we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "WANTED: NEW PRESENTER FOR CHILDREN'S TV SERIES. MUST LIKE GETTING HANDS DIRTY" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUESTION - We *heart* pound shops * VIDEO - Cat Vs Scalextric * BLIMEY - Drunken dad dancing ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're spiking Britney's ___/ _ |/_ > Drunken dad dancing << "My parents came home drunk," beams peakofphysicalfitness, "So I figured hey, I'll film them!" They're having a little boogie to some seventies tune and it made us smile. Apparently his dad is a subscriber so if he's watching - hellooo! http://www.b3ta.com/links/146537 >> Grey bloke on internet dating << Madridiot's low-key hero gives his thoughts on romances with racists. Like the little KKK blokes holding hands - sweet! http://www.youtube.com/watch >> "I am Benazir Bhutto's son" << A shocking confession via email from Tonay. "I made a facebook account pretending to be Benazir Bhutto's son, Bilawal. I filled my profile up with lots of quotes from Buffy and The West Wing, and wrote a statement answering 'my' critics. The world's media swallowed it up!" We're genuinely appalled by this, what with the poor woman only just dead, but it is quite interesting. Peculiar that people would treat facebook as a credible source of information but hey. First link is a news story exposing him, while the second is his own account of events. http://snipurl.com/timescunts http://www.consolecity.com/forum/showthread.php ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Dumb stuff you've done We held our question open for two weeks due to Christmas rubbish, but thankfully we set a good question. After a flurry of editorial mails we theorised that the best QOTW stuff is always about people confessing their own stupidity, so we thought we'd just ask this directly. Jobs a good 'un. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/dumbthings/ * 'I LOST MY PHONE' MORON "One night I was being dropped off at home by a few mates after quite a heavy night drinking. After fumbling around for my keys, I realised that my phone wasn't in the pocket where I usually keep it. Hoping that I'd left it in the car, as opposed to losing it in the pub, I quickly rang my friends who were at that very minute speeding away. The conversation went something like: "Hi." "Hi, have I left my phone in the car, cos I don't have it?" "What are you speaking to me on?" "Shit," (Furness ) * IDIOT SHOE TWAT "When I was 14 I had a pair of Doc Martin steel toe-capped boots. I didn't like the yellow thread on the bottom so spent ages cutting it off. It turns out that yellow thread isn't just there for decoration, it holds the sole on." (fatcock ) * BUNGEE PILLOCK "As a nipper I saw a program on bungee jumping and decided that this was the thing for me. Sadly lacking in things of a bungee-like quality I got a rope, (old hemp-type, sod-all elasticity), tied it around one ankle, the other end to the top of the climbing frame and jumped off. I hit the ground very hard with one leg suspended about a foot above the dirt." >> New question: cheap tat << Who doesn't love pound shops? Recently we bought a hammer for £1 and used it to open a coconut - so far the head hasn't fallen off but we know it's only a matter of time. Tell us your experiences so we for our voyeuristic giggles. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/cheaptat/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Chris Morris on 9/11 << Dull old comedy geeks like us are sad that Chris Morris doesn't produce the volume of work he once did, but this audio DVD extra from The Day Today hints at how good he could be if he could be arsed to comment on contemporary events. Here's looking forward to his rumoured (by a bloke we were chatting to in the pub) Paedophile Terrorists movie. http://b3ta.com/links/The_Day_Today_September_11th >> Boy, this guy really hates horses! << "Look, this is a website about horses and how much we hate them," writes meglos, "They are gross and stupid and disgusting and smell like shit. There are flies all over them and they make dumb noises. HORSES ARE TERRIBLE!!!" http://horsehater.blogspot.com/ >> Image Challenge with a difference << The Soviets are so poor that they have to have photoshop competitions without Photoshop or computers. Brilliant - we really should steal this idea for B3ta. http://englishrussia.com/ >> Navy viral bollocks << "Just thought you might want to know that the send a message thing from the British Navy at doesn't filter rude words very well," informs Naich. "While you can't tell someone to fuck off, you can say (as an example), 'ram it up your arse fuckstick'. I now have several friends who are wondering why the Navy is insulting them." http://www.getthemessage.net/ >> Worst chav cars << Popular on our links board this week is this list of "31 awful chavved-up cars." A truly awful vision of life in the provinces. http://www.barryboys.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php >> Tower pixel art << This isn't the first or even the last pixel art tower community project, but the tip of the tower really works for us. http://www.goontower.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Rescued kittens Fluffy cat babies saved from horror by professional photographer Kyle Cassidy. The shots are all very nice, but as seasoned connoisseurs of the cute, we feel he missed a trick by not making more of the cast on that poor wee mite's little leg. Nonetheless, this is probably the fluffiest thing you will see all day. http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/374977.html ------------------------------------------------- : BONUS SPONSORED LINKY Lady readers, don't click this Like shooting? Like girls? Play this wet t-shirt game and get them titties wet! http://snipr.com/mobclub_wet_tshirt ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> Turkish Star Trek << It's not entirely coherent, nor is it definitely genuine, but who can resist sci-fi made in the seventies for foreign-language TV and no special effects budget. The 'transporter effect' is particularly fine. http://www.b3ta.com/links/146235 >> Using a Wii for Virtual Reality << Very geeky, but also very cool. Personable nerd explains how to use the remote from a Nintendo Wii to track the position of your head and adjust monitor display accordingly. The 3D effect is extremely impressive. However, we're not sure how tongue-in-cheek the guy is when he rejects a baseball cap-mounted remote as 'goofy' and instead plumps for some modified safety goggles with beams at the sides. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Scalextric v kitten << The inevitable consequence of possessing both pets and small, fast-moving toys. Then it gets a little strange. This is so slick that we were half afraid it was some sort of viral marketing for either racing cars or interfering cats. Very much recommend you check out some of the same guy's other vids. http://b3ta.com/links/Cat_Vs_Scalextric >> Modern-day Trojan Horse << Just how stupid did the ancients have to be, to allow a wooden statue chock-full of Greeks to be parked in their city overnight. And yet... have we learned anything at all from history? An enterprising crew of blokes sets off with a horse of their own, to find out. http://snipurl.com/trojancunts ------------------------------------------------- : GOATSE OF THE WEEK Walking with goatse Extremely strange shock-site reference at Impossible Pictures, the people who made Walking With Dinosaurs. Look at the way the interface loads up. Oh do say you see it too. It's not just us, is it? Is it? http://www.impossiblepictures.co.uk/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Extending Album Art Challenge We recently enjoyed the sleeve face Facebook group where people stuck LP covers in front of their heads and took a photo. Thinking that many of our readers wouldn't own any vinyl, we modified the idea to 'photoshop what lies beyond the crop', and quite frankly really enjoyed your entries. Our favourites included: * BEATLES DROP GERBIL - John Lennon once said, "the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth", and look, he was right! (Zak McFlimby) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7887244 * WEEN/PICARD HEAD NORKS - who knew that the lovely boobage displayed upon Ween's Chocolate & Cheese album was actually the Patrick Stewart's baldy bonce, and his twin brother, who really should have a mirror universe evil Spock beard. Damn, and we didn't find any space for our "To baldly go where no man has gone before" punnage. (mictoboy) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7901566 * GLITTER / NIRVANA - Very funny, but our inner pedantophile points out that Gary liked girls rather than boys, and don't most child enthusiasts bait with puppies rather than money? But as Futurama co-creator David X Cohen says, "Reality should not stand in the way of comedy." http://www.b3ta.com/board/7887079 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/album_art/ >> New challenge: Movie letter switch << Take a movie title and change one letter. Eg. The Codfather, The Lard of the Rings, or maybe It's a Wonderful Lime. Make the poster and show us your work. (Thanks to Aphex The Mink for the suggestion.) http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/movieletterswitch/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Time-travelling cursors This game records your cursor movements as you run through a maze and you wind up collaborating with past versions of yourself in order to get past obstacles. A bit tricky at first but what a clever idea! http://www.nekogames.jp/mt/2008/01/cursor10.html ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * DEGREES OF ROCK - Sverre writes, "I'd like to see a Bacon Oracle for music. George Harrison was in The Beatles with Lennon who shagged Yoko who inspired some shit band who warmed up for Arcade Fire." http://oracleofbacon.org/ * KEVIN GREENING SIMULATOR - a game where you neck loads of pills whilst indulging in gay S&M sex whilst attempting to avoid a heart attack. Not a game you can win we imagine. Poor Kevin. * KITTEN VS HELICOPTER - we got one of those £20 remote control helicopters for Christmas and if our cat wasn't so old and fat we're pretty sure we could make an amusing video. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subj line by The Great Architect. Other stuff from Veitch, Hairy Twatter, Fishgoth, Clan Soul, Captain Skippy, krang and art of work. ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Guinness drinkers! Does it hurt to shit? And is it messy? Wipe your arsehole with baby oil before taking a dump. It'll just slide out and only needs a single wipe. (Mr. Squemish Beamish) ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA: A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day when they see a pair of angelic-looking 12-year-old boys playing football in the park. The priest turns to the rabbi, nudges him in the ribs and says, "I tell you what, let's go and screw those boys." The rabbi looks at him curiously and answers, "Out of what?" http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive