we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY. THAT'LL BE $2.99, PLEASE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * NAZIS - On the BBC * DR WHO - Knickers. Apparently. * LULZSEC - Crazy CGI hacker news ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're doing the ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Lollies, Wheels and Dogs >> Billy Potatoes 4 << Billy has a lolly... but how long can he keep it IN A WORLD GONE MAD??? http://bit.ly/isiLQd >> Animal wheel covers << "I have been collecting peculiar spare wheel covers for cars," explains Wildyles. "They're mostly horses and dogs, that have probably died." It's probably the equivalent of WWI fighter pilots with pictures of planes they shot down. http://animalwheelcovers.tumblr.com/ >> Bono the biggest dog in the world << "There's a fire at the school!" exclaims Pete Donaldson. "Can Bono help?" http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Fairgrounds, Circuses and Carnivals Last week we asked for your carney-stories: http://b3ta.com/questions/fairgrounds/ * BOING - "My sister and nephew came to visit me when I was a student in the fair city of Stirling. I took them on the obligatory visit to Stirling Castle, and we walked from the town centre to the top of the hill upon which the castle looms. My nephew was only five at the time and found this rather a trek. My sister and I kept encouraging him saying, "We'll soon be there!" and "You'll see the castle soon!" and "It's an amazing castle, you'll love it!" When we got to the top, there was the great courtyard and behind that, the restored splendour of the castle itself, with its elaborate facade, gargoyles and sinister-looking mythical creatures. My nephew burst into tears. "Oh, oh, what's wrong?" I asked, all concerned. Sobs, tears. "I THOUGHT IT WAS A BOUNCY CASTLE!" (chinaman) * BULLSEYE - "In Ireland we have our fair share of shabby, travelling fairgrounds. These were very much a highlight of our younger years. Back round the time when Kevin Costner was Robin Hood and it was the only video my nan had for us to watch, a fair arrived in our little village. My friend and I scoured the entire show, which took a whole half minute. Deciding we love life too much (and in the next village a kid would die on one of these rides) we settled on the games of chance. After too long at the pluck-a-duck stand, we headed over to the sucker arrow crossbows. No one ever won these. But I started singing the "Dundadundadundadundadundaaaadundaaaaa- duuunnnn" from Robin Hood and BAM. Bullseye. My friend and I stared. 20 Pounds! We called over the attendant and displayed my triumph. He glanced at it, grunted and hit the board causing the arrow to slide down and out of the winning zone. Now being much smaller, we were smart enough not to argue too much. But that, Mr Dickhead, is how the same night your shitty little stall came to be covered in old paint." (dazbrilliantwhites) * TOSS - "Disneyland, Orlando. 1989. At a certain point in the day, if God had been watching, he would have found 15-year-old me hiding in the 'facilities' wanking furiously after watching a stage show featuring Snow White. I guess that's forgivable; I was 15. Disneyland, Paris, 2006. At a certain point in the day, if God had been watching he would have found 32-year-old me hiding in the facilities wanking furiously after having just watched the Tarzan show featuring a very athletic and barely dressed Jane. That's less forgivable, really." (scarpe) >> This Week's Question: Horrible things << What horrible things have you done to the one you love (or loved)? Tell us of the times true love has not been as true as it should: http://b3ta.com/questions/horriblethings/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Dr Who girls' knickers << Just another collection of Who Girls' underoos. The descriptions are wonderful. Obviously bollocks of course. http://www.drwhogirlsknickers.co.uk/ >> Danny Wallace: an email exchange << Author Danny Wallace crosses swords with an idly abusive 'fan'. http://goo.gl/j3Z5m >> Dear Photograph << Pics of old photos, held up in front of the changed, contemporary scene. Sweetly melancholic. http://dearphotograph.com/ >> Britain's Got Talent hoax - confession << Big story last week, 100,000+ views for the document, front page of tabloids etc - then the confession gets about 3k views. Ho hum. http://justpaste.it/cpn >> Bounty on Blair << Yep, there is a bona fide cash bounty being offered to anyone who attempts to arrest ex-PM Tony Blair for his part in the Iraq war. It's currently standing at £2k+. Conditions apply. http://bit.ly/7ljDOj ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but on a screen smeared with fingers >> Taiwan News takes on the LulzSec story << The CGI news brings its own special magic to covering the LulzSec hackers. Poor little 4chan... http://www.b3ta.com/links/Taiwan_taking_on_the_Lul... >> All the LulzSec passwords << Every porn password released by the Lulzsec hackers, end-to-end at very high speed. Check if yours is in there - but don't pause the video, else youTube will be able to read your gmail! http://youtu.be/0uXbosbLBBQ >> Dalai Lama joke failure << Australian news presenter inexplicably tries out a one-liner on the Dalai Lama. Even as he's saying it, you can see his moment of dawning realisation. http://bbc.in/kN4riw >> BBC Nazi technical hitch << BBC Scotland run into a couple of hiccups with Hitler and Rudolf Hess. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> eHarmony cat-lover << Debbie's a recent MBA fraduate, looking for love on a dating site. Also she loves cats. She really, really loves cats. Almost as entertaining is just reading the comments of the people who took it at face value... This link is everywhere this week. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Nyan Cat << Unstoppable, untoppable, hypnotic flying rainbow biscuit cat - classic. OMFG LOOK AT THE PROGRESS BAR! http://youtu.be/QH2-TGUlwu4 ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Best job title ever @ereuben writes, "This is a job title you want on a business card." http://bit.ly/kq8t5W ------------------------------------------------- : FOLLOW FRIDAY @KillingStation The inside scoop from the BBC's worst canteen - wonder how long it'll take the Daily Mail to write an article on @KillingStation with a bash BBC slant? http://twitter.com/#!/KillingStation ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Cybercops Challenge Last week we wanted you to picture Britain's E-Crimes Unit at work. Your favourites included: * AN IN-JOKE - about the timing of our compos (1.618...) http://b3ta.com/board/10444904 * CHAT - where criminals gather, the cops will always snoop (OneForTheRoad) http://b3ta.com/board/10445801 * ERROR - it's a blagging with shooters, but on your desktop (Afinkawan) http://b3ta.com/board/10445331 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/cybercops/ >> New challenge: b3tadvertising << Imagine that B3ta is an advertising agency. Then imagine that you work there, and show us the ads you'd make for existing or imaginary products and services. Challenge suggested by Holly Would. http://b3ta.com/challenge/b3tadvertising/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * RESPECT TO DARKLORD, long term B3ta /links regular has passed away and McMookMac writes, "I mentioned a 'Darklord Friday' below in the sad post by tootla. I can't think of a better send off than a whole links day dedicated to him! Like a lot of us I did not know him personally but always enjoyed his quality linkage and comments, he will definitely be missed here." http://www.b3ta.com/search/links * WIKI JP - peter.mcarthur writes, "Interestingly, the rules of the 'All Wikipedia links lead to Philosophy' vary by language. If you try playing by the English rules on Japanese Wikipedia, you just end up in a loop. English speakers tend to "front-load" their sentences -- they put the most important ideas first -- but the Japanese put the important ideas at the end, so to find Philosophy you have to click on the *last* word of the first sentence." * CROSS-SECTIONS - we asked for this last week and drdingy writes, "bin dun in previous newsletter 438." Oops. (Our error is that, much like the Paul is Dead stuff of 1968, this newsletter has been written by impostors since 2005) http://insideinsides.blogspot.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME HTML5 wonder thing Flash was the rock that early B3ta was built on. Now it's as about as fashionable as an H & Claire CD single. HTML5 is where it's at and, gosh, can't it do wooshy things? http://musiccanbefun.edankwan.com ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. * BBC TV CENTRE VIDEO GAME - loveaintgonnawait writes, "I've always thought the BBC's Television Centre would make a great map for a multiplayer video game. It's iconic, and there are so many confusing corridors, secret passages and obscured balconies, it'd be fun to run around in. Now TV Centre's up for sale - and already half deserted - and it's very likely to be at least partially demolished, so if anybody with the technical know-how fancies making a Quake/Unreal/Halo level (or whatever the kids play these days), I'd be happy to show somebody the cool bits and let them take photos for textures and that. From B, a TV Centre employee." So if that's you, get in touch and we'll pass on the details. * RULE 34 - Crap Little Monkey writes, "I've had an idea how to explore how true internet rule 34 really is. A random word generator (1, 2 or 3 words) that adds "fetish" to the end and does a google search. See if you can find a porn site in the 1st page of results. If you can, rule 23 is validated." * @IAMGOINGTODIEINJULY - "I've got an idea for a popular twitter account", writes PeteKylie, "Sign up to Dignitas and live tweet your death. Any takers?" Send e-jizz via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Lovers: [email protected] Haters: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Al Qaeda, The FBI, Lulzsec, @piratechristoph, executiverocker, littleghoti, lingmops, GeorgeMonbiot, recklessrik, benwoodhams, codepo8, bengoldacre, Bootsthealchemist, Terry Oblong, davidnield, iamjamesward Top Tippery by sandettie light vessel automatic. Again. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Manic. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Fed up with soap welding itself to the soap dish? Imperial Leather soap has a small, raised plinth with a paper label, on which you stand the soap, thus creating a surface which will not adhere to the soap dish. That is its purpose, not for decoration. Which also explains why it never seems to come off until the soap has nearly all gone. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive