we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T AFFORD A GLASTONBURY TICKET" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Sex-Wogan * CAMERA - In the post * FOX - vs Jon Stewart ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sniffing the ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than >> Pornographic Images of Terry Wogan << "I just have nothing better to do with my time," confesses a shamed Butters, over this jaunty animation of the ageing National Treasure's indefatigable sexual appetites. Bonus fact: Terry Wogan's autobiography is called 'Wogan on Wogan'. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Pornographic_Images_of_T... >> Bond re-edit (View to a Kill) << "Here's a new edit of View to a Kill," brags idiofy. "I also have a Goldfinger and Casino Royale one too if you're interested." A vast improvement on the original. http://www.b3ta.com/links/My_new_Bond_re_edit_View... >> Make your own old-school C64 logos << In the comfort and convenience of your browser, you can create your own 80s-style computer game text. Thanks, codepo8! http://isithackday.com/logo-o-matic/ >> Bono's cock << Keen newswatchers may already be aware that Bono's cock has been running wild and annoying the neighbours. TommyReckless has made it into a little tune. BTW We are quite excited to see what will happen with the big protest against U2 at Glasto. http://t.co/OtWMGlz ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Horrible Things You've Done to a Loved One Well, farting on their heads mostly: http://b3ta.com/questions/horriblethings/ * BLING - It wasn't premeditated, but once, rifling through the top-drawer of junk, looking for some money or something, I came across a box. Without thinking (that's me!) I took it out, turned to my girlfriend and went down on one knee. "Sarah?" "Yes??" *glee hands* *opens box* "Have you seen my cuff links? They're ace aren't they?" There was much tears and flouncing. They were ace cuff links though." (Zak McFlimby) * BANG - "WWII: My dad and his younger sister are playing in front of the house. A shell explodes VERY near. Luckily the ground wasn't even, and the shell fell into a dip. So the shrapnel flew around them, sparing their lives, but the house was fully hit. Imagine the scene: a huge boom, plaster falling off the wall, smashed glass, dust flying around. My grandma was in the house, called her sons and started running to go outside and see if they were ok. My father to his little sister: "Let's lay down and play dead." Hilarity ensues." (frox) * BRRR - "She's always cold, especially in the middle of winter. On long car journeys she usually falls asleep after 10 minutes or so. I put the air con to the coldest setting and wait for the cold to start waking her up. I then put the heating on full blast. When she finally comes to, she can't work out why she's so cold yet the heater is on full. I've been doing this for years..." (Yellow Car) >> This Week's Question : Sex << We'd like your stories of disastrous bedroom antics. The ones that don't involve your mum leaving you a cup of tea whilst you were wanking. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/bedroomdisasters/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Camera in the post << Neat art project - stick a disposable camera in the post and ask people to photograph the journey. You should do the same, but send your camera to Nigeria, you know, give it a bit of a journey. http://goo.gl/tdZ9A >> Music project stung for $32k << Andy Baio organised an album project where chiptune artists covered Miles Davies's Kind of Blue. For the cover he comissioned a pixel artist to do an 8bit take on the original photographic cover. He's now been stung for $32,000 - most of his savings - by the delightful lawyers representing photographer Jay Maisel. As Gizmodo write, it's "Kind of A Dick Move‎". http://bit.ly/mNHtzY >> Famous TV Vampire Angel does stuff << You probably don't give a shit - but we watched 5 seasons of that show and this is funny. Gay, but funny. http://angeldoesstuff.tumblr.com/ >> Animals being dicks << This has been everywhere for the last two weeks, we're giving in and linking it to shut you up. It's in, ok? http://www.animalsbeingdicks.com >> Texty, ascii boxy bollocks << Throw away your desktop apps; browser-based Photoshop is here! http://www.asciiflow.com ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like cinema but without the velvet curtains >> John Stewart vs Fox 'News' << John Stewart and Fox News argue about who is the propagandist. As we've been listening to about 2gb of Noam Chomsky downloads all week, we'd argue both of them. http://goo.gl/EOsr8 >> Gentle parody of Adam Curtis << Curtis's recent TV series received much criticism from the nerds who pointed out that Curtis stitches together disconnected narratives and kind-of hopes for the best. Our tip is to read his blog, where he generally tells one story per blog post and stays more coherent. http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Loving_Trap >> Paranoid Android done by lots and lots of people << One of those semi-adverts for YouTube / internets where people make music without meeting each other. Great stuff, but meeting people is GOOD TOO you know. (Not really; we've replaced all our friends with Twitter.) http://goo.gl/rEBgl >> Leonard Solomon and his home-made music machine << The shed is the one place in life where a human being can be truly free to pursue his wants and dreams. Let's salute the shed. http://goo.gl/XPGwq >> Sid Vicious on X Factor << Sid was so-named after being bitten by his friend John Lydon's hamster. He said, "Sid is really vicious." The name stuck. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Sid_Vicious >> Receipt racer << When Peak Oil truly hits and we're living in rotten shanty towns where nothing works, we'll remember videos like this and go "lol". http://www.b3ta.com/links/Receipt_racer ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Funny meaning shit and useless of course * MEH - You need some new flooring. But not too fancy; you want it a bit meh... http://t.co/PR9Hg6D * ANGEL DELIGHT - The photo on Angel Delight's Wikipedia page. Probably NSFW due to er... well... it looking a bit like a fanny. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Angel_Delight.jp... * ARE YOU A DRAPIST? - We are, but we haven't been caught yet. http://www.halfpricedrapes.com/ * PHALLIC LOGOS - yet another, this one from a cash and carry. http://www.horecatotaal.be/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the b3tadvertisng Challenge Last week we wanted you to imagine that b3ta was an advertising agency. Your favourites included: * NOKIA - mobile phone giant in Human Centipede-style connection farrago (dirtyscarab) http://b3ta.com/board/10451686 * NIKE - in which the good Professor Hawking abandons his chair for a more active existence (Mr Chicken) http://b3ta.com/board/10453541 * ADIDAS - German sports conglomerate introduces unfortunate maritime disaster campaign (printmeister) http://b3ta.com/board/10453323 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/b3tadvertising/ >> New challenge: The Secret Life of Kitchens << This week's challenge is simply to picture what the stuff in your kitchen gets up to when when you're not looking. Bon Appétit http://b3ta.com/challenge/kitchens/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * POOR OLD DARKLORD - many /linkers paid tribute to Kenny Hawkes' passing and produced a playlist of his favourite tunes - over 100 of them - thanks dreddpiratebob for putting this together. http://goo.gl/sa6QU Also interesting is a series of Q&As with Kenny about synths. Who knew he was so knowledgeable? http://goo.gl/BQwge * KEVIN ELDON GIG - "I don't know what your policy is regarding plugging charity gigs on the newsletter," inquires RTJ, "but I'm doing a big spoken word thing that I think B3tans would enjoy. 'Utter!' heartbreak!" So, on Friday 1st July, why not go see the hilarious Kevin Eldon, plus Tim Wells' choons, Robert Auton, Zena Edwards and Richard Tyrone Jones? It's £13 on the door, but it all goes to the British Heart Foundation (50%) and Cardiomyopathy Association (50%). Drayton Court is just on the corner as you turn left out of West Ealing station. Plus, if you book now you can save £2.50 on your charity donation. http://www.wegottickets.com/event/120680 ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Some kind of puzzle game Loads of boarders appeared to enjoy this and voted it highly but we couldn't get the hang of it. Maybe we're just shit: http://goo.gl/gI0ce ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * GOOGLE TIME - @jingies asks, "I've a request for 'would like to see' in newsletter: some way to draw a radius in Google maps based on travel time not distance." * ALL TEACHERS SACKED, REPLACED WITH E-LEARNING SOFTWARE AND SECURITY GUARDS TO KEEP ORDER - actually this isn't something we want to see, but a fear of what might happen. * BUILD A ROCKET AND FIRE IT TO THE MOON - why not? Sounds like a fun thing to do. Nobody else is really doing it now. Send your sticky leaks via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Tits: [email protected] Arseholes: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS, ANKLES. THANKLES: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @davebirss, @wickyewok, Cheryl Hanlon, Le Petit Dodo, @davidnield, @benjymous, Rushy, Tael, tofer, sinisterduck, custard, @scatatkins, mrandrist, Herb Alperts Taxi Driver, social hand grenade, bumface. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Tip via costas. Subjlols via Coin Operated Boy. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Anvils, pianos and bin-bags filled with dogshit make ideal 'raindrops' for Richard Littlejohn. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive