we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THIS NEWSLETTER SUBJECT LINE WAS OUR SECOND PREFERENCE" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * LEONARD NIMOY - on Laser Discs * NEWSPAPER - Trolling from fun * VIDEO - Rocket test footage ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're mostly eating ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Rockets, Waxworks, Royals >> Rocket test footage << "Hi dude!" booms Joel Veitch. "I done a rocket test thingy innit! Rocket... Man... doobedeeedoobeeedoobedooo!" Joel has been dabbling with some exciting and dangerous things lately and this handily covers all bases. http://goo.gl/pVD4M >> Madame Tussauds NIGHTS << "Hiya B3ta!" exclaims Pete Donaldson, for it is he. "I made a promo video for Madame Tussauds NIGHTS." An after-hours waxworks service for consenting adults. Wipe-clean fun. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> "I trolled our local paper" << "Got some thinly-veiled smut in our local rag with my home made royal wedding tee shirt," brags baldmonkey. "Sadly, the newspaper cutting cunningly hides the EXCELLENT and CLASSY display behind my bulky form. Interestingly, the quotes there from my wife are entirely made up. They also asked which bit of the wedding we found most exciting and we said when they left the church because that's when we thought the terrorist snipers would get them." http://goo.gl/mtVbm ------------------------------------------------- : Sponsored Coxy T-Shirts Does particle physics give you a hadron? Do you love Cox? Want Moore? Don’t know what we are talking about? Check out our latest t-shirts at ShotDead and get 10% off with the code B3TA. http://bit.ly/bQoyBS ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Winning Last week we wanted to know what you'd won, however sadly small. Scroll down to the story of the six-year-old who won a tumble drier: http://b3ta.com/questions/winning/ * "Back when we lived in a small house with no storage space - not even big enough to swing our cat. Oh, the irony. We won a competition. Imagine my joy to get a knock at the door one morning to take delivery of: * 300 x tins of Whiskas * 50 x cartons of kitten milk * 100 x Pouches of wet food * Some cat treats/toys ...and 52 x 5kg bags of cat litter. A QUARTER OF A TONNE of fucking cat litter. What the fuck did they think we owned? Lions with IBS?" (tinpixel) * "I was about 6, at the school sports day. I decided to enter the egg and spoon race. I can't tell this one that well, so you'll have to imagine Murray Walker doing it instead: "And it's go, go, go! They're barreling down towards the first corner... And Flap Burger takes the lead! Pedal to the metal, flat out! Nearly at the finish line now... And... WHAT IS HE DOING?" That's right, ladies and gents. I assumed the tape crossing the finish line was intended to mark out some kind of construction site, and ran right around it. What a fucking mong." (Flap Burger) * "My best mate works at Jewsons. Yesterday, May the 4th, he was asked by his yard manager to contact the sand people about a delivery. The sand people. On May the 4th. He got to tell him, "There's no-one there at the moment, but they'll soon be back, and in greater numbers." (Darth Foxtrot) >> This Week's Question: Police 2 << In a week when the UK police have been arresting people for dressing as zombies, it seems appropriate to collect more of your own dealings with these fine people. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/police2/ ------------------------------------------------- : Sponsored linky fag time Give up, without giving up. Finally a real alternative to traditional cigarettes. JACVapour e-cigarettes. As used by real smokers. Use exclusive code: B3TA1 at checkout to receive 20% off starter kits. http://tinyurl.com/3upsg9b ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Amusing stickers on the Central Line << How long before the Met arrest this lot - clearly dangerous subversives. http://bit.ly/kxt7Wn >> Stolen camera finder << A search tool that looks for photos taken by your camera (after it's been stolen of course) that have been uploaded to the web. Wonder if it can be abused? Say you get a photo taken by a celeb from their twitter account - maybe you can then work out what other photos they've taken and aren't admitting to? http://www.stolencamerafinder.com/intro.jsp >> Is Jesus tougher than Batman? << A facebook debate that's funnier than it sounds. http://goo.gl/K0cw7 >> Hide the Bible << If we were rich enough to visit hotels we'd know that they often have bibles lurking in the bedrooms. These guys like to hide them, probably because Christians are fat and need the exercise. http://hidethebible.tumblr.com/ >> BBC's royal wedding 'bridesmaid action' << "If you zoom down the official vehicle convoy to the last horse-drawn carriage..." sweats Paul "Yes, there's Kate's sis, with what looks to me like a footman with his white gloved hand on her boob... Or maybe I need to get out more." You decide - zoomable picture here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-13200114 ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH 1. The Dentist 2. R Kelly 3. Pirates ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV but on a less comfy chair >> Laser Discs, Spock and a talking rock << Possibly the best informercial we have seen for many years - a fabulous piece of promo crap where Nimoy introduces the world of Magnavision Laserdisc home entertainment with the help of a talking rock. Nimoy looks wrinkly but rapey, sporting tight, white slacks and a porn moustache, while a close up on his hands reveals neatly-manicured nails painted with clear varnish. http://youtu.be/s4pBk3-fduU >> Trippy << We were given a Newton's Cradle - one of those retro "executive toys" with swinging silver spheres on bits of wire - for Christmas last year. We enjoyed playing with it so much we broke it. Seeing this video makes us want another one. And a large bag of mushrooms. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Trippy:4 >> Best music video ever << Part Peter Jackson Braindead pastiche, part Nighty Night, part Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, part a-million-and-one other brilliant things, this has to be the most genius music video ever. It's totally joyful. http://goo.gl/c0Pjv >> Something to send to your dorky chums << A simple message for people who can't help banging on about things and spoiling other people's fun into the bargain. Watch and learn. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Its_ok >> Teasing Your Dog << Teasing your pet dog is a mean thing to do but this guy does it especially well and gives the dog a funny voice. Great canine ear-work too. http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_guy_is_an_expert >> Farm Fresh Girl << Crazy, mad girl art that repels and fascinates in equal measure. We enjoyed its demented intensity and liked the way the images critiqued the message of the song. Arty, mad-as-badgers feminists FTW. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Farm_Fresh_Girl ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Royal Wedding Challenge Last week we wanted you to celebrate Kate & Will's great big posh day. Your favourites included: * SHARE - whatever you say about the Royal Family, they keep it in the family (E Dubya) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10404577 * NEIGHBOURS - the happy couple, spookily recreated as celebrated Aussie pair (benito vaselini) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10404731 * GINGER - royal rumour subtly depicted (Chunkmiester) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10406124 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/royalwedding/ >> New challenge: Unexpected Bad Guys << With bin Laden out of the way, the media needs a new monster to keep us from sleeping. So pick someone unexpected to fill the shoes of terror maestro number one. Then show them at work. Challenge suggested by HappyToast http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/unexpected-evil/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * CHARITY FUNDRAISING ROBOT DON-8r - is now finished. "This video is a more refined version of the user testing recently featured in the newsletter," informs Timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. "All the interaction is unscripted and genuine. My final hand-in / presentation for Uni is tomorrow and this video is one of the deliverables so hoping this goes down well!" This cute little robot beggar will soon make the homeless redundant. http://goo.gl/Gdf5b * MORE BARCODE MOVIES STUFF - alby, "Saw the link to the movie barcode tumblr in this week's newsletter. A while ago I wrote some instructions on how to make your own." http://wordpress.mrreid.org/moviebarcode/ * A CURE FOR HAYFEVER THAT WORKS - pitarou writes, "That would be allergen immunotherapy you want. I learned about this when I taught English to Japanese medical researchers. Basically, your doctor injects you with ever-increasing doses of grass pollen extract and, after a few years, you're cured. It's common in Europe, but it never really caught on in the UK. There are some risks (like dying) but it works. P.S. Please don't tell the wife about this. She loves cats. I hate them. If she ever gets wind that there's a cure for my cat allergy...." http://bit.ly/7CXjWH ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Strategery We've bought one of those swanky iPad 2 things, because although we can't afford to eat, we're still addicted to the tech pouring out of China. Anyway, massive thumbs up to the iPad Garageband, with which we wrote 5 songs in one day sitting in our pants on the bed. Also horribly addicted to the Dice Wars / Risk game Strategery. Seeing little board pieces when we close our eyes addicted. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * LIKEWARS - ilovesecretagents writes, "Since most things on Facebook can be "liked", wouldn't it be interesting to find out how much more likeable something is compared to something else by using just the facebook likes? For example, did you know Alton Towers is 2x as likeable than Dizzee Rascal? Cheryl Cole is 5.2x more likeable than Jesus?" * BIGGEST NEWTON'S CRADLE EVER - set up with 16 massive cranes over the building site in Kings Cross. * WORLD'S SMALLEST ROLLER COASTER - built from Lego and with a hamster in it. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Joe Scaramanga, DaveExclamationMark, Dr Preference, Hellzapoppin, Hellzapoppin, bananaprince, Stashie and jakedamusss. Top Tippery by sandettie light vessel automatic. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via The Great Architect. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Using one of those syringes that are used to administer Calpol medicine to babies, it's possible to collect all of your semen at the point of ejaculation without any going astray. This has the added benefit of being able to measure how much came out. However, be careful not to stumble with it in your hand, as you may inadvertently give yourself a facial. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive