we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WEUNDERVALUEANYCAR.COM" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SONG - Twitter Synth Pop * VID - Hawking Rap Battle * TRAUMA - B3tan Nights Out ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're typing in ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than making poos >> Where the fuck is this? << "Ever see a nice location on flickr or whereever, wanted to go there, but don't know where it is?" asks Peter. "Us too." Now you can submit photos and crowdsource your way to a new holiday destination. http://www.wherethefuckisthis.com >> Twitter synthpop << Because "what the world needs now is synthpop about Twitter," explains Ricardo Autobahn. Should be popular on Twitter. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Jack draws anything << "This is my kid," proudly boasts Jack's dad. "He is 6 and is raising money for the hospital that saved his brother's life by drawing *anything*. Please don't take the piss, he is doing really well and has raised 7K so far!" http://jackdrawsanything.com/ >> Cassetteboy vs. The Hairy Bikers << "The usual smut," promises hirsute cut-up genius Cassetteboy. Kind of NSFW, as the Brummie cooks take on Britain's mums. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cassetteboy_vs_The_Hairy... ------------------------------------------------- : I SPOT IMPROMPTU GAMES Your newsletter team has produced another of their 'I Spots' for E4. This mostly concerns the stupid games we play to pass the time whilst walking the streets. Like going from A to Z in popstars. http://www.e4.com/wtf/ispot-games/index.html ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Nights Out Gone Wrong Out the door with best of intentions go our lovely, innocent B3tans. Till they get a drink down them, that is. Then, all sorts of wrong goes on: http://b3ta.com/questions/nightsoutgonewrong/ * FOX BITES DRUNKEN TWAT - "I'll never live down my first night out at Uni. I was a fresh-faced country boy, enthralled to the pleasures of the big city (well OK, Nottingham), and wasn't yet fully versed in the dark arts of getting completely twatted. I'd already spectacularly vomited through my nose after snorting Aftershock, when... there was a fox. Being from the country I'd never actually seen one up close: city foxes are different to country ones - they have no absolutely no fear. "Look, ish a Fox!!" I cried, loping off towards it clutching a pint of Guinness. I got within about 5m of it, wavering slightly. It stared at me. I stared at it. It seemed to beckon me closer with its eyes. Its big, friendly, I-just-want-to-be-stroked fox eyes. "It wants to be my friend!", I thought, "But how do I demonstrate that my intentions are benign?" The answer was obvious. I needed to feed it Guinness. I bent down slightly and extended my pint. The fox approached closer, I closer still. It sniffed the Guinness, tilted its little foxy-face quizzically and tasted the Guinness! Success! Inter-species understanding had been achieved! It then savaged my hand and I had to go to A&E for a bandage, a tetanus jab, and to be laughed at by the hospital staff." (gibbletwunt) * ROOKY PULLING ERROR - "Turning to the man behind me, I slurred, "I think I've pulled here." I most definitely hadn't. And informing her boyfriend of my intentions ensured the only thing I took home was a black eye." (nightbuffalo) * PUBLIC HUMILIATION - "I got so pissed I fell asleep on the toilet. I woke after god knows how long with numb legs and dribble down my shirt. Slipped out of my shoes to creep into the bedroom so as not to disturb The Lovely Mrs Ring Of Fire... and found myself standing in the public bar of my local with a shoe in each hand." (Ring Of Fire) >> This week's question: Irrational hatred << People who say "less" when they mean "fewer" ought to be turned into soup, the soup fed to baboons and the baboons fired into an active volcano. What has you grinding your teeth with rage, and why? Fume here: http://b3ta.com/questions/irrationalhatred/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates * WILL THE LAST PERSON LEFT IN EUROPE PLEASE TURN OUT THE LIGHTS? - As the banks and globalisation have turned our world to shit, the young of Ireland are upping sticks to look for fortune elsewhere. A photographic record of those on the move: http://bit.ly/hKzouX * BOO HOO A BAD REVIEW - Everywhere this week was the story about author Jacqueline Howett complaining about getting a bad review. The perverse thing is, she'll probably now sell a crapload of shitty books. http://goo.gl/xYWFO * HOW TO HIDE A PLANE - Before Lockheed Martin were mostly concerned with knowing which supermarkets we visit or selling arms to the highest bidder, they actually did some pretty nifty shizzle: http://stories-etc.com/hidden.htm * AMAZON SPRINKLER FUN 1. Click linky 2. Click "see all customer images" 3. Lol http://goo.gl/e6k8E * 4-PANEL PEANUTS CARTOONS - if you remove the final punchline panel they become rather bleak little snapshots of misery. Wonder what effect this would have on other comics? http://3eanuts.tumblr.com/ * CANNON & BALL ALBUM - This oddity was made in the 80s when center-of-the-road comics Cannon & Ball were still popular. Click on a song to hear it, complete with lyrics; it's proper car crash stuff. The cover of Oliver's Army is something really special though & we're sure Elvis Costello wished he'd done a stand-up routine at the end. http://goo.gl/q26Da ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like RudeTube with jokes (and no Alex Zane) >> Slippery Bieber - not << Justin Bieber (favourite of teenage bean-flickers from Scunthorpe to Vladivostock) plus Slipknot (a gaggle of lumpen 30-something men in masks) equals this: http://www.youtube.com/watch >> James Goldsmith was psychic<< His eyes are scary but when it comes to predicting the outcome of globalization, James Goldsmith knew the score. This was back in 1994, when most of us were just wittering on about Blur versus Oasis: http://www.youtube.com/watch >> iPad 2 for pervs << If you ever see someone with an iPad 2 covered in clingfilm, it means they are a perv who wants to see if ladies (or even chaps) are wearing any knickers. This explains how: http://t.co/CUlZO6c >> Einstein vs Hawking << Hawking has been a b3ta favourite since the dawn of time and tributes to the world's most famous dalek-voiced wheelchair user don't come much better than this. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Einstein_vs_Hawking >> Retro game deaths << Our inner Goth delighted at this surprisingly poignant collection of deaths in 80's and 90's games and there's also a nice computer game version of 'Mad World' by those Arthur Janov inspired synth popsters Tears for Fears. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Game_Deaths >> Foamy Japanese LOLS << In the tradition of Takeshi's Castle or Japanese Endurance, a group of Japanese people play Russian roulette using a Nerf gun with a pin attached to the end. Silly but surprisingly tense. http://goo.gl/JgSpc >> Weebl's Amazing Horse song plus an Amazing Horse << Here some people singing an acoustic version of Weebl's horse song - in front of an actual horse. Peculiar but in a good way. http://goo.gl/XueXT ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Still here, still shit Cal488 writes, "Here's one of Holland's foremost experts on reproductive issues." http://home.medewerker.uva.nl/a.p.hardon/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Cheese Challenge Last week we wanted you to fiddle around with photoshop in hope of raising a cheap laugh concerning cheese. Your favourites included: * GANGSTER - classic film still re-worked via the medium of mouse and cheese (E Dubya) http://b3ta.com/board/10371959 * COCK - how Swiss cheese is created, in delightfully-pencilled cartoon form (Drimble) http://b3ta.com/board/10376229 * POEM - thrilling yet disturbing curds and whey-based poetry. Think Poe, but with cheese (The magic of chutney) http://b3ta.com/board/10373600 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://b3ta.com/challenge/cheese/ >> New challenge: Old Time Adverts << This week's challenge is to design old- time adverts from the days before we knew better - cigarettes that keep you healthy, soap that makes housewives love their husbands more and super-fast cookers using the wonders of radium. Challenge suggested by Mystery_Bob. http://b3ta.com/challenge/oldadverts/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * THE ROYAL MUG WAS REAL - IdiotSvengali writes, "Thankyou Guandong Enterprises, it's beautiful." http://plixi.com/p/88123967 * PROPS FOR NEWSLETTER CO-WRITER DAVE - jellytip writes, "Hi b3ta, I was really struck by the quality of cartoon / caricature in this -. Is there any chance the artist (David Stevenson?) could make a tutorial (no kittehs or goatses needed) on how to do this? Seriously, it's awesome work and I'd be stoked to see how this is achieved. If he can't be arsed (it's not like I'm offering money or anything, but would happily stump up a tenner to his favourite charity) - a link to a good tutorial of this kind would be equally appreciated. Thanks, love your work! G :)" http://www.e4.com/wtf/internet-hoax/index.html * B3TAN'S WORK ENDS UP IN DAILY MAIL (AGAIN) - if we didn't hate the DM so much we'd just skip publishing the newsletter, send all your work directly to them and collect the cheque. http://goo.gl/UXOQT ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Space is Key - one-button flash game Loving this game where you just press Space to play. Great music too. http://armorgames.com/play/10912/space-is-key ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * TROLLBUSTERS - We need a list of journalists who troll for a living and a browser plugin that hides their posts. What bliss that would be. Or at least flashes "WARNING! TROLLAGE!" in big back letters. Jan Moir and Toby Young, we know where you live. * LOL O CLOCK TWITTER ACCOUNT - and at 7:07 everyday it sends you the most lolsome link of the b3ta /links board that day. * TROUBLEMAKERS ANONYMOUS - jim asks, "We've just been stuffed on a payment from a bloke who asked us to promote the sale of his €1m villa in Tuscany. I'd like some clever b3tard to create a site that outs these eejits/their companies without incurring the wrath of libel laws." Send anal warts via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by whitedot, @erinclaire, tacpprm, Funt, nowaydude, Pedantichrist, davebirss, stubbledchin, Hellzapoppin DaveExclamationMark and WiL. Top Tippery by sandettie light vessel automatic. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Newsletter subjlols via yanmania. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Blokes! Keep your partner happy by sprinkling drinking chocolate down your hogs-eye for that extra special romantic cocoa-spunk treat. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive