we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WE BET THE TABLOIDS ARE REALLY HOPING SOMEONE THROWS AN EGG AT NICK CLEGG." next issue » « previous issue This Week: * CRAP OLD WEBSITES - Mocked for your pleasure * HITLER - Buy a print on Amazon * SOME SHIT POLITICAL JOKES - ...that'll date badly ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "What do you call a ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than sending faeces in the post >> Tiny Japanese Girl << We popped round Jonti's house the other day to check out the shed he's built as a home office - it's a truly awesome shed and we're beyond jealous, whilst there Jonti mentioned he'd been working on a new animation that's taken him over 3 months: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/tiny+japanese+gi... >> US healthcare rap << Another topical rap from Mister Dan Bull. Catchy tune, clever lyrics and a nice sentiment. All that and Dutch subtitles too - awesome! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Some_Americans >> Please don't explode us << "I made this animation the other day," explains an anonymous b3tan. "But decided I'd have to put it out anonymously so no radicalised Islamists would decide to blow up my house. If there's any room for it in the newsletter this week, that'd be ace." Chyeah thanks - so we get the flak instead. http://b3ta.com/links/Massive_Jihad >> Your old crap website << "I've started a blog about how amazing websites were in the 90s," trills ricomonkeon. "Especially Peter Stringfellow's." A lovely bit of web archaeology, our favourite discovery being that the 1999 website for confectioner Thorntons was almost entirely about dinosaurs. http://youroldcrapwebsite.wordpress.com/ >> Voice Robot sings Tralala << That weird robot mouth thingy has very much been doing the news rounds this week. JamTallons presents the technology's most obvious application - singing internet troll tunes. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Voice_Robot_sings_Tralal... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK TV Adverts Last week we asked about TV advertising, the highs, the lows and the just arse-puckeringly awful: http://b3ta.com/questions/adverts/ * PUBLIC INFORMATION FILMS - "I love them. My favourite was the one that showed some children playing hide and seek in a field. One child finds a brilliant hiding place; an abandoned fridge! He climbs in and closes the door. Alas it's the sort of fridge with a handle which locks the door from the outside. Click! One child, sealed in a fridge, never to be found (presumably until someone comes to clear the fridge away, takes a look inside and discovers the second-worst thing you could find in a fridge, after CheeseStrings)." (costas) * NO SYMPATHY AT ALL - "OK. You can kill me now, but I helped produce the Go Compare advert music. I didn't write (much) of it but I did engineer and master it. YOU think it's annoying? try spending weeks in a studio with just that on loop." (Speshal) * IT'S JUST SOAP - "Take two bottles into the shower? Of course I don't; there's a fucking shelf in there." (costas) >> This Week's Question: Cars << We'd like your car stories. Shout incoherently about other people's driving here: http://b3ta.com/questions/cars/ ------------------------------------------------- Political T-shirts (sponsored linky) B3tans! Pull a posh bird by going to the pub wearing a David Cameron T-shirt. We'll also offer a 15% discount to all readers using code: B3TAN, so you can still afford your bus home once they realise you won't be able to take them on a skiing holiday. http://tinyurl.com/32ynmyc ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> "Am I dead or not?" << Serial killer Rodney Alcala was also a professional photographer, taking hundreds of pictures of young women. Now the police have put up a gallery, to ask whether any of these girls wound up as victims. For added creepy, voyeuristic thrills, dig up Alcala's appearance as a contestant on the US version of Blind Date. http://snurl.com/alcala >> Crap sci-fi covers << An enviable collection of the most extraordinarily cheesy science fiction and fantasy paperback covers. There's commentary too, but really what more is there to say than "lol dragon spaceship boobs!"? http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/ >> 'Time traveller' pic analysed << Is this 1940s photo of a young man in anachronistic clothing the long-awaited proof that time travel is real? Well, it seems unlikely but here's a closer look. http://snurl.com/timetraveller >> USB Fun << Bloke's plaintive appeal for the return of his USB flashdrive. Who says romance is dead? http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/mis/1701584027.... >> Bacon-flavoured envelopes << Here's a taste of the future: bacon. Yes, in the future literally everything will taste of bacon. And why? Because YOU DEMANDED IT. We hope you're happy, wallowing in your pig-flavoured dystopia. http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/zombies/d4f6/ >> Lying down game << Photos of people stiffly lying in various inconvenient locations. Both better and funnier than that sounds. http://dengedenge.com/2010/04/the-lying-down-game/ >> Celeb drug scandal << Exclusive! One of Britain's most famous faces hoovering up a fat line of coke: http://i43.tinypic.com/2e2jt5l.jpg >> 30 minutes of rain << Very long recording of a rainstorm - useful if you have trouble getting to sleep, want to sound awesome playing an instrument, or if you just miss the traditional sounds of a British summer afternoon. (Also the secret as to why The Doors Riders on the Storm is such a wonderfully atmospheric record.) http://www.rainymood.com/ >> Hentai activism << Interesting screed from a group fighting obscenity laws about 'non-photographic visual depictions of child sexual abuse' on the basis that it's not harmful, just abhorrent. Woo. Mind you, it's pretty crazy to think you can now go to prison for drawing something. http://www.backlash-uk.org.uk/wp/ ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO We predict web video will never catch on >> Justin Timberlake Medley << Uber nerds Brett Domino and Steven Peavis perform a medley of Justin Timberlake hits using stylophones, theramins, ukeleles and their own, Northern voices. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brett_Domino_Justin_Timb... >> 16 bit-life after the princess has been rescued << The hero of an old run and jump arcade game rescues the princess. He doesn't realise his troubles have only just begun. http://snurl.com/16bitreallife >> Cameron speech cut-up << The eerily-youthful Conservative Party leader reveals his party's secret election manifesto. Oh god, that's one of the signs of getting old isn't it? Political leaders start looking younger. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cameron_Speech_Cut_Up >> 3D Masterpiece ad << Swooping in for a 3D look at classic paintings reveals... Oh look, whoever's doing Samsung's ads at the moment we wish you'd stop. They're so bloody good we're having to run them in the newsletter for the love of it, rather than charging someone a big wodge of cash. http://snurl.com/3dmasterpiece >> Fake accidents from infomercials << Never have you seen such piss-poor acting collected up into one easy-to-consume video. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> David Cameron sings Common People << Really rather good lyrics - enjoyable lines such as, "He told me his dad was loaded, I said 'mine too we should run this country.'" http://tinyurl.com/2wa9jrt ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Stop raping our eyes, this is hell * VATICAN PENIS SHOCKER - "I've just noticed something about where the Pope lives", writes Jimbotfu, "blimey!" http://snurl.com/lolvatican * HITLER PIC FOR SALE ON AMAZON - "This print certainly adds a certain feeling of gravitas to my child's bedroom", writes one keen review. Maybe you'd like to add others? http://tinyurl.com/23hrvmq ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Opposite Signs Challenge Last week we wanted you to use antonyms to give us alternative versions of classic signs Your favourites included: * PENGUINS - health and safety advice turned upside-down by Antarctic folk (pzyko) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10007813 * HORSES - classic wordplay featuring talented art nag (Puromycin) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10007100 * WOMBLES - London Underground sign punned to devastating effect (Afinkawan) http://www.b3ta.com/board/10005741 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/oppositesigns/ >> New challenge: Flowcharts & Infographics << Open up Photoshop, and show us the truth about anything, using the medium of infographic and flowchart http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/infographics/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * B3TAN GETS INTO GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS - and no, it's not a pie-eating competition, he's visiting as many countries as possible in a year. So far he's up to 133 and hopes to reach 200. http://snurl.com/whatididonmyhols * A CURE FOR GETTING OLD? -"Well, You asked for it," writes Ace McAce ,"Here's a crazy man telling us that living to 1,000 years old is easy. The idea of watching a 20 minute long lecture might not seem that fun, but it's actually really interesting!" We can't really be arsed to sit though this. Life's too short. http://snurl.com/cutoutthebooze ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME We've giving you two. Two. It rhymes with poo. * SYDNEY SHARK - "Best sequel ever to best game ever" writes ToastMaster. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/533302 * MARIO GAME - "Runny jumpy collecty coiny thing," writes moogthedog, "And every time he does, he's joined by a friend. Bit weird, bit mad, but fun - Some levels are more of a puzzle than may be expected." http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/enough-plumbers/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * Money * Sex * Ice cream Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Bitlow, Linkin_Parker, asciifaceofbob, Bob The Frog, DefyingDarwin, littlefish, aliveinabox, collapsibletank. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via The Coast Of Yemen. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you ever need insoles in a hurry, panty liners are perfect; they stick down, absorb sweat and you can cut them to the right size. Just make sure you're not going on a plane, it can be embarrassing when you have to take your shoes off for the security to look in! (mellocakes) ------------------------------------------------- Do you think David Cameron's arse gets jealous about the amount of shit that constantly comes out of his mouth? (lp ben) http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive