we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IF YOU ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY VIEWING THIS NEWSLETTER, VIEW IT ONLINE HERE: HTTP://TINY.CC/BY2YP" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VIDEO - Joel makes a bacon rocket * HOMEOPATHY - And why we love it * QUESTION ON GINGERS - Goes badly ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "B3ta closed by the BBC ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << We can't afford to feed our children. Please help. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Other than playing pocket billiards >> Bacon Rocket << "Hey dude," gleets Veitch, "New thing for this week is the bacon rocket." Rather than the expected crudely-fashioned gif of his genitalia, it turns out this week Joel and his highly-trained pork enthusiasts have genuinely fashioned a real rocket, for real, from bacon, sausage, toast, gunpowder and win. Then they launch it out of the kitchen door. Mrs Joel is less than pleased. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bacon_Rocket >> Homeopathy vs Science - a Metaphor << "I tried to sum up the whole homeopathy vs science debate using a simple metaphor," explains Jaffa The Cake. Just don't come running to us when you need someone to homeopath your arm back on. http://www.jakearchibald.co.uk/homeopathy/ >> Dear BBC << "So BBC 6 and Asian Network are facing the chop," muses Dan Bull. "I have written a musical letter to the BBC to voice my concerns. I wonder if they'll show this on Points of View?" Well they might, as Dan has already been invited onto Sky News over this song. Gosh the internet moves quickly these days. http://snurl.com/bbc6song >> Trippy money arty thing << "For the last two years I've been stamping UV skulls over the Queen's face on all the money that I get out of the cash-point," confesses shardcore. "There's now thousands of pounds-worth floating around the UK economy." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Money_thats_what_I_want:... >> Ransack your dignity << "I did all my clubbing in the early 90's when there weren't digital cameras or Facebook," explains this site's owner. "I did some dumb shit while drunk, but it wasn't all over the interwebs to haunt me the next morning. Unlike these poor sods." Let's all laugh at people younger than ourselves, going out at night and having a good time. Ha! The dolts. http://www.RansackYourDignity.com ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Gingers Last week we asked for your experiences of gingerism. Your Ginger Fuhrer was genuinely interested, but it seems most of you wanted to either protest, tell ginger jokes or show off your tits: http://b3ta.com/questions/ginger/ Most of your activity seems to have been discussing Exempt's blatant exhibitionism, but her fantastic "insult bingo" card more than makes up for it: http://snurl.com/myjingoitsbingo >> This Week's: Unwritten letters << We'd like your undelivered letters: apologies, anger, declarations of love and the things you want to say to people, but can't or didn't get the chance to. Write to them here: http://b3ta.com/questions/letterstheywillneverread... ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Re-pink your labia << Older women - worried about colour-loss in your special ladies' region? Well maybe you should worry. And then ease those worries by purchasing a pot of this... vagina paint? http://snurl.com/unshabbieryourlabia >> Great response to stupid Facebook status << Pretty much what it says in the title. A surprisingly long-ish read and NSFW with swearing, if your boss is some sort of atom-freak with microscope vision. http://i.imgur.com/2nw4x.png >> The people of the London School of Economics << "The London School of Economics has put photos of the staff online from the early 90's," explains Kevin Meredith. Lovely collection of classic nerds. http://snurl.com/holdbackladiestheyremarried >> How programming books used to look << These days a codey manual probably has some bearded numpty on it, or a line drawing of an elk. The 1980s was a better place: http://bit.ly/ZRQv ------------------------------------------------- Go to google translate. Type in "lick". Translate it into Arabic. Copy the third one down in the verb column and paste it into the area where you type. Translate it back to English. We laughed. ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like ceefax but with a back button >> OK GO + Budget = win << The kings of Youtube are back with another of their OMG-did-you-see-that videos that makes you wish they were as good songwriters as they are video directors. BTW: Our new one-size-fits- all insult we lay on our songwriting web-mong friends is, "Hey, you're the chaps with the treadmills. I love you guys." http://bit.ly/aNDaY6 >> Australian Stutter rap << Readers of a certain age will remember Morris Minor and the Majors and their sublime Beastie Boys parody Stutter Rap. But like every joke in this world, it's done better by Australians. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> One of those upload your face vids << But a fun one, partly because it's so over the top and the idea of being popular in Sweden is our kind of popular. http://en.tackfilm.se/ >> Trololololololololololo << A grinning robot lip-syncs babble at you, in an impossibly cheesy lounge version of hell. Welcome to 1970 Soviet light entertainment and the musical stylings of Edward Hill. The new Rick Roll? Certainly the most-sent-in-link this week anyway. http://trololololololololololo.com/ >> Bananas exploding on face << Performance art meets slapstick. WTF. http://snurl.com/bangnana >> Susan Boyle in Japan << Is it racist to like this Asian remake of the legendary Susan Boyle discovery clip? Japanese SuBo and Japanese Simon Cowell are very convincing. Japanese Piers Morgan is... frightening. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Susan_Boyle_In_Japan ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Still about as funny as cancer * FANNY CUNT - It's a real name. Just check the 1891 census! http://www.your-family-history.com/c/cunt-family-h... * DIRTY CHEMISTS - Filthy molecule structure: http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/ic0352250 * BONE PAPERCLIPS - From above they look like adorable doggy bones. From below... eh, not so much. http://snurl.com/bonerclips * THE BRIAN - Schoolboy error from 'Cardiff's largest FE College'. Check the pic just above the link for dyslexia support. http://snurl.com/brainsthebrains * BLAXPLOITATION BISCUITS - "I just bought these from the shop downstairs," beams GTA. "I believe they are from Turkey." http://snurl.com/thistakesthebiscuit ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Hospitals Challenge Last week we wanted you to make Hospitals dangerous Your favourites included: * VOTE - political satire at its most sharp from the aptly named (Damocles) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9933429 * PONY - in which Jeremy The Annoying Horse goes in for an operation (Fresh Water Mole ) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9934291 * HULK - we're not sure what's going on, here, or why it's relevant, but it sure is spectacular (Faceburger) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9935682 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hospitals/ >> New challenge: Superheroes in History << Superheroes are immortal and never appear to age, so lets show them as we know them, but throughout history: defending the Victorians, protecting dinosaurs and dining in the court of Henry the 8th. Challenge suggested by PhillieJoe http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/superheroesinhistory... ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * SPAMMER REVENGE - earlier this week someone spammed the board and your Ginger Fuhrer was bored so he turned it into a jingle / video because they say, "write about what you know." http://www.b3ta.com/links/You_are_a_Spamming_Cunt:... ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Sushi Cat Cute, silly game where your aim is to drop the pleasingly squishy main character until there's no more sushi left for him to eat. http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/sushi-cat/ >> BONUS: Super-annoying wordy game << "Two and a bit years ago you guys featured my SUPER LETTER GAME," boasts Catfurnace. "I've finally got off my arse and made a follow up - the even more annoying WORD SHOOT. It'd be awesome to be featured again, especially as I'm job hunting." http://www.lawriecape.co.uk/wordshoot/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BRIAN BLESSED SATNAV - Rich writes, "I am attempting to bring to the world the Brian Blessed Sat Nav. I have to admit to a certain amount of self interest, in that I want one. Bad. Not a stupid third rate "impersonation" sat nav, but proper Brian. In my car. Shouting directions with slightly bewildered gleeful beardiness." So if you want this to happen please join Rich's Facebook group. BTW: We once had a similar fantasy about getting William Shatner to voice our "ShatNav". http://snurl.com/facebookgrpoooooop * AN EXTRA SOUND PROOFED ROOM FOR PLAYING THE DRUMS - we've always fancied learning the drums but never lived anywhere where this would be practical. Why should life be so cruel? * STRANGLEWANK THE FLASH GAME - some kind of balancing act between passing out and masturbation. You work out the details because we're too busy. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via pickspicks, fgrainger, ransackyourdignity, Kantia, simonbadger, jdkpummel, planearm, Rainbow Dave, Darklord, Splather, imoen_uk, monkeyseemonkeydo, Diamondflamer. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sickipedia via MICK THE MAG. Love to Splather's mother. Top tip via Spaff_Quaffer. Subjtrolling via theoriginalsteve. And @trullock, cm6051, @sumarumi, @ahughes1988 and @TomUP. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Can't get your drawer closed due to it being full of marital aids? You can save space by placing your cockrings onto your dildo, and storing your dildo inside your fleshlight. ------------------------------------------------- Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine. http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive