we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "YOU DIDN'T VOTE FOR THIS NEWSLETTER BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VID - Flip flops * COSTUME - Death Star * ANIMALS - Riot Dog ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "B3ta is planning a ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Flip Flops, Death Star, PM Letter & Sea Slugs >> Flip Flops << "I'm surprised how long it's taken me to make a film about the old comedy staple of slipping on a banana skin," bleats Sheep! This is a lovely bit of footwear-based whimsy. If flip-flops had an ad budget he'd be getting paid right now. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Flip_Flops >> Creation of the Death Star << "This is what I envisage Darth Vader had in mind when he created the Death Star a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away," says pdjpdj, who is a funny, silly man. "I can only just fit out the front door with it on. It would look rather cool as I cycled to work, but I don't like the idea of x-fighters attacking my exhaust port!" http://www.pdjpdj.go-plus.net/thatsnomoon/thatsno.... >> So, a new Prime Minister eh? << "I've written David Cameron a welcome letter," remarks Dan Bull. "Thanks to numerous YouTubers and B3tans for the footage." Politics is just-about holding our interest for now. We were disappointed Cameron & Clegg didn't use that joint press conference to tear away their unconvincing human masks and fire heat rays into the screaming crowd. http://www.b3ta.com/links/So_a_new_Prime_Minister_... >> Sea Slug Science Time << Joel & crew combine Look Around You-style retro-science with their usual heavy metal stylings. Worth it for the Veitchster's leather-clad rock moves. http://b3ta.com/links/Science_Time_Sea_Slugs ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Breasts Last week we asked about tits. We were pleasantly surprised to find only half the answers were, "I love tits, me." The rest are really rather good: http://b3ta.com/questions/breasts/ * ATTENTION - "Sgt Major Wobbly-Gob came to give Camouflage And Concealment training to a group of new recruits. They'd buddied up, applied the camouflage cream and done their best to break up shape and outline before heading out on their first exercise in woodland and meadow. Sgt Maj Wobbly-Gob was teaching them how to reduce noise: anything excessive in your pockets was to be removed. Wobbly went the line and got them to jump to check for noise. Then he gets to a recruit with a very lumpy combat jacket indeed. In fact something was sticking the breast pockets way out in front of the rest of the recruit. Wobbly was incensed! "What the fuck are those?" he shouts as he outstretches both palms and gives the pockets a firm squeeze. The recruit, in her best I'm-a-girl-trying-to-sound-like-a-soldier voice shouted back, "Tits, Sir!". Wobbly went redder than a red thing and soon had something more urgent to attend to." (Piper Alpha) * DETERMINATION - "I breast-fed a cat. Not on purpose, though. It was in the early days of my first baby being born and things were a bit leaky around the boob area. One of our cats had selfishly had kittens a couple of weeks beforehand and they were just beginning to stumble about and get in the bloody way. One morning I was awoken to a sharp pain on the boob - one of the kittens had managed to crawl up onto the bed, over the baby and latched on to my left tit with its nasty sharp teeth. To get it off I had to prise open its jaw with a pencil." (Lu) * INFLAMMATION - "I dated a girl with eczema... Nice breasts, cracking nipples." (bekowsquap) >> This Week's Question: Expensive weekends << What's the most expensive weekend you've been on? Was it deliberate, criminal or were you just plain desperate to get somewhere at any cost? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/expensiveweekends/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Home-made Death Ray << Rob from Cockeyed is best known for his "how much is in that?" experiments, where he does stuff like see how long a video tape is. We hadn't previously caught this one from 2007 where he sticks lots of mirrors to a satellite dish to create a death ray. Impressive stuff that kept us reading over 15 pages. http://www.cockeyed.com/incredible/solardish/dish0... >> Hybrid photo/drawings << Bored this weekend? Then take a photo, draw a bit of it by hand and then take another photo holding the drawing over real life. Sounds complex? It won't be once you look at the pics. http://snurl.com/hybridart >> It's like dropping acid, but not << If you've never taken LSD then you are very sensible, but one of the effects is visual distortion where solid objects get a bit wobbly. It's as if everything in the universe was made of a soft, undulating plasticine. In fact, it looks a lot like this: http://www.neave.com/strobe/ >> Riot Dog << Some dog that keeps turning up on riots - is it specially selected photos? A dog owned by some crusty who goes to everything? Or just a dog that likes a good scrap? You decide. http://snurl.com/thisdogisaterrorist >> David Cameron side profile << Google images, first result. *checks* Nope, third result now. Fuck it, who cares - this link is everywhere now. http://snurl.com/publicschoolgames ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like cartoons but with real people >> Crap yo-yo man << A crap yo-yo bloke has been appearing on American TV - he tells the producers he's a world champion but when he turns up he's utterly useless. The joy is in the embarrassment of the host. Is this marketing for a yo-yo? A new comedian who's worked out a unique way to promote himself? Or is Andy Kaufman truly not dead? http://snurl.com/yoyoyoyoyoyo >> Kittens in autotune << Does what it says on the tin. BTW: Somebody should go round a zoo and autotune the different animals. We'd like to hear an autotuned elephant. Actually it could be like those "Does it blend?" ads -"Elephants. But do they autotune?" http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Beatbox Dog Reloaded << Of course - what the beatbox needed was to be synced with the trolalala bloke. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beatbox_Dog_Reloaded >> How to use a urinal << We can't understand why so many people have a problem with this video - this is exactly what we do every time. http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_use_a_urinal_the_... >> Best Wedding DJ Evar << Who hasn't wanted to slap a fat old woman's tits in time to Phil Collins's famous drum fill from In The Air Tonight. If this was Cadbury's new advertising campaign we'd take up chocolate again. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Pretty Iceland volcano time-lapse vid << Apparently there's been a volcano in Iceland - we wouldn't know as we've been too busy giggling about Clegg and Cameron writing their own civil partnership vows. Anyway stick this full screen and go wowoowowo. http://vimeo.com/11673745 ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER If funny means 'shit' then call this place home * GAY POWER! - Holly Would writes, "I know the funny name corner of the newsletter is not your most prized but I saw this and it made me smile, especially as she described herself as a Conservative voter." http://www.b3tards.com/u/9387e280261e8f505271/gayp... * SPLENDID ALFONSINO - ben_dadds writes, "There's something about the name Splendid Alfonsino that sounds like something you'd expect to find on 'specialist' websites. However, turns out its just a fish." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splendid_alfonsino ------------------------------------------------- : SAVE BBC 6 MUSIC It still needs saving apparently Seb Brennan writes - "This is your fellow Kentish Townian, Seb. You kindly featured my band's video of a giant hamster running amok many years ago, and you and Lucy graciously invited me round for tea, which was lovely. "I'm currently on the organising committee for the Save BBC 6Music group, and I wondered if you could put a plug in the newsletter for the demo we've got coming up outside Broadcasting House on the Saturday 22nd May? "If you'd like a linkyLOL to substantiate this blatant plug, have a look at the lovely Lego video that's been made to accompany Adam Buxton's rather brilliant reworking of Bowie's 'Changes' in support of the 6 cause." http://love6music.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Ross Kemp Challenge Last week we wanted you to photoshop celebrated baldy Ross Kemp. Your favourites included: * HOMO - Ross gets dirty with his ground-breaking new series (Pandemonium in my underpants) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10034985 * HEAD - like Being John Malkovich, but with more cockneys (mr.dogshit) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10037729 * HAGUE - in which moon-faced posho David Cameron strides the corridors of power with his goons (2 Can Chunder) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10035145 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/rosskemp/ >> New challenge: Fake Science << Fake science can be fun. So fire up Photoshop and provide some more to educate the masses, using the power of your imagination to show us how stuff doesn't really work http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fakescience/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * JOEL AND MICROSOFT - last week we mentioned an ad in The Metro that features Joel's rock kittens. Fresh back from ROFLCon, he replies, "Sorry, a bit late answering this, but the answer is yes I OK'd that. Will be very interested to see if I flog any extra t-shirts on the back of it." * YOUR CRAP OLD WEBSITE - just a quick mention that Monkeon is taking his reviews of old websites rather seriously and updating them regularly. Latest entry is an enjoyable contrast between comedian Peter Kay's site back in the day: run by a nerdy friend of his, more interested in technology than comedy; and now - a juggernaut of on-brand promotion. http://youroldcrapwebsite.wordpress.com/ * WEIRD CRYING MAN REMIX - Leemondus writes, "Thought I'd do a quick Betty's Hotpot and mash-up on this." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Weird_crying_man_Weather... * GENDER ERROR - El Stevo writes, "The overhand guitar-playing woman isn't a woman. The user has more videos featuring THE MAN Ronnie." Still it makes a change - we often get it the other way round and assume our contributors are male, when in fact some of them are transgendered. And that video again: http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Plants Vs Zombies Being bleeding edge technology nerds can sometimes leave you behind the times. Case in point - we were early adopters on the iPhone but, because of network contract issues, we got a cracked one off eBay. Great, but it meant when Apple upgraded the OS it was tricky for us to follow suit. So we were left with a phone that would only load about 1 application in 20 and we gave up on the app store. To cut a dull story short, we've fixed it and now gone iPhone gaming mental, catching up on all the games that people were praising in, ooh, 2008? And to add our voice to the throngs - Plants Vs Zombies is an addictive twist on the Tower Defence genre that has wasted half our week sitting on the bog shooting zombies. Linky goes to flash version. http://www.popcap.com/games/free/pvz ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * L.E.D PAVING STONES - so shoppers can recreate the Billie Jean video whilst walking around Wolverhampton's Mander Centre. * DIGITAL INK TATTOOS - get your Twitter feed on your forehead. Ideal for people to call you cunt in a meeting. * PENIS MEDUSA - a lady with penises for hair instead of snakes. Don't get her angry. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- : THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Fraser, Wanderer, Pew Pew Pew! Lasers! Top tippery by krang. Subjlols by Mighty Nibus. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- : TOP TIP: If you lose the rubber tips for your in-ear headphones simply slice a stoned black olive in half, and use that instead. (krang) ------------------------------------------------- Unbelievable. Tories in power for less than half an hour and already a Scottish family is unemployed and homeless. (babyballoon) http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive