever for, ooh, a week. Tell us about your own: http://b3ta.com/questions/crapgadgets/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Say it with llamas << A font. Made of llamas. Does what it says on the tin. Assuming the tin says, "makes lamas" on it. http://llamafont.com/ >> Goatse as Industrial Sabotage << @TovHarris writes, "Can you put this in the B3ta newsletter please?" Oh go on then, we love a left-wing politically-motivated goatse theory. http://t.co/dNYEDsOA >> What was "mummy brown"? << You see that pre-Raphaelite painting? A bit brown, isn't it? Guess how they made the brown. MUMMY BROWN IS DEAD PEOPLE. Really. http://is.gd/VVFHVe >> Want to see your home destroyed? << Type your address in here. Clever google map stuff only slightly ruined by a naff US-style postbox. Warning: it's probably an ad for something but just so the advertising doesn't work, it's probably an ad for something shit. http://www.chaosinyourtown.com ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like radio with fuzzy pictures >> Let's Be Careful Out There << Cop Rock was a 90s police drama by legendary Hill Street Blues producer Steven Bochco. The twist being that it was a musical, played completely straight. Yeah. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Thunder LOLcats << Memes are totally over - tell your friends. Thundercats parody larded with an infinity of silly internet in-jokes. You'll love it or hate it. Or love it AND hate it. http://www.youtu.be/O0dj-xdg_FY >> Puerile apple fun << Watch the ad, while repeatedly pressing '6' on your keyboard. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. http://bit.ly/rajFEC >> Juggalos speak their minds << Great documentary, as a bloke takes his camera round the annual gathering of hardcore Insane Clown Posse fans. A glimpse into somewhere genuinely odd. http://vimeo.com/29589320 >> Say No to Suicide << Heartfelt bit of stuff from Scroobius Pip. Although, to be fair, we thought the whole *point* of suicide is to make your family sad. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crikey:5 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the 'Three Frame Movie' Challenge Last week we wanted you to use your powers of editing to make jokes out of films. Our favourites included: * ET - possibly with Eliot played by the young George Osborne. (Lord Kronos) http://b3ta.com/board/10545574 * PLANET OF THE APES - crazy monkey sex has consequences. (Puromycin) http://b3ta.com/board/10545000 * BIG - Tom Hanks grows up. (Monkeon) http://b3ta.com/board/10548768 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/threeframes/ >> New challenge: Unlikely film merchandise << Merchandise for films that normally wouldn't have merchandise. The Last Tango in Paris Butter Dish, Se7ev Happy Meal Jack in a Box. Titanic bath toy. Oh you can do better, and that's why this is a challenge. http://b3ta.com/challenge/mechandiseforunlikelyfil... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * FORIEGN FUNNIES - @mikenco suggests, "Use Google translate. Translate the word 'funny' (or whatever) into another language. Paste that word into Youtube. E.g. this is what comes up for 'funny' in Arabic." http://t.co/FAYaPJBc * WHAT B3TA'S CAL DID NEXT - looks utterly amazing too. http://t.co/a3PiPO7q ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Still about as funny as cancer * BEST TYPO EVER - until the next best typo ever. http://www.b3ta.com/links/best_typo_ever ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * iPHONES TO BE WATERPROOF - our £5 Casio digital watch is. FFS Apple, sort it out. * MEAT JAM - boil up a fuckload of sausages, sugar and pectin. Surely this would be delicious. * A VERSION OF TWITTER FOR 80 CHAR TWEETS - we haven't got the attention span anymore. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @SirDoofusStyles, acroline, webade, olderandwider, pieceoplastic, @andygoulding, danabnormal, finnbar & annefgreaves. Top Tippery by fluffybunnykiller. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sujlols by AD7. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Convince friends and family that you are gay by frequently denying it. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive