we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IT'S LIKE A 486... BUT ONE LOUDER" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * POTTER - Super-quick catch-up * ZOO - of the past * SARUMAN - Trololol ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're launching our ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Potter, Memories, Kittens and Scenery >> Harry Potter Abridged (1-7 part I) << "HIYA!" booms woahbot. "Thought you lot might need a Harry Potter catch up before you go and see the new film! Enjoy!" Genuine lols, as the sequels whizz by. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Harry_Potter_Abridged_1_... >> Draw stuff from memory << "We've got a new blog," boast Hero of Switzerland. "It's in need of contributions. FROM MEMORY." Nice idea; draw famous characters entirely from your own powers of recollection. Some funny results too - why not have a bash at it? http://frommemorytopaper.blogspot.com/ >> Kitten face-ifyer << "You upload a photo and it detects anyone facing the camera then replaces their faces with faces of kittens," explains probe. "There's obviously no need to explain how useful this is." He should do this as an app - quids in! http://www.kittenfaces.com/ >> Through the viewfinder << "If you don't like the scenery... change it," explains Black Moon. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Through_the_viewfinder ------------------------------------------------- : FOX NEWS UK DOMAIN STUNT Exclusive interview from your soar-away B3ta Everywhere we looked on the 13th was linking to the domain prank foxnewsuk.com - it was made by B3ta chumette ASCII Cat and we thought we'd catch up for an exclusive interview. WHY? Murdoch was pulling out of the BSKYB bid and I got rather over-excited. This means no chance of Fox News in the UK. Well at least for now, we've won the battle but the war is still raging. WHY ALL THE VIEW SOURCE STUFF? I knew people would be looking for clues about who was behind it and the first thing I'd do in a situation like this would be to view the source to see what was there. Once I noticed people had clocked the first joke on Twitter, "secret message is secret" I started bunging more and more in. BEST REACTIONS? Slightly confused by the people covering it as "Fox News HACKED by Anon", which was wrong on two counts. I liked the script I found on Pastebin that someone had written to make a changelog of all the edits I was doing. It also made the Express & Star newspaper. Which was nice. WHO ARE YOU? ASCII Cat, meow meow, read Chomsky, meow. Remember to view source: http://www.FoxNewsUK.com ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Dodgy Work Ethics Last week we asked what the worst thing you'd been asked to do at work was, and if you'd actually done it: http://b3ta.com/questions/dodgyworkethics/ * "A company I worked at had big night out. A treasure hunt through the streets of Croydon with a quiz at the final pub. A series of clues, each leading to the next pub, and on the way were challenges: a copy of a certain newspaper dated the day BEFORE the hunt, the most intricate or amusing model built out of McDonalds drinking straws etc. To say my boss was competitive would be putting it mildly. He wanted to win this and win this big. So he turned to me. "You know that week you're having off next month. The week you won't be paid for because you're a contractor? How would you like to get paid for that week?" So I waited until everyone went home and wandered up to where the guy setting the route worked and ghosted his hard drive. Ferreted through his documents until I had the route, the quiz, the challenges, the lot. On the night our team roared around the circuit with a copy of the previous day's Guardian, a magnificent pre-built McDonalds-straw peep-hole bra that Sally, the token girl from IT, wore and we knew every single quiz answer. Then, in the penultimate pub, we ran into the marketing team. They were looking confident, but their McDonalds straw creation was waaay better than ours. It was a perfect, desk-sized model of giraffe. Tightly-woven, perfectly scaled, it made our effort look like something produced by pre-pubescent kids. So I did what any contractor who wanted a paid week off would do. I took one for the team. Boss engaged them in conversation. I leaned back against the bar and flicked my lighter... " (Legless) * "A bloke I worked with a few years ago used to have a job delivering sun beds. Usually these were for young ladies so he'd happily give them some chat, set the sun beds up, check they worked and be on his way... for about about as long as he reckoned it'd take them to get their kit off before he'd return, knocking on the door because he'd 'forgotten' to leave the goggles. Worked quite well apparently. Maybe I should have put this in the Top Tips section?" (RTFM) * "My boss used to pay me to fuck her daughter. Only she called it "babysitting." But we all know what she meant." (CactusZack) >> This Week's Question - Road Trips << Twelve days trekking across deserts? Three weeks in a hippie bus through the Far East? The Northern Line at 8am? Tell us of the epic journeys you've made: http://b3ta.com/questions/roadtrip/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Old photos of London zoo << Zoos are funny old things. The line we're expected to follow is that they do lots of work for conservation etc, but to our eyes most of the animals look fucking miserabe. Especially the bigger creatures like lions and apes. Enjoy these great photos from the past there was utterly no pretence that zoos were an improving experience and it was all LOL let's get monkeys to play guitars! http://LDN.in/rUdoED >> When creative directors hover << Flashback of memory to doing maths in school and the teacher coming up behind you and then you freeze OMG CAN'T WRITE ANYTHING. For some the hell of school never ends. http://t.co/THiv6Wu >> World's worst records << @dwbullock writes, "Hi B3ta, I know its a bit cheeky, but a plug in the B3ta newsletter would be delightful." OK then, seeing as it's a rather fun blog about really, really shit records. http://www.worldsworstrecords.blogspot.com >> Well-timed street photography << What goes lol. click. lol. click. lol. click? You, after opening this website: http://mattstuart.com >> Best Carl Sagan animated gif ever! << "Look at the pale blue dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives." Yeah but we're colour-blind and it looks green to us. Take that, Sagan! http://i.imgur.com/7MBuD.gif >> "They're made of Meat!" << "Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!" Short story that's probably as old as the hills and boringly familiar to most of you, but it's new to us, and we enjoyed it. So there. http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Imagine something a bit like youtube >> Victor Lewis Smith on QVC << Very much the Fonejacker of his day, the great man trolls a home shopping channel. Classic stuff! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Victor_Lewis_Smith_on_QV... >> Trollolol Saruman << Even in defeat he's pure evil! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Trolling_Saruman >> EDL demo in Tower Hamlets shock truth << Innocuous-looking guy with balls of steel chats with the racist troglodytes of the EDL. About fashion. http://goo.gl/wyGTh >> Living in the Future << Akira the Don's rapping homage to internet techno-joy. http://t.co/x5lbrve >> How to deactivate a cat << Kittens have a little bit at the back of their necks so their mum can carry them round. Theoretically, then, this should work on lions - anyone fancy trying it? http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_deactivate_a_cat >> Scissor Sisters + puppets << Amazing performance from last year's Brit awards, as the Scissor Sisters step up their choreography to Spinal Tap levels. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Funny = shit. Like Slipknot said. * PENIS PAD - @Itsallaboutcake writes, "there seems to be a cock and balls on my pantyliner!" http://lockerz.com/s/119982959 * TOASTIE GOATSE - @matt_armstrong writes, "Is is my imagination, or is this a Breville toastie goatse?" http://twitpic.com/5pwaxh * FUCK SPAIN - probably not funny as the Basque / Spain issues is a political hot potato that we don't want to touch. Apparently a greeting on the road in Tour De France. (via @JacksofBuxton) http://lockerz.com/s/120041366 * BLOKE WITH ACTUAL FUNNY NAME - we can't say this out loud without giggling. (thx jazzytrumpetguy) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0564044/ * PHAEDOPILES - @willcooper writes, "My sister-in-law mentioned this lot the other day. One spelling mistake from disaster." We think they should round up the pheados and throw away the khey. http://www.teamphaedo.com/ ------------------------------------------------- Support the #BBCStrike. Don't cross the virtual picket line and become a cyber-scab by clicking http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * PANTS THAT STAY FRESH ALL YEAR LONG - "we're sick of having to change them every bleeding month." What's what we said, but simbosan points out it's in the news already. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-14045387 * BREAKING! @gotimmy has updated his website. Huzzah! http://www.hasrebekahbrooksbeensackedyet.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. This week we're going to fill this section with ideas for charities that they wouldn't buy but probably should * SCOPE: Spazbot. Replies to tweets using the words spaz/scoper and points them at resources saying why this is bad * NSPCC: Stick loads of files on the darknet called "kiddyporn1.mov" and then basically play a "DON'T YOU FEEL ASHAMED?" message and direct the paedos to get help. * GREENPEACE - get loads of celebs to paint their 'piece' green. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Stashie, wonderwizard, mrandrist, edwardrussia, TwoSheds78, PhosphorBurnedEyes, @ToastMaster, @editorialgirl, Mushroom and Enzyme. Top Tippery by robneymcplum.I Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via @ereuben ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Blind people: if you are bored with nothing to do, stand near a cool breeze and the resulting chills will give you goose bumps which you can then 'read' like braille for an interesting, abstract story. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive