we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "I WAS SUCKING OFF THIS BIRD LAST NIGHT WHEN I THOUGHT, 'WAIT A MINUTE...'" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUIZ - 80s TV Quiz megamix * SONG - the Axolotl song * QUESTION - Are you prejudiced? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're waiting for ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Lots of like really amazing shit man >> 80s quiz megamix << Play alongside a veritable host of ancient quiz shows, with Monkeon's latest, where he's done some crazy youtube API shit and mashed up some shit old 80s game shows. He writes, "It almost sent me insane hearing the same clips over and over again when I was building it. I've had the You Bet! losing theme in my head for about a week." http://www.monkeon.co.uk/quizarray/ >> The Axolotl Song << "The Axolotl is the luckiest animal in all of Mexico," proclaims Joel Veitch, for he has immortalised it in beautiful song! http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Axolotl_Song >> Twitter Bird prank << "We recently did this prank on a packed Twitter conference in Texas," explains phonepimp. "Hope you enjoy." Rampaging man in a blue bird suit crashes a speech by Twitter's CEO. Brilliant! http://snurl.com/twitterbirdrage >> "Imagine" in 10 words or less << Team Fishcake's abridged cover of the Lennnon classic. "We like to think we're not just paying tribute to John Lennon, but actually being better than him," says Mike Fishcake. "We're sure the people in his home town of Liverpool in Manchester won't mind us saying that." http://snurl.com/asliceoflennon ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK How clean is your house? We wanted to know if you were an obsessive compulsive clean freak or just rubbed your dishes clean on your pants. Some of this lot don't even bother with the pants: http://b3ta.com/questions/filth/ * WALL BREAD - "I used to live in Middlesbrough. Naturally, our house was a total shithole, and the envy of the street. During a food-fight in the living room, I flung a piece of crust at my mate. Being a corner, its trajectory was not what I had anticipated, and it fell in a lame arc. Feeling despondent, I went to go and retrieve it, and that's when I saw something magical. The bread had never reached the ground. Instead it was held, suspended two feet off the floor, by some errant cobwebs. Of course, we all found this to be absolutely fucking marvelous, and it was forbidden to move wall bread under any circumstances." (SigmaX0) * U-BEND MUSHROOMS - "Back in the days of our student flat, hygiene was an optional quality. One day we noticed a mushroom growing on the U-bend coming out the back of the toilet. Rather than clean up we named him "Horace" and would water him with warm water to keep him alive. Was still there when we moved out a year later." (golddust) * BACK-KEBAB - "I woke up one morning late for work after a big night out. I pulled on my clothes and ran for the train. It was packed. Having walked half way down the train, I felt something weird on my back. I reached up into my shirt to see what it was... it was my skin peeling off! I was terrified, I took a corner and pulled it gently, pulled a bit more... this massive chunk of skin was peeling off, but I didn't feel any pain. finally the whole slice came off. I had a look - in front of this whole carriage of commuters - it was a bit of doner kebab I had fallen asleep on the night before, stuck to my back with ketchup." browser) >> This Week's Question: Prejudice << Got some deep seated but irrational hatred you'd like to admit to? Do others fail to see past the spots, glasses and pasty complexion? Tell us about your experiences of prejudice: http://b3ta.com/questions/prejudice/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> HP Linguistic Module << Too late for April Fools, but well worth doing anyway. Print out and stick one to the front of all the printers in your office. Then sit back and enjoy. http://webadboard.com/4-1-2010-HP-printer.pdf >> Misplaced manhole covers << Strangely satisfying gallery of manhole covers put into slightly, but just slightly, the wrong place. http://misplacedmanholecovers.co.uk/ >> Naughty Nicky Campbell << The talk radio host makes a tiny schoolboy error introducing a feature on fox hunting. http://snurl.com/oohthatnicky >> Touching story about GoldenEye 64 << Awww, sad video-games-related story. We'll probably be remembered the same way, but with lolcats and knob jokes. http://snurl.com/saltyinternettears >> Geekiest alphabet ever << And ABC packed to the absolute brim with comic-book references. In case you want to raise your child to be the world's most humongous nerd. http://snurl.com/alphageeks >> Suspect Jesus of the week << Entertaining single-subject blog scores a particular hit with this well-hung Jesus. http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/jesii/565/index.html >> Animated gif photography << Enjoyed this photographer's arty use of animated gifs. Gives a nice, jerky cinecam feel. http://is.gd/b9Ptv ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like a cinema but inside your computer. WOWOOWO! >> Song about the Daily Mail << Hooray for Dan & Dan, tackling our favourite newspaper the Daily Mail. Really, we love it. The website is full of sexy photos that aren't quite porn and the mentals who comment on the stories always entertain. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Song_about_the_daily_mai... >> Masterchef - Top 10 Innuendoes This Week! << Everything is dirty, but that's just because we're OCD. BTW: We just wondered about writing a humorously out-of-date joke about Lloyd Grossman so looked him up on Wikipedia and, oddly, he's started to look like Steve Jobs and play the electric guitar. http://snurl.com/dirtymasterchef >> iPhone vortex of death! << Neat idea for an iPhone app here - it repeats everything you say in a higher pitch - so what happens if you make it talk to another iPhone? http://www.b3ta.com/links/Talking_Carl_fight >> Wonders of The Foockin Solar System << TV's new face of science is Professor Brian Cox. He used to be a pop star in the 90s and, as a b3tan comments, "He is enthusiastic, but sounds like a stoned northerner telling you about a brilliant cake shop he's found... rather than the marvels of the universe." A spot-on bit of mockery which will only help his celebrity grow. http://snurl.com/fookinsolarsystem >> 160 greatest Arnie quotes. << 10 minutes of cheezy one-liners. You'll never need to watch an Arnie film again - it's all here. Now somebody do one with every time Roger Moore raised an eyebrow. http://www.b3ta.com/links/160_greatest_Arnie_quote... >> Lady Gaga - Chat Roulette Video << Combining the two biggest world events of recent times this is a cultural overload. Mrs B3ta loves this. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Lady_Gaga_Chat_Roulette_... ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER It's shit this but you like it We'd rather get a time machine and rape ourselves as a baby than run this section again, but you make us do it and we are literally whores for the readers, so here you go. MC_Histamine informs us about Quim, a Portuguese goalkeeper. Quim is getting on a bit, 34 and seen better days. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quim ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Memequake Challenge Last week we wanted you to celebrate the humble meme Your favourites included: * SCIENCE - it's web chemistry as b3ta memes are compiled in a handy, cut- out-and-keep table (Mighty Nibus) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9983709 * PEPPER - the inevitable Beatles pastiche includes many an old favourite. Literally Hours of fun (CaptainSpaulding) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9978925 * DOMO - our favourite Japsanese TV hero dances on a beach. Nice grass skirt, too (elvisweathercock) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9980453 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/memequake/ >> New challenge: Remaking Films With Animals << This week's challenge is classic b3ta: fire up Photoshop, and remake Films and TV programmes, but with animals instead of humans http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/animalfilms/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * CYRIAK IN THE PAPERS - good to see our favourite animating B3tan in The Guardian. Well done that chap. http://bit.ly/br679G * SPONSOR A B3TAN FOR AUTISM - Ed, the chappy who writes the music on Joel Veitch's animations, is running the London Marathon for the National Autistic Aociety. He's made this little vid. Joel helped a tiny bit with some of the shoe-moving. http://snurl.com/stopmotionmarathon * B3TAN FOOLS METRO NEWSPAPER - this involves some naughty lies being put on Wikipedia, which we heartily discourage as the last time we mentioned something like that they deleted your Ginger Fuhrer's page and edited the B3ta entry down to about two paragraphs in revenge. Read the links in order, and a stern telling off to Rusty Shackleford for such naughtiness. http://www.b3ta.com/links/448271 http://snurl.com/irishtimes * GENDER CONFUSION - "Hi it's Sam Grimmett here. Just dropping a line to say muchos grassy arse for featuring Embrace Life in the 12th Feb newsletter!!! Small thing though- I'm a laydee! I know it will make all the difference. Bloody b3ta misogynists. Only joking, what about a new policy assuming all multiple gender names are girls? Given the b3ta demographic it should be a right laugh." Sorry Sam, we'll never suggest you have a penis again. BTW: Here's your link again because it's bloody ace - and over 4 million views! Gosh. http://www.youtube.com/watch * HOW TO GET RID OF RUBBISH FLATMATES - Irregular Shed writes in response to last week's plea, "They got rid of the girl who was in my room before me by sprinkling milk on her pillow, roughly in the area where her nose would be, and then just leaving nature to take its course." Milky milky. ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Run, Jesus RUN! Bored of playing God? Then welcome to the first Jesus simulator - run to the right, hitting space to jump or work miracles as you go. If you reach the end without the 10 second timer running out, it shows your score as apostles. Then you get crucified. http://snurl.com/runjesusrun ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * TWEET MY DEATH - We reckon someone should put a camera in their coffin and tweet a pic every day of their decomposition along with hilarious prepared captions. * MODERN RHYMING SLANG - Santander bank - wank, Intel Inside = Died and Greggs pasty = nasty. Stuff like that. * ACRONYMS FAKE OR REAL QUIZ - does BAAPS really stand for British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via jammy doughnut-related incident, planearm, EnDee, dum.dum.dum.dummm, redazril, PenguinOfDeath, hieronymous bosch, Ruddles, @bounder, The Magical Mr Q, @jamsandwich, @essers. Subjlols via smugb. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sicki joke via peter milner42 And Bad Horsey who says, "I'm a wee bit miffed that, after posting the online punchup between Bruce Everiss and, well, the rest of the world, that it made the newsletter without a credit!" so this newsletter is both specially credited and dedicated to him. May his horses always be bad but in a good way like Jacko in the 80s. ------------------------------------------------- One good thing about paedophiles, they always slow down outside schools. http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive