we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "NOT THE ONLY HOUR YOU'LL LOSE THIS WEEKEND" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ANIM - Code Code Code * EVENT - The 'Rickmob' * VID - Cardboard Tron ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___"My girlfriend makes me ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | sleep in the wet patch. ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Code, The Curse and California >> Code Code Code << Your newsletter team made this song about writing code whilst feeling miserable. Also contains our home-made laptop. http://www.comedybox.tv/comic-video-mr+pitchy-1130... >> The lady curse explained << Koit triumphantly returns to demystify the female reproductive system through the medium of song. With all that acapella going on inside them, it's no wonder they get a little testy from time to time. http://www.lskerton.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/flash/Blo... >> California << "I've fixed the advert," beams Jonti Picking. Essentially, he's made one tiny alteration to the celebrity-laden commercial for US holidays that's running at the moment. It did, however, make us snort with a disproportionate amount of glee. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/California/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Your first fag Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes and lies into one handy place on our private gopher/ftp site. Recently we asked you about your experiences smoking cigarettes, party because your Ginger Fuhrer stopped smoking last summer and was curious to do a straw poll on the attitudes to tobacco. Lols all round then! But we did learn that marijuana is a gateway drug. But to cigs, not smack. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/smoking/ >> This Week's Question << Back in 2004 we asked for your tales of the turd, and several of you asked for a second bite of the anal cheery, so it's back: Shit Stories Two: Poo in the City. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/shitstories2/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Rick mob << Here's a date for your diary - Friday 11th April, Liverpool Street Station, the plan is to be there for 6 and sing the Astley classic Never Going To Give You - to effectively combine flashmobbing and rickrolling into one horrific combo, and rickroll an entire train station. BTW: We were invited to turn up by Alex 'million dollar home page' Tew, whose flat might be worth robbing seeing as you now know when it will be empty. http://www.rickmob.com Astley comments on rickrolling here: http://snipurl.com/astley-in-a-noose >> George Clooney, 2 Girls, 1 Cup << Continuing the theme of celebs plus crap web memes Malchick informs, "This is a pretty standard magazine interview with the George Clooney, until you reach page three, whereupon they show him 2 Girls 1 Cup. The transcript is brilliant, and I love the mental image of one of Hollywood's most politically active men dragging friends into the room to watch it." http://www.esquire.com/features/george-clooney-040... >> Food packaging vs. reality << "I know rubbish or dodgy looking food is a firm newsletter favourite.", predicts David correctly, "Here's a comparison I found of the discrepancy between food packets and what's inside." http://snipurl.com/ooh-pictures >> Keyboard madness << We've always had a dreadful relationship with computer keyboards, probably smashing at least 3 a year in pathetic rage, but we've always been to busy to design our own. If we could though, it would look exactly like this. http://mykeyboard.co.uk/microswitch/ ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Big animals licking small animals "The internet is a long way off running out of cute," scolds nilid69, "What about all the big animals licking small animals pictures that must be out there? Here is giraffe licking squirrel." Ooh, there could be a popular blog in that idea. http://animals.m0.timduru.org/ids/albums/squirrel/... ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> Cardboard Tron << The iconic light cycle scene from Tron, a deadly game of Nokia snake, now recreated using cardboard boxes and Frenchmen. Formidable. http://snipurl.com/tron-not-pron >> Slow-motion anti-gun campaign << Some really lovely high-speed photography of bullets smashing things, used to drive home the point that guns are dangerous. It did sort of make us want to go out and blow things up while listening to classical music though. That looks like a lot of fun. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Robot loves to drum << It's not so much the drumming itself, as the quirky personality shown by this tiny mechanical percussionist, as he quickly scans a room to find a suitable surface for drumming. All he wants to do is lay down a funky rhythm. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Musical_Robot >> Quincy theme - now with lyrics << Oooh! New idea alert! Why not take a classic TV theme tune and write your own words? Why not, indeed? http://www.b3ta.com/links/Quincy_Opening_With_Lyri... ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Not very funny, not at all cornery WRIGHT HASSALL - Perhaps stealing Sue Yoo's crown for best lawyer name ever. Or maybe it's some sort of honesty-in-naming thing they have going on in Leamington Spa. http://www.wrighthassall.co.uk/ STDCLINIC - More a case of clever than stupid, this site for designer Steve Turner. We still giggled like schoolboys, obviously. http://www.stdclinic.co.uk/ PHALLIC FRUITS - This bulbous growth purports to be an apple - we have our doubts, however. http://flickr.com/photos/vdz/80784823/in/set-16203... ------------------------------------------------- : NAUGHTY STEP (absolutely NSFW section - no joke) Challenging wank material >> Breakfast TV fake nudes << In a page that's as likely to last on blogspot for about 10 minutes after we post this newsletter comes this rather disturbing collection of nudey ladies from UK morning TV. If you ever wonder what the bloke who fixes your printer wanks over, then look no further. http://celeblover2007.blogspot.com/ >> Dirty Disney << Fantastic collection of Disney ladies having sex. We particularly enjoyed Beast's (from 'Beauty and the...') furry cock. http://www.redtube.com/8404 >> Wikipedia mother-lode of wrong << Whilst looking up ejaculation on wikipedia (the mind wanders, you know how it is) we were amused that someone had uploaded an example video - a complete spunky jack-off that plays in the corner of the screen whilst you read the dry medical facts. Nosey to learn who would do such a thing we click to find, "I declare and certify that I created and made the video - ImaLearner" And then? The best bit, a category called "bad images", which lists each and every cock, tit and vag on wikipedia. Exhibitionists one and all - and we salute each and every one of them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Bad_images ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Star Trek Challenge Last week we wanted you to salute the genius of William Shatner. Your favourites included: * RIKER - not nearly as good as Spock (Damocles) http://www.b3ta.com/board/8210996 * DATA - to boldly go where this particular source image has never been before (The Great Architect) http://www.b3ta.com/board/8213019 * SPORK - panic in the transporter room (shrinking_man) http://www.b3ta.com/board/8198663 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/star_trek/ >> New challenge: Famous Babies << After cooing gleefully over b3tard Wildyles' lovely picture of Patrick Moore as a tot, this week's challenge suggested itself: famous babies. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/babies/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * BALLPOINT PEN REVIEW - A quick gander at an odd Amazon product page we featured a while ago threw up this, which made us smile; "What were Bic thinking of when they released this product? I have been attempting to use this item almost continuously for three months now, but I still can't shave with it. " http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000JTOYL... * ARCHIE MEETS PULP VID - After looking at last week's retelling of Common People through comic strips, theholefiller "decided it would 'only' take a few minutes to link them up to the Pulp song itself. Many hours later it was finally done." And thanks very much for doing that - it's rather enjoyable. http://b3ta.com/links/Archie_meets_Common_People_v... ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME What's your porn score? Bored out of our tiny minds whilst filling in a tax return we invented a game: type 'tits' into a google image search and see how many pages you have to go before you can name an actress. The lower the score, the hairier your palms. BTW: Our score was 9, which surprised us slightly. http://images.google.co.uk/images ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * MANTERNITY WEAR - make some large flowing smocks for the man with the growing gut. * FUCKLEGANGERS - look up your own name on Facebook, and find your opposite-sex equivalent (eg. Rob Manuel to Robyn Manuel), then shag them. We reckon that there would be a certain frisson that would make it fun - like incest but without the police getting involved. * PENIS SIGS - "how difficult would it be to incorporate a primitive but recognisable penis into a signature?" asks thefoggypoo. "Say your name was Henry Morgan and you signed the Henry with a lower case h and with the Morgan part you wrote the Morgan beginning directly below the h with a loopy M as opposed to the capital M like upside down Vs." Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by morbit, Erik Beaton, HappyToast, Robin, popescock, thekatt, Chopper3, Mrs Trellis and bogus official. Where did you get those shoes? Where did you get those shoes? Tescos. Tescos. Tescos made your shoes. Subjlols from Mrs Trellis Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Make kids' bathtime more fun by gaffer-taping a hairdryer to an ice-cream container to make an exciting powerboat. (Maudlin McCann) FYI: Mitsy writes, "Thanks for doing my top tip in the newsletter last week, especially so, since you already used it once before. For things we'd like to see, how about a Tubgirl chocolate fountain? It would make a great conversation piece at parties." ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA: What do you call a dog with one leg? Heather. http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive