we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS NEWSLETTER PLEASE SEND £50 BY PAYPAL" next issue » « previous issue "To unsubscribe from this newsletter please send £50 by PayPal" This Week: * TOY - Add laugh tracks to youTube vids * CHALLENGE - Make stuff invisible * WTF - Amish hackers? ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK Other than festering in vomit >> Cadbury's Eyebrow ad, how it was done << HappyToast reveals the truth behind that wiggly eyebrowed chocolate advert. Basically, they ran a truckload of electric current through the kids. Happy now? http://b3ta.com/links/Cadburys_Eyebrow_advert_how_... >> The Lolinator << "If you've ever wondered what it would be like if everything had a studio audience, wonder no more..." booms monkeon. "It's also fun to add a mental amount of laughter to sitcoms which already have a laugh track." http://www.monkeon.co.uk/lolinator/ >> How autumn works << Sheep unexpectedly figures out trees. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tree_Power >> Rocket Dog << Joel pays long-overdue homage to soviet space dog Laika. "She died for the glory of the motherland," he weeps into his borscht. http://rathergood.com/rocket_dog ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY 13TH FACTS Because we can read Wikipedia too * BUFFY FANS should check the torrents tonight as Joss Whedon's new show Dollhouse is debuting its pilot episode. Might be shit, who knows, but we'll be watching. * BLACK SABBATH released their debut album 29 years ago today. We still haven't listened to it. Maybe next year. * FORGOT to organise a timely Black Mass to raise the Goat of Mendes? Don't worry, there's another Friday the 13th following directly in March. ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Pubs Last week we asked for your pub stories: http://b3ta.com/questions/pubs/ * JEDI - "Me and my friends (a bunch of crusty grebos to a man) decided that for a bit of fun we'd dress up and see what life was like in the "trendy" bars we usually eschewed. The bar we'd chosen was having a Star Wars night and all the staff were in costume. I sidled up to the bar hoping to get served by one of the luscious Leias, but instead found myself confronted with a blond wigged, judo-suited Luke. I ordered four pints, he fetched them for me and told me the price. Quick as a flash (and grinning like an idiot) I waved my hand in a mysterious way and said "It's okay, I've already paid you for them." He said, "You what?" and I repeated it. He said, "Oh, right" and walked away to serve someone else. Yes, I did the Jedi mind trick on Luke Skywalker. I'd only meant it as a joke..." (emvee) * AUSSIE - "I'm a journalist, so I've spent almost every waking hour of the past 20 years in pubs. Highlights include: man walks in and waves knife, "Give me the money!!" Elderly barman produces a gun and says, "Fuck off, sonny."; Old crim playing pool and his shooter accidentally falls out of his pocket; Smashed detectives stumble out of the bar into squad car, turn on siren and roar off - into a parked car. And then there's Troughman. This is a guy who used to regularly be seen around Sydney laying in the toilet trough begging everyone to piss all over him. Think I'm kidding? Google the name." (difficultchild) * MANLY - "My hair's a bit on the long and shaggy side, and some would maintain that, despite being tall and broad of shoulder, it makes me look effeminate. Working the bar on New Year's Eve, watching people get progressively more drunk, I'm serving two blokes, both of whom bore more than a passing resemblance to the bastard offspring of Ross Kemp and a pork pie. "Yes, gents?" "You wanna gerra haircut, mate. You look like a girl." (Mustn't be rude to the customer...) "Haha, yeah, maybe next year. Now then, what can I get you?" "Two double Baileys, please, mate." (The Supreme Crow ) >> This Week's Question << Had a brush with the Grim Reaper purely through your own stupidity? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/darwin/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> "This is why you're fat" << There's a fine line between deliciously decadent food and overwhelming grossness. This parade of greasy treats gracelessly sprawls right across it. http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/ >> Amish hackers << The Amish are commonly thought of as technology-fearing luddites. Nothing could be further from the truth, according to this in-depth article detailing the ingenious ways they get around their religious restrictions. http://snurl.com/amish_hackers >> Pepsi bullshit << If you had any doubts that designers are ponces, check out this turgid and obscure document explaining Pepsi's new corporate identity. "Pepsi gravitational pull"? http://snurl.com/pepsi_challenged >> How not to fail at life << Crudely-drawn wisdom in a guide to getting out of your parents' basement and on with your life. http://snurl.com/thisisyourlife >> Schadenfreude << "Fuck my life!" is the inevitable ending of each of these mini epics of personal failure and misfortune. http://www.fmylife.com/ >> Online music browser << We're currently loving Spotify, an app very like having an infinitely-large and much better-indexed iTunes library, with all the album artwork and everything. Win. https://www.spotify.com/en/ >> Write your own flash website thingie << Oooh, this is clever clever - write code into a little box on the website and it compiles it and makes a little flash blob, edit other peoples code, collaborate etc. This is a small glimpse of the future. Breathe deeply now. Linky goes to a game as to not scare the non-geeks too much. http://snurl.com/tomorrows_world ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Like TV Burp but with less baldy sell-outs >> D-Pad hero << Ancient precursor to Guitar Hero for Nintendo's original Famicon console. The creaky midi of 'Sweet Child of Mine' is our favourite. http://dpadhero.com/Video.html >> Sopranos Uncensored << Nostalgic collection of every single swear from every episode of the Sopranos ever made. A fitting tribute. http://www.vimeo.com/2998698 >> Kittens inspired by Kittens << The audio-visual equivalent of lolcats, as strange little girl provides vocal captions for a book of kitten photography. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Angry Noel Edmonds << The Noel's HQ presenter unexpectedly rears up on his hind legs and makes an impassioned speech to decry an uncaring local council. He's actually rather frightening when aroused - and this is just begging for a weblol remix. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Christian Bale takes David to the dentist << The inevitable collision of two memes - hallucinating child and furious Hollywood actor. Please let it end here. http://snurl.com/obremix >> Sony Releases New Stupid Piece of Shit << Spot-on Onion piece about yet another must-have piece of household electronica designed to frustrate users to the point of apoplexy. BTW: Best Onion headline recently? Tina Turner Burns Down Legs For Insurance Money. http://snurl.com/well_done_onion >> Is Joaquin Phoenix having a breakdown? << Or just acting out a scenes for a new film, Borat-style, in real life so they can get particularly good footage? Either way, we're currently finding this is-he-isn't-he story fascinating. http://snurl.com/andykaufmanish >> Trippy bad compression << Working in some crap web agency in 1997, trying to compress a few more bytes out of a jpeg to get the whole page under 60k, I suddenly we had a thought. "One day there's going to be a photoshop filter to simulate bad compression. It'll make people feel nostalgic." That day hasn't happened - but we've just seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Still not funny, still not cornery * JOE KING - System Analyst at KMS Financial Services, "Funny name. No punchline though," writes bjselby2. * MIKE WANKUM - goodladd smirks, "Speaking of your funny name corner last week, I lived in Boston in 2002 and at the time his station's advertising slogan for the weather segment was 'Wankum's Got You Covered!' It was on billboards all over the city. Shit you not, though I can't find any evidence of it on the interwebs." ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED LINKY #2 Amnesty Valentines As if you weren't sick of Valentine's Day already, here's a vomit-inducing collection of plasticine critters, telling you that love is a human right. So, instead of sitting around moping about your long lost love that never was, why not send a card to someone who'll really appreciate it? BTW: The visuals were produced by your lovely newsletter team of Dave & Rob. http://www.protectthehuman.com/videos/love-is-a-hu... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from Petty Terrorism Last week we mostly played Freecell whilst you lot wasted your lives making jokes in Photoshop. Our favourites included: * LEGO - recreating the devastation of 9/11 using everyone's favourite plastic bricks (HappyToast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9154944 * ROYAL MAIL - a devastating postal attack on the Royal Family (Letum) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9154907 * INFLATION - young Bazram was never cut out to be a proper terrorist (Sunshine Elephant) http://www.b3ta.com/board/9155283 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pettyterrorism/ >> New challenge: Invisible Extras << Take a picture, any picture, then fire up Photoshop and remove a section of it to completely change what's happening. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/invisible/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * OH THAT BLOODY VIRGIN COMPLAINT LETTER - patporter1 blithers, "I teach English and was using the letter to teach my Year 11 class how to write a letter of complaint. One of my students suggested the letter was a PR job. So I telephoned the number at the top of the page and got a quite angry Oliver who assures me and the rest of the class it is genuine." * REALISTIC INTERNET SIMULATOR?! - approx. 6 years after we made this crappy little parody flash game, Jeff Katz has got in touch and produced something called an "iPhone edition." Which was unexpected. http://www.soulstrewn.com/internets/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Shopping Cart Hero Before internet shopping, students used to steal supermarkets shopping trolleys and use them as gokarts. Relive the 90s now, lest we should forget. http://snurl.com/tesco_value_games ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * BACKWARDS YOUTUBE - a tool to play youtube videos backwards. And why not? * A WII/SPOTIFY HACK - so we can listen to music on our TV. * CHEWED UP PAPER ART - what celebs can you make from masticating up old copies of Heat and forming little spitty figures? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by thiswasmyclone, bort deluxe, The Resident Loon, matt round, the_log_knows, grey matter and C-Bean. Top Tippery by The Archduke of South London. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via Joe Scaramanga ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Girls! At work? Forgot your tampons? no worries! Just bleed on the chair and pretend you sat on a strawberry. ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA: Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive