we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "IN UR TEMPL FRAGG1N UR MUNX" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * QUESTION - Confess your dirty trade-secrets * GAME - Alphabet clicky woo * TORIES - MP spunking cock coin ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Tory MP spunking cock coin << "So, some Tory MP nicked one of the images off my website but left me hosting it," explains NaNeil. "So I decided to have a chuckle." Basically, he subtly edited a crudely-drawn cock onto the face of the coin. And it took them ages to notice! If you're able to, check out some of the comments left on the MP's page by passing internet punsters. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/09/25/consrvativ... >> Don't catch the Z's! << Click on each of the letters to collect the alphabet as quickly as possible. But beware the deadly letter Z - get two of those and you're a goner. "I made this," bristles NoFruitsADay, "And I challenge anyone to beat my awesome score of 01:12:45." Seriously, we just tried it and that *is* an awesome score. It's fucking hard! http://www.lawriecape.co.uk/lettergame/ >> Hover bacon song << Joel, Jacqui and the Zook give us an insight into mealtimes Chez Veitch. It looks unsettling and it sounds terrifying, yet we found ourselves humming this song about levitating pork for most of the week. Yes, we really annoyed the crap out of everyone. http://www.rathergood.com/bacon/ >> Swedish gameshow: Make Me Puke << This clip of an unfortunate vomiting on live TV has been doing the rounds recently. Tarka the Frotter has swiftly edited it down and blown on it with his magical comedy breath. http://www.b3ta.com/links/New_Swedish_Game_Show_Ma... ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade Recently the TV world has been rocked by a series of 'omg they make stuff up' scandals, so we were wondering what are the secrets of your trade that would make the world go 'gosh'? BTW: Here's some TV stuff we already know about: * A 'friend' was once asked to phone up Nigella Lawson live on her show, and pretended to be a woman in love with her married boss for a phone-in. * A 'friend' once did some work for the office that made Country File. A couple of the producers / directors had nice 4x4s on the promise they'd get them in shot as much as possible. * A 'friend' once met DJ Nicky Campbell and asked him about his "I can predict your star sign thing", he said that the cunning trick was to get the researcher to ask the punter before they came on air. Anyway, it's shaping up to be a classic question so get stuck in. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/dirtysecrets/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Perspective tricks << Kate Bush once sang, "I'm Cloud-busting Daddy" and who knew she wasn't singing about Jack Bauer's dad manipulating streams of "cosmic orgone energy" to cause rain, but actually foreshadowing these 'squishing clouds by pinching' trick photos. http://www.flickr.com/photos/h19/sets/721575941825... >> David Hasselhoff is a PDF file << Stuck for a make-and-do? Print out this printy thing and make your own two dimensional Hoff-doll. It's in Kitt form. Ho ho. http://www.artforrobots.com/_images/cartoon/Poseab... >> Museum of Bad Art << Our favourite ever online bad art was a pencil rendering of American R&B vocal quartet, En Vogue, dressed in leather with their not inconsiderable penises hanging out of their trousers. Sadly not contained in this otherwise great collection of the art of the truly talentless, but it does have an old lady skipping though some flowers which lifted our hearts. http://www.museumofbadart.org/ >> The Land of the Rising Pun << We only know one word of Japanese: Yatta, and it means, "I did it!" which is always useful when dining in a Japanese restaurant and someone asks 'who farted?'. Looks like the Orientals are learning nearly as useful phrases in English. http://www.pizdaus.com/pics/PT6Wk1j2VNc8.jpg >> Optimus Prime Cut Chicken << Meticulous pictorial document of a Chinese boy's construction of the Transformer "Bumblebee" from KFC boxes. We imagine it smells. http://snipurl.com/unluckyfriedkitten >> Simpsons nerds << Every film reference in the Simpsons catalogued with photos of the movies they came from. Now, who can be arsed to do the same with Spaced? http://snipurl.com/ojdidit ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Monkey love pigeon An abandoned baby macaque finds a new lease of life with his avian buddy. We warn you, this candid pic is so eye-wateringly heart-warming that it should come with some sort of diabetic health warning. http://snipurl.com/dailymailarecunts ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Youtube pre-rolling ads? Suicidal surely >> Triple-necked guitar prat << Steve Vai was introduced to axe-anoraks with his talking, wooden penis-substitute on David Lee Roth's largely enjoyable Eat 'Em and Smile. Largely ignored by music fans, he produces output enjoyed more for its technique than melody. So how amusing to take footage of him showing his chops and dubbing some badly-played crap over it. Lovingly done. http://b3ta.com/links/Steve_Vai_Re_Dubbed_to_sound... >> Nerdy white boy rap genius << Sometimes we spot a talent on the internet and wish we could buy shares in their future. This kid is going to be big. http://b3ta.com/links/Bo_Burnhams_new_one >> Rammstein Oompa band << Another dubbing gag, but these monsters of krautrock are enjoyably undermined with the true feel of a German beer festival. Close your eyes and think of sausages. As we said to the missus last night. http://b3ta.com/links/Rammstein_translated_into_Ge... >> Kids TV Bukkake << Standards are truly slipping on children's television, not only has Blue Peter put down its pets for health and safety reasons (Biddy Baxter sits in the gallery pulling fishing line on the necrosing kittens), but Big Cook Little Cock is dripping with ejaculate references. Case in point: http://b3ta.com/links/You_want_kids_TV_filth >> Emo Lego << "This really needs a wider audience," commands Eatmeat. Ok then, here you go, watch this enjoyable song about a small Lego man who turns emo and his mates take the piss. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Lowest common denominator - and still sinking! * DICK TINGLE - Sports correspondent for the Hull & East Riding Mail. Probably was never, ever teased in the school changing-rooms. (He's about 3/4 down the page btw) http://snipurl.com/dicktingle ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Winehouse Challenge Last week we wanted to you to get to grips with our Amy. Your favourites included: * HAIR - A rarity at b3ta, as a proper bit of art walks away with the plaudits (I was penalized for that) * WOBBLE - Poor Amy, off her gourd and struggling to walk. A role model for us all (HappyToast) * ANUS - It's a Wine House, geddit? (The Neville) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/amy_winehouse/ >> New challenge: Ninja Weapons << It's a well known fact that ninjas can use anything as a weapon. So pick an object and show us the ingenious way it might be used in battle. Image suggested by Afinkawan. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/ninja/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. PHONE CHARGERS - Cheers to VampireMonkeyOnSpeed who points out that the mobile phone industry has scrambled to obey ginger fuhrer Rob's curt command for a single kind of charger that works on every handset. "Now if you could maybe do something about world peace..." he mutters. http://snipurl.com/1rd3z ------------------------------------------------- : TV ADVOCACY Boondocks Burglars robbed our TV a few months back, and we haven't replaced it, choosing instead to free ourselves from leaving the TV on in the background and instead only watching downloads. It's improved our life immeasurably, as we have more time to read and only watch the shows we really want to. Including the brilliant Boondocks - an Afro-American South Park, where Samuel Jackson plays a 30-year-old wigger. Genius. Linky goes to wikipedia, but the show is widely available on the piracy method of your choice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boondocks ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * HARD CHALLENGE - JenBoldacre writes, "I reckon I can stay hard for four hours with no knob drugs, as long as I have a sufficiently gigantic arc of porn." Can you beat him? With your cock? * FACEBOOK PEOPLE SHARES - You know those stock exchange games where you buy and sell pop groups or Hollywood people? Do it with real people and trade in your friends. * MEAT SCULPTURE - Buy loads of spam, carve it into the shape of a vagina, that kind of thing. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was 'written' by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Jahled, saladin zero, AndMcC, hahn, thefoggypoo and PenguinsMadeMeDoIt Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subject line by collapsibletank. Jam tomorrow to b4ta. (trout-eyes) ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA NOW ON FASTER SERVER: I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today. When I said I was feeling suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane. http://www.sickipedia.org/profile/eatmeat next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive