we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THE INTERNET EQUIVALENT OF A BULIMIC'S INDEX FINGER" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * SONG - Jonti's controversial views on Gypsies * RETRO COMPUTING - Crap celebs in pixels * ANIMATION - Clever lollipop stick thingie ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1 Cowboys, Gypos and Shakin' Stevens >> Sticky Cowboys << We really liked this demented piece of lolly stick-based animation by The Brothers McLeod. We're imagining the boys stuffing themselves with 75 Magnums each in order to do this, although the reality is they probably bought a job lot of sticks off eBay. It's genuinely creative and it piles on the gags. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Electro Gypsy << We're obsessed with gypsies in B3ta HQ - the fuhrer has been threatening to sell the B3ta wife to those Romany types for years. So we loved this latest piece of madness from Jonti Picking, though we feel the video would be even better if it had shown the leccy gypos eating a hedgehog. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Electro+Gypsy/ >> 48k celebrity awards << B3ta wishes to apologise for this - your Ginger Fuhrer instead of running the site properly spent the afternoon looking up old computer games and seeing how many pixely drawings of crap celebs he could find. This is probably of no interest to you unless you are from the UK and in your 30s. http://www.b3ta.com/features/48kcelebrityawards/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Faking it Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on the interweb. Last week it was faking it, your guide to times when bullshit was the only option. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/ * CHEESE LOLS - "A few years ago I worked for about 10 months in a sales office in Coventry... All the time I was there I told everyone that I didn't like cheese. Then one day while the manager (who, it has to be said, was a horrible woman) was out and I was really hungry I stole her cheese from the fridge and ate it. When she came back she understandably was pissed off that someone had stolen her cheese and gave everyone a hard time about it... except for me, because she knew I didn't like cheese." (Professor Kenny Martin) * FAKING CHILDHOOD BLINDNESS TO SKIVE SCHOOL ( Tourette's) - we're linking these two stories as they're very long. Good tho. Worth a click of anyone's mouse. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/post198186 * BOUGHT A ROBOT OFF THE INTERNET AND PRETENDED THE SCHOOL HAD BUILT IT (PhillieJoe) http://www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/post197242 >> This week: Best films ever << A few weeks back we asked about books, and it gave us a great selection of ideas for stuff to read, so we thought we'd try something similar with films. (Not that we'd rapidshare them and watch them on the laptop in bed - no sir.) http://www.b3ta.com/questions/films/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Deaf nicknames << If you're around deaf people a fair amount, you will get a sign language nickname - it's a necessity to avoid spelling your name out every time you're mentioned. Thing is, you don't get to choose your own... http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/features/sign_names.shtm... >> Electronic dance music invented in 60s? << Delia Derbyshire - the woman behind the Doctor Who theme recently died and left behind 100s of tapes in her loft. Fascinating stuff - including a track recorded in the 60s that sounds identical to the noise that came from student bedrooms in the 90s - Aphex Twin, Autechre and all those bods. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7512072.s... >> Pretty Flickr colour picker << Pleasing results from this clever page that brings up Flickr images containing colours you choose from a palette. http://labs.ideeinc.com/multicolr/ >> Favicon Defenders << Yes, the favicon: that tiny little picture you get to the left of the address bar in your browser. Through some sort of mind-warping hyper nerdery, a fully-functional version of the arcade classic playable in your browser. Playable, that is, if you squint. http://snipurl.com/theworkofwitches [www_p01_org] >> Wolfenflickr << Recreation of venerable shooter Castle Wolfenstein but with your own photos adorning the walls. And what seems like a lamentable lack of nazis. Stick 'robmanuel' in if you like. http://www.nihilogic.dk/labs/wolfenflickr/ >> Pencil review site << For the nerds its like "Yay! Pencils!" for everyone else "Yay! Laugh at nerds!" Thus another webby win for all. http://www.penciltalk.org/ >> Utility kilts << If you are a builder and you don't like wearing trousers then this could be right up your alley. Nobody at all will make fun of you. Although you should be careful going up ladders, maybe. http://www.utilikilts.com/ >> Radiohead viewer << Their House of Cards vid is all over YouTube but this is better - lets you spin round Thom Yorke's funny little face, using the laser data from the visuals. The video, by the way, is very reminiscent of Kraftwerk's Musique Non Stop. Mashup anyone? http://code.google.com/creative/radiohead/viewer.h... ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH A-Z of baby animals An entire alphabet's-worth of cuddly cuteness. Although it's worth noting that a few of the As aren't all that appealing. http://dalesdesigns.net/BA1.htm ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Ceefax was better >> Gorbie vs. zombie << Heartfelt heavy metal tribute to the man who led the USSR to the consumerist promised land. And kicked undead arse. http://www.vimeo.com/1223566 >> Is Cake farts the new 2 girls 1 cup? << First there was Goatse, then there was Tubgirl, then the broadband age brought us 2 girls 1 cup. And in the words of moogthedog, "It's officially the end of the Internet. They should put up a sign. Don't bother looking for anything else... Nothing else compares to this..." VERY VERY VERY NSFW. http://www.cakefarts.com/ >> World's longest eyebrow << Repellant coverage of a bloke's bid for the world record longest eyebrows. Close-ups of long, stringy body hair abound. Brilliantly pompous music throughout. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Little girl cheats claw game << Alarmingly, she does this by clambering up inside the machinery and picking her own prize. People are shocked, but how do you think those things get stocked in the first place? You can't trust a monkey not to shit down the chute. http://www.break.com/index/little-girl-cheats-at-c... >> Failed building demolition << Structure proves distressingly sturdy for a crowd gathered to watch it get blown up. Begs the question: who has the unenviable job of going up there and knocking it down properly? http://www.b3ta.com/links/Failed_building_demoliti... >> Singing the puppies to sleep << Baby dogs prove highly susceptible to the soothing power of song. But you must never stop, else they wake up and cry for more. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Time_for_bed_pups_It_am_... ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Rimming, rape, fatties and cock * Rim.jobs - Perverse URL forwarding from the careers department at Research In Motion. http://rim.jobs * Burntherapist.com - Rough justice? http://www.burntherapist.com/ * TOAST for fatties - "TOAST provides support for people whose lives are affected by obesity." If you're thinking of bingeing reach out for TOAST. http://www.callhelpline.org.uk/showagency.asp * Scotland is a crudely-drawn, spunking cock - at least, according to the first known map of Great Britain. http://www.foxearth.org.uk/Maps/GoughMap_large.jpg ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2 MJ Hibbett, Veitch and cooking cakes in cups >> B3ta Rock God MJ - Edinburgh show << Our chum MJ Hibbett this week invited us to his new show he's taking to the Edinburgh Festival - featuring all the amusing little anecdotes he's prone to retelling if you go to the pub with him. Frankly it's awesome and it was the best night's entertainment we've quite literally ever had. Anyway, to get you in the mood, here's his new single which is also featured in the show. BTW: Best story? Our money is on the Zodiac Mindwarp one. http://www.b3ta.com/links/It_Only_Works_Because_Yo... >> Meaty moon << Joel's latest effort revolves around the idea that the moon is made of meat - in this case some rather frightening-looking mince that is made from goose feet. Don't let this put you off - the song and animation are great. Vintage Veitch (we can smell it from here). http://rathergood.com/gooses/ >> Cup cake cooking << A link has been doing the rounds this week about cooking cake by plonking flour, sugar, eggs, milk, oil and chocolate power in a cup, microwaving then shoving fistfuls into your gob like a greedy child. Our very own Dyer has a go, and er, fails. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Failure_Cooking_with_Dye... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Redraw cartoons challenge results Fraser - who normally runs our challenges is in Iran this week - we told him not to go as the news reports are, frankly, terrifying, but off he's toddled. Anyway, on with the show and our favourite entries included: * Roobarb and Custard with Parkinson's Disease. (Happy Toast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/8544091 * Spongebob sanitary towel. Or should that be Spongeblob? Great marketing opportunity here. (Joe Scaramanga) http://www.b3ta.com/board/8544993 * Homer and Marge as The Moors Murderers. (Holly Would) http://www.b3ta.com/board/8558326 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/cartooncrisis/ >> Low Budget Film Remakes << This week we want you to re-imagine Hollywood without the cash. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/lowbudgetfilmremakes... ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Splashback Add fluid to the ominous, green droplets, hopefully bursting them and clearing the screen with ricocheting goo. BTW: Got to wonder about the name splashback - surely that's slang for when you piss in an urinal and it splashes your leg. Yum. http://www.funny-games.biz/splash-back.html ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * REVERSE MUSIC - make a quiz testing whether people can identify a tune played backwards. * I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU'LL SHOW ME YOURS - remember that questionswap site? What about doing it with cocks and minges? Er.. * HERDING KITTENS - the computer game. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by DeliriumSpong, MrA, Superkitty, glyn, catbrain, anthony sennett, juicygi, londoner. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlol via sepang. Click here for the ugliest person on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/badge.php ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Ants coming into your house? Watch them to see where they path (ants will ALWAYS use the same route unless it is obstructed), then simply draw a line of chalk across said path. The ants will walk up to the line and then turn back. Can someone test this? It could make an awesome short video. (oucheh) ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA: I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards?" She said, "Yes, sir." So I said, "Could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday? http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive