we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "B3TA TALKS TO BRIAN BLESSED" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * BRIAN BLESSED - WE TALK TO HIM! * SHOUTING - OUR EARS ARE BLEEDING * DID WE MENTION - BRIAN BLESSED? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're talking to ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Stuff, things and nonsense >> Homer Vader << Quick and dirty Star Wars redub by Bela Lugosi's Dad, with Homer Simpson as the black-clad Imperial badass. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Homer_Simpson_is_Darth_V... >> Flash Theatre << "You know what people of London don't seem to like?" queries joehmbunn. "Strange, hairy men coming up to them with large, grubby macs and exposing something. So, bored one day, we thought we could fix this." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Flash_Theatre >> Febreze Redubbed. << Haha, this is so awful! Joehmbunn's revoicing of the Febreze ad is rude and creepy and it really made us laugh. A work of art! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Febreze_Redubbed ------------------------------------------------- BRIAN BLESSED INTERVIEW - Rich writes, "Just wanted to say thanks for the big-ups on the Blessed Sat Nav Campaign, you might have noticed is all done and dusted. Just wondering if there’s anything Blessed-related you might like? I can certainly get a bit of audio/video for B3ta?" Yep. Let's do this. A B3ta interview with the Blessed - and here it is: 22 minutes of your fearless leader Rob chatting to Brian on the phone, and we've learned the following: * BRIAN WANTS A FACEBOOK CAMPAIGN TO SEND HIM TO THE MOON - can you help him? "We are the children of stardust, we need to get out there" * BRIAN CAN TALK FOR ENGLAND - and is very keen on Kenneth Branagh, THE MOON and mountains. * BRIAN HAS TO SAY GORDON'S ALIVE 50 TIMES A DAY - and he's not bored of it. http://www.b3ta.com/links/B3ta_Interviews_Brian_Bl... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Beautiful Moments (Pt 2) Last week we asked for more of your beautiful moments - lovely things you've seen out and about. Go read Lardyboy's tale of a 24-year courtship and have a little cry: http://b3ta.com/questions/beautifulmoments2/ Here's three shorties: * "Eight years ago I got in line for a cashier at the local Sainsbury's. In front of me was a small blond-haired boy, filled with the joys of a carefree life, a lifetime of discovery and adventure ahead of him. On the slidey rubber mat was his only selection: two fun-sized packets of Haribo Starmix; in his hand was his precious pocket money. He turned to look at me, a jaded, tall, blond student with a fraction of his student loan in his pocket. On the rubber slidey mat was my only selection: two massive packets of Haribo Starmix." (grey matter) * "My six year-old little sister is sitting on my knee in the car. I can hear her humming and then do some sort of amateur beatbox drum sound, and then whisper 'miaow, miaow' to herself. I also noticed she was moving her hands in an odd fashion. It took a moment to click, but she was being keyboard cat." (Amberl) * "In Basingstoke, we once saw a large and perfectly vertical dog turd in the middle of the pedestrianised area. Not even the slightest lean; it was like a brown, fissured Saturn V rocket waiting for blast-off." (rogerzilla) >> This Week's Question << Ever had a little white lie build out of control into a monster with a life all of its own? C'mon, we've all done it: http://b3ta.com/questions/pantsonfire/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Monotone music << Elderly curmudgeons complain that using computers has removed the tunes from popular music. Here's a genuine attempt to do just that, with mixed results. http://snurl.com/doopdoopdoop >> People with iPhones have more sex << Deep data analysis from some nerdy types who run an online dating agency. They showed profile pictures for people to rate for attractiveness, then looked at which cameras were used to take them. Turns out only uggos use a Motorola cameraphone. http://bit.ly/bUoNd8 >> Young me, now me. << Zefrank's ongoing photo project, where people re-enact pictures taken when they were children. http://www.zefrank.com/youngmenowme/ >> Illustrating a plane journey << Bored artist documents his 12-hour plane trip with charming drawings and cabin fever. http://snurl.com/planeyplane >> Your beautiful eyes close-up << Some nice macro-photography, although some of it almost has an opti-goatse quality to it. http://snurl.com/eyesarepoo >> 4chan captcha art << The MS Paint crowd tackle the nonsensical phrases you have to type these days to show you're not a T-800 or something. http://captchart.tumblr.com/ >> Vintage Tokyo subway posters << Delightfully inventive informational posters show you how to behave on Japanese public transport. Not crossing your legs or forgetting your brolly rather than, uh, firing lasers from your eyes and raping passers-by with your pseudopods. http://snurl.com/subwaysyeahwoo >> Pencil-tip sculptures << Absolutely exquisite works of art carved from the tip of a pencil. Don't try this at home kids, as it will make you blind and constipated. http://snurl.com/penciltips >> "Misused" quotation marks << Always a classic, check out the unintended disturbing double-meanings of signs made by the "ignorant". http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Radio with "pictures" >> Be-hatted keyboard mastery << Cheerful chappy goofs around on the keyboard, with surprisingly impressive results. If you're not familiar electronic composer Ronald Jenkees, here's a good place to start. http://www.b3ta.com/links/After_I_spat_my_tea_out >> It's okay to be a loner << No, it really is. Watch this touching, thoughtful vid about being alone and feel reassured. In your lonely single room. http://snurl.com/lonerslonely >> The Justin Bieber Show << Loveable pop moppet Bieber hits your screen again, in this cartoon sitcom. Featuring Justin's amazing friends. http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Justin_Bieber_Show >> Kitty, come and meet the new puppy! << If cats could speak, this would cover every conversation you'd have with one. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Kitty_come_and_meet_the_... >> Dinner-time Dad tricks << Sneaky French father amusingly pranks his unsuspecting daughter. http://snurl.com/frenchyfun >> You're Not From Newport << Newport-based rappers Goldie Lookin Chain horn in on the youTube clickiness enjoyed by that Newport State of Mind tune. Probably requires very specific local knowledge to get the fullest enjoyment. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Youre_Not_From_Newport >> Cat-eating watermelon << Sorry, misplaced hyphen. This cat likes to eat slices of melon. Good times. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Rectanus! Noelbailey writes in with a linky to a facebook account of someone with the surname Rectanus - amusing enough but we felt pointing you lot to it might be a bit like cyberbullying so we've been googling away for people with the same surname and found a book about protecting workers' rights by Lori Rectanus. (Lorry wrecked anus? That's what they all say.) http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/075670902... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Pope Challenge Last week we wanted you to celebrate the arrival of the Pope on our shores by designing appropriate merchandise Your favourites included: * BUSTING - Everybody sing... I ain't 'fraid of no popes (Sub Rosa's Hubby) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10149830 * DISASTER - b3ta meme revived to triumphant Papal approval (Peter Davison) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10145293 * BREAKFAST - Kellogs launch saucy cereal to celebrate visit (Clueless Egg Cunt) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10145613 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pope/ >> New challenge: Dragon's Den << Dragons Den is back on our boxes - only last week some crank got 100K for attaching a pencil sharpener to a golf pitch fork. This challenge is to 'shop other shit inventions with which to impress the Dragons.' http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/dragonsden/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * LITTLE GIRL VS CYRIAK, our animating genius chum writes, "Little girl watching one of my videos, kind of cute, although it does look like her brain is downloading a virus half way through." http://www.b3ta.com/links/little_girl_watching_one... * BROKEN SNAIL ART LINKS - Hampster Squared writes, "Seeing as it was newslettered, this is indeed the glassiest of surprised German forklifts. However, due to the attention my site got, it had a nervous breakdown as it couldn't cope with the volume of traffic. My artwork, the painted snails and other slight madnesses were very hard to get to. I'm pretty sure this is fixed now - but if any of you feel so inclined, would you have a quick stare at it and let me know if the images are loading properly/taking less than three years to appear?" Fixed now - have another look. http://www.tilla.co.uk/ * INTERVIEW WITH DENISE WILTON - oooh, you lucky people, stick his on your iPod, lie back and think of B3ta. http://shiftrunstop.co.uk/2010/08/10/denise-wilton... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * PAYPALROULETTE.COM - Each page load randomly either credits or debits your paypal account. ("Credit goes to @codebeard who was grumping this lunchtime about how much a friend was making at sportingbet.com just serving flashing .gifs and random colours", writes Mike Trinder.) * SINISTER HAND SHANDY - Is anyone here ambiwanktrous? Can you crack one out to completion with either hand? * RUBBER BAND TRAMPOLINE - Can you make a trampoline for your pet hamster by stretching a couple of hundred rubber bands over a biscuit tin? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by prince-igor, Herb Alpert's Taxi driver, Sn0tters, jambox, pissflaps, sinisterduck, BourbonBiscuits2, Hellzapoppin, Paster of Muppets, Proboscisface, Cliff Richard's porn stash, via K-Lyd. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Order chips without salt to get the fresh batch. (sverreco) next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive