we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL! next issue » « previous issue "SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!" This Week: * TROUSERS - No hands pants dance * HORROR - Chinchap I Love You * TONGUES - Cute animals stick them out ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're cooking up ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than poo and wee >> No hands pants dance << kingafkong demonstrates his amazing Norwegian technique of pulling up trousers! Nice intro. http://www.b3ta.com/links/No_hands_pants_dance >> Mitchell & Webb animation << Big respect to Scrambled Edd, who has landed a gig animating stuff for BBC comic duo Mitchell & Webb. "Check it out and stuff," he proudly beams. http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clips/p0087j80 >> Guess the band from phone footage << "People filming with their phones aloft and watching the gig through the lens is now a universal sight at gigs," explains Monkeon. But can you even guess which act you're watching from this incredibly poor-quality footage? http://www.monkeon.co.uk/camerashake/ >> I Love You Chinchap! << "This is a beautiful love song!" claims Joel Veitch. "Fallopia loves Chinchap! Chinchap loves Fallopia! What a wonderful world this truly is!" Frightening, repellant and, thus, we loved it. http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Love_You_Chinchap >> Sexual Congress << "Which US politician is most attractive?" asks Tom Scott. Find out, with this political 'Hot or Not'. http://tomscott.com/congress/ >> Twitter ransom note generator << Quick recipe for Twitter success - make your icon a letter of the alphabet and it'll be used for a web-based toy like this one from Mr. Chickenuts. Lie back and watch people flock to follow your updates about mediocre London comedy nights. http://abbandunne.com/ransom/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Caught! There's some hard lessons to be learnt when you get caught doing something you shouldn't. Luckily none of you learnt them, meaning there's loads of stories this week. Go read nimrodihnio's lovely attempt at winding up a cold call from Scottish Energy that got taken far too seriously: http://b3ta.com/questions/caught/ * SUCKER FISH - "The lovely Jessie was always pretending to spot something behind me and using the distraction to steal my food/sweets/beer. It was a standing joke between us, mainly because I always fell for it. One Sunday we were in a Chinese restaurant, and she suddenly exclaimed, "Ah, that's why those fish look weird, they're sucker fish!" I craned my neck and looked at the fish tank. Unable to see any sucker fish and also hurting my neck from the angle, I swivelled round on my seat. "I can't see any su..." my words died off as I turned back round just in time to see Jess giggling like a loon and dropping the scalding hot Szechuan king prawn she'd just stolen, not realising that it was going to burn her mouth. We laughed lots at that... I realise it's lost something in the retelling. Fuck I miss her..." (Professor Kenny Martin) * STILL BELIEVE - "I used to work in a lab. I was on my own with the radio on. Most experiments I did required long incubation periods, so was sort of twiddling my thumbs during a 10 min incubation when "Hit me baby one more time" by Britney came on the radio. I was singing along when a genius thought came to me. I quickly filled a rubber glove with some helium so I could make the high notes in the "still believe" backing vocal. Then one of the professors of the department came in to ask me something. My voice was still squeaky-squeaky when I answered him." (sittingduck) * PROTOCOL DROID - "Working as a labourer in my teens I was given the task of making spotless the top floor, the first finished, of a posh office development in The City for inspection by the top brass of the developers and owners. I did all the heavy lifting, then got to hoovering. The hoover was a sort of industrial Henry vacuum cleaner and the floor-space massive. My task nearly complete in plenty of time, I started arsing about, walking like C3PO and dragging my R2-like hoover after me while going, "Master Luke! Master Luke! BRRR BRRT PHWEEE trrrr BWEEE OOOON THRIP!"... Turned round to see all the big nobs staring at me in disbelief." (twattybanjo) >> This Week's Question << Managers get paid more than you to watch you do all the work. A small number of them make life better. The rest? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/badmanagement/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> BP damages vs Limewire damages << Moderately interesting point that BP is getting charged $69m for the cleanup of its oil spill. Meanwhile, filesharing service Limewire is getting sued for $1bn. Because intellectual property is worth more than the planet, right? http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/06/limewire-... >> The Seventeen Project << A teenager engagingly and articulately blogs her attempt to live life according to the advice printed in Seventeen Magazine. http://www.theseventeenmagazineproject.com/ >> Liblr << Liblr takes the Twitter stream and replaces one word with another, in the name of fun. http://liblr.com/welcome >> Facebook angry idiots << The 'England flag banned' story has utterly enraged the country's sizeable jingoistic moron population, while simultaneously giving trolls and anti-trolls a field day. See it in action here. http://www.facebook.com/group.php >> The Coalition Mug << Commemorate 11th May 2010, when the world watched young David Cameron and Nick Clegg plight their troth as the UK coalition government. You smirk now, but this'll be worth a packet when you're dead. http://www.coalitionmug.com/ >> Your Mom is at the club << What is the opposite of a MILF? We don't know, but here's stacks of pictures. http://yourmomisclubbin.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Animals with their tongues sticking out Fluffy creatures, looking endearingly confused. What's not to like? Well, the dinosaur isn't strictly cute but otherwise yay! http://animalswithtongues.tumblr.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like a book but it wobbles and hurts your eyes >> Jumping dog << Cheer yourself up by watching a playful puppy capering in a field, to the Roobarb & Custard theme tune. http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_made_me_smile >> Google Pacman Support Call << Confused old lady runs Google's tech support a merry dance. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Dr Watson is creepy << Odd design flaw in a Sherlock Holmes game. With no walking animation or sound, your sidekick silently but relentlessly stalks you. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stalked_by_Dr_Watson >> Sex and the City 2 AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! << Comedian Billy Eichner interviews New Yorkers on what they think of this summer's movies. New Yorkers are cool. http://www.b3ta.com/links/SEX_AND_THE_CITY_2_AAARR... ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Tastier than it sounds Being as how it's a Heston Blumenthal recipe, perhaps not too many eyebrows were raised at this unfortunately-truncated URL, courtesy of the BBC: http://picchore.com/funny/carrots-glazed-with-what... ------------------------------------------------- : APPEAL FOR MICK KARN Japan Bassist is ill and needs your help Not sure how many of our readers remember the band Japan - they've slipped between the sofa cushions of history a little, but in the mid 80s when your Ginger Fuhrer was a very young boy he borrowed a cassette from his elder brother, on one side was the compilation album Assemblage and on the other Tin Drum. He played this C90 on his purple Matsui Walkman (£9 from Dixons!) until the batteries ran out, and then played it again and again for years. Such are the vagaries of Pop Music, what was once in Smash Hits every week and on Top of the Pops doesn't necessarily mean you are financially set up for life, and poor old band member Mick Karn is now extremely ill and needs cash to support his wife and child. We've thrown in a few quid - it would be lovely if some of our readers could do the same. Go on, help an old pop star. http://www.mickkarn.net/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Doctors' Challenge Last week we wanted you to design educational posters for doctors' surgeries. Your favourites included: * HEADACHE - ooh, I think my brain has burst (Seaman Gabber) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10077227 * STROKE - or perhaps it's something else altogether (LP) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10076215 * CHOICE - Andrew Wakefield or Ben Goldacre: you decide (drbroon) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10075327 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/doctors/ >> New challenge: The World Cup << As the entire nation goes World Cup loopy, we're no different at b3ta. So before England's inevitable early exit on penalties, photoshop the World Cup. It'll be over before you know it, honest. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/worldcup/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * YAY FOR TERRY! Remember Terry Mynott? We featured his youTube video a while back, loads of impressions in a few minutes, oh you remember. Anyway, he's just got a Channel 4 comedy series commissioned. He writes, "Yeah b3ta is my favourite website. I'll check my emails then straight to b3ta every morning. It's not only the content, it's the comments. What I'm saying is there's lots of wanky sites that try and feature funny stuff but their problem is they are run by corporate twats. The thing I love about b3ta is it's all down to the people, the public, the true nature of the Internet. Sorry it sounds wank - is there any way you can make it sound less up my own arse? On a personal note I'd like to thank you for all your help. I got my first voice agent last year, because the girl who works there's husband is a fan of b3ta and showed her the newsletter. Thankyou B3ta!" Thanks to you, Terry - we're really pleased for you here! ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Wikipedia game, anyone? mcalidnb writes - "It's like that thing that was mentioned in the newsletter ages ago, where you pressed random article and raced your mate to find a page related to pornography. Except this gives you the starting page, and the target page isn't necessarily about pornography. Anyway, it's good, play it." http://wikipediagame.org/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * SMARTWATER BISCUIT THIEF TECHNOLOGY - rig up your tin to turn the the guilty snack stealers face blue with inky shame. * AN iPHONE APP TO READ THE QUESTION OF THE WEEK OFFLINE - we think this section of the site would work particularly well as an iPhone app but have fuck all resources to do it. * SCHOOL HOOCH - Kids! Make booze by shoving school dinners in plastic bags behind radiators and hoping it'll turn into alcohol. Google 'pruno'. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by iainhasaface, QuackCandle, Cap'n, nivoserg_j_p, horace wimp, Le Branleur Formidable, Lu Ratwoman, Dave! Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sickilols via Aboylin. Subj via emvee. ------------------------------------------------- Fox News: We got two of 'em. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive