we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WRITERS STRIKE HITS NEWSLETTER: NO SUBJECT LINE THIS WEEK" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VIDEO - Celine Dion FTW, an unlikely B3ta hero * GRAFFITI - Ads get stumped * QUESTION - Shoplifters of the world confess ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Inserting our ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN "MAKING" THIS WEEK Cybersquatting, Dancey, 'Kidnapping' and Tony Hart >> Cybersquat scuffle << "A bunch of evil mongers from claimthisdomain.com snapped up the .com version of my website (calloftheday.net)," snarls Dacovale. "They wanted me to fork out $257 for it. Instead, I snaffled claimthisdomain.co.uk and started making a noise on digg and beta. The result? They backed down - so thanks!" http://calloftheday.net/ >> Dancey dancey university tutor << "I made an animation about a man named Gher who goes to Croatia," booms Aap. "This makes him and me very happy." Arguably the most joyful animation based on a teaching transfer from Illinois to Zagreb that you will have seen this year. His look of slightly gormless delight is a picture. http://www.plasproductions.com/cartoons/gher.html >> Hot 'kidnap victim' was wrestler << Crusader for truth Philip Knight brings up what he calls "a disturbing piece of journalistic inaccuracy." Basically, a couple of years ago the Associated Press ran a story about kidnappings in Mexico, accompanied with a picture of a bound woman being rescued from a car boot. Turns out the woman was actually wrestler Joy Giovanni doing a stunt. Philip is demanding the mistake be addressed, largely, we feel, because he spent so long feeling guilty for fancying a kidnap victim. Details here: http://mgfgtg.blog.co.uk/2008/01/05/correction~353... >> Give Tony Hart an honour << "The lovely Tony Hart would appear to have missed out on a gong this time," moans god save the queen. "I don't know how these things work but I'm hoping if enough signatures get added to this petition, he'll get put forward for the next great gong give-away." Normally we don't hold with online petitions but the subject of this one is close to our hearts. Also, he at least gave us an interview a while back - not like that Mr. Splashypants whale... http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/tonyhart/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Cheap Tat All the crap you've bought because it was cheap. There's even lots of lovely photos to look at if you don't like words: http://b3ta.com/questions/cheaptat/ * JAMES BOND WATCH - "I bought a watch in Bangkok that was also a lighter. You pressed the bezel and a flame came out of the top of the dial. I was pretty smug until a girl came over and asked me for a light. I managed to give myself an almighty electric shock and burn her fringe with a giant flame at the same time." (browser) * SHOCKERS - "Working on a big outdoor arts event in Birmingham, about 15 years ago, I set out to find some lunch for my crew. It was Sunday and everywhere around the site was shut. Kept looking and finally found a little corner shop open. All I could get my hands on was a sorry assortment of biscuits, sweets and crisps. All were mysterious crap brands. One thing that caught my eye was packets of 'Shockers': "Four liquorice flavour gum-balls, which one's the shocker?" Bought a packet each for dessert. Back at base, after our hearty meal, the game of Gum-ball Russian Roulette begins... Taking it in turns to chomp on the gum-balls, we speculate on what the shock might be? Could it maybe be really hot? Or really sour? Oh hang on, has it made my tongue blue? Three gum-balls gone, one left in the packet and so far no shocks. I bite into it and immediately start to retch uncontrollably. Squinting at the packet I discover that the mystery ingredient is... Ammonia. Like biting into one of the bleach blocks you get in urinals. Well I have to confess I didn't see that coming, that was indeed quite a shock. Never saw them on the shelves again either." (lankygingerfool) * CAN OPENER: "At the beginning of my first year of Uni, I thought to myself (wisely), "I should buy a can opener." Off I went to the nearby Tesco, and spotted a fairly functional-looking one, all metal, probably sturdy, only a 'Tesco Value' item because it was so no-frills and had such uncomfortable handles. I got it home and couldn't for the life of me open a can with it. I tried it every way up and every way round, but neither I nor anybody else could get it to work as its business end had been made the wrong shape to grip a can. It was a can't opener." (Slurpy The Frog) >> This Week's Question << We'd like your confessions of shoplifting. Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/shoplifting/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Microsoft for kids << Gates groupies will remember Microsoft Bob, the Windows operating system that was voted the worst product of the decade by CNET.com. Presumably from a similar initiative to 'speak to kids' comes this book explaining home servers to children. We can only conclude that Microsoft has a department staffed by the incurably twee. http://gizmodo.com/photogallery/microserveces08/ >> Face-swap application << Lovers of photoshop challenges held by our down-market competitors will be familiar with the head-swap - i.e. take a photo of Jordan and Peter Andre and swap their faces. Now, thanks to patented internet magic, you too can produce such heady visual extravaganza without any basic photoshop skills. What next? A web app to add purple cocks and fluffy kittens? http://www.hairmixer.com/ >> Over-enthusiastic toasting << In what 'Pub Monthly' is calling "action shot of the year", comes this fortuitously-timed snap of a beer glass smashing into pieces as a result of drunken exuberance. http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne >> Headless graffiti << Renegade artist The Decapitator removes the heads from models used in advertising posters, replacing them with ghastly, gory stumps. This pisses on Banksy. We say give the man a Turner Prize. Or a lollipop. http://www.flickr.com/photos/the_decapitator/ >> Wheelchair with tank tracks << Stephen Hawking! Worried you go off-road without your wheelchair getting bogged down in muck? Help is at hand with the tank chair. No reasons for scrounging cripples not to do their best for Queen and Country now. http://www.tankchair.com/default.htm ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Kitten attacks camera One of the many endearing things about kittens is the immense differential between their ambitions and their actual ability to hurt things. This poor little mite probably wound up with a bruised nose, but it does look spectacular on a bigger screen. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Prepare_to_die ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> We *heart* Celine Dion << Who knew that cheesy torch-song merchant Celine was so mental - and so amusing. Not sure whether we're laughing with her or at her, but you can't help but smile at this collection of her finest moments. And like Tesla, she also conducts lightning. http://uk.youtube.com/watch >> Props to David Lynch << There's no doubt the iPhone is this year's techie status symbol - but respect to the director of such cinematic classics as Mulholland Drive for daring to remove the Emperor's new clothes and asking why anyone in their right mind would want to watch a two-hour movie on a screen the size of a tin of pilchards. http://www.b3ta.com/links/David_lynchs_take_on_wat... >> Technical tricks behind the vids << One of the joys of watching web virals is, once you've established they are fake, trying to work out how the trickery was done. Nice overview on some of the dark arts here. http://www.youtube.com/profile >> Paper plane longest flight << Once we dropped a paper plane from a ski-lift in Bulgaria, 100s of feet in the air and we watched it spiral downwards for a good 5 minutes, transfixed in a small gay moment of wonder, like the plastic bag scene in American Beauty. Nice to see something similar captured here. http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/01/01 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Movie Letter Switch Last week we challenged you to switch a letter from a movie title and show us the poster. Your favourites included: * LOLTERGEIST - internet meme clashes with classic horror to devastating effect (pineapplecharm) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7914510 * RAVING PRIVATE RYAN - get your glo-sticks out, we've some bangin' anthems from the Normandy Massive (HappyToast) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7925173 * GOOD MOANING VIETNAM - the sequel to Robin Williams' 'Nam classic wasn't quite as well-received in America (The amazing monkey boy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7916427 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/movieletterswitch/ >> New challenge: Crabs! << It's another of b3ta's occasional one-word challenges: feel free to do whatever the hell you like, as long as it's tied together by our chosen theme - CRABS! (challenge suggested by McBadger) http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/crabs/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * TEASING THE CAT WITH A HELICOPTER "may sound like fun," warns James Mac. "But I pestered the dog with a remote-control plane, flying it over her head and thinking I was really clever. Until she jumped up, grabbed it and shook it in her mouth to 'kill' it. It did not survive." * THE RUSSIAN NON-PHOTOSHOP SITE that we featured a wee while back is called pizdaus.com. B3tard Feanor writes to tell us that, according to no less an authority than his new room-mate, the word 'pizdaus' is actually Russian for 'cunt'. Charming! * EARLY 90s SPAM - Thanks to the ever-fragrant chthonic for this lovely picture of some early 90s spam. It was a more innocent time, wasn't it? http://www.flickr.com/photos/chthonic/2175165703/ ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * HOME SURVIVALIST - stop leaving the house, we mean NOW, right this instant, how long could you survive using only the items in your home. And no cheating and phoning Tesco for some pies. * HOW TO PLAN A MASS MURDER WITHOUT GUNS - after reading 'We Need To Talk About Kevin' we've recently been considering mass murder, but are a bit constrained by the unavailability of guns in the UK. Don't email in unless you've got a fool-proof plan - "drive a bus into a crowd" or "blow up a gas main" isn't really what we're after. * BICYCLE BELL ORCHESTRA - recently in a bike shop we noticed the bells were tuned to different notes. We briefly imagined a whole bike team playing say Queens I Want To Ride My Bicycle, preferably by naked ladies. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by John_Anon_Prince, Spunky 'Spinky Bickpick' Backpack, MrGomez, Gratch, SleeplessAndy. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subject-line via The Great Architect. Yays to b4ta. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Poaching eggs - since writing our "how to poach an egg" feature over two years ago, we've received emails on the subject literally on a daily basis. Here's the first one that is actually worth sharing with you lot. ChowhoundTV writes, "Spray a small custard cup with olive oil, crack the egg into it, microwave on high for 45 seconds, slide the cooked egg out onto a crunchy piece of toast or English muffin." ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA: What does a ginger miss most about parties? The invitation. (And the sadness it brings your fearless red-haired leader, to reprint this joke.) http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive