we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "MADDIE OR CHIPS?" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * ROY WALKER - Secret KKK shame * CAKE - Just like a Tardis * CHAIRS - That look like cocks. As usual ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want our link love? Then speak to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK KKK, Bananas and Cake >> KKK Catchphrase << "I've uncovered disturbing evidence," bleats Dr.A, "That the old TV game show Catchphrase may have been a front for the Ku Klux Klan. Pics here:" Looks convincing to us. http://snipurl.com/gitphrase >> Suicide bananas << Clearly the fruit bowl of a goth - kdsglass has let these unfortunate nanas turn black and hang themselves. Strange fruit indeed! http://www.flickr.com/photos/kdsglass/946053305/ >> Tardis cake << "Thanks for the mention of my birthday in the little bit at the bottom of last week's newsletter," beams Briony. "The other high light of my birthday was making my TARDIS cake, shame I can't post a piece to you." The cake is all well and good, but it's the slightly gratuitous shot of her in a little black dress we liked. http://niroby.livejournal.com/24262.html#cutid1 ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Council Cunts Last week we got all excited about a record titled "Hackney Council Are A Bunch Of Cunts". 'Acidtrash' emailed us to say that it's an acid techno tune on Stay Up Forever, so called because Hackney confiscated their soundsystem. The poor widdle mites: http://b3ta.com/questions/councilcunts/ Frankly most of your rants are far too long and complex to even quote here, so here's some funnies: * "It could be worse. Yes, the council are ill educated, unadulterated poo-pants but do you know what happens to the plebs who are just too fuckstick thick to work for the council? They all work for Virgin Media. And not as waste-paper baskets like you'd imagine, but actually OPERATING THE PHONELINES! It's true! Jesus-H-God-Bastard-Christ-on-a-bike!" (pooflake) * "If you're ever looking for a job, try Social Services. They're always after staff as they have the highest long-term sick and highest resignation rate of all Local Government employees. I can remember one conversation I had with a Social Worker who was having trouble with her computer. They used a database called "CareFirst". Social Worker: "There's something wrong with CareFirst. I can log on OK and I can get into 'Families' but I just can't get into 'Relationships'". Me: "Neither can I - I'm scared of commitment." She fell off her chair laughing. Poor souls - they don't get many giggles in their job." (Legless) * "On the back of a bus this morning, in Torquay. Sex education poster from Torbay Council, which says: 'Do you need help talking about relationships and sex with your children?' Hmm, no, but I AM tempted to offer my services as a proof reader." (inflateable) >> This Week's Question << We know you've tried to suppress the memories of family holidays, but you'll only have to read the first few entries already posted for it all to come flooding back. Tell us about Aunty Gladys's smelly feet here: http://b3ta.com/questions/familyholidays/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Mutated fruit pics << What is this? Fucking That's Life? We're not Esther Rantzen. Fuck off. http://uliwestphal.110mb.com/mutatocollection/ >> Racist toothpaste << If you wanted to suggest your new toothpaste made teeth pearly white, would you cover it in drawings of black men and call the product 'Darkie'. You would? Then you, good sir, would have made a great advertising copyrighter in less enlightened times. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darlie_Toothpaste >> Penis chairs << In our unending pursuit of 'things that look a bit like cocks' comes this Nathan Barley office chair made from three basket balls and some wood. Coming soon to an ad agency office near you. BTW: They're missing an ad slogan: "Looks like a cock - ideal for wankers." http://snipurl.com/penis_chairs >> Porn addict forum << B3tards! We know you love a good wank, but have you ever considered giving up? Here's a messageboard to help. Sample post: "I was so depressed. I had flushed 7 days of work down my penis. and now this morning I didn't even bother to try and I jacked off again at 8.09." http://snipurl.com/pron_addict ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Youtube, fashionable before Facebook >> 20 Questions << Several years ago we went to a party held by Firebox - the people who sell electronic tat on the web - and we stole one of those 20 Question Balls that do the 'animal, vegetable, mineral' quiz. It was shit and we threw it in a bush. Shame it never occurred to us to play the game with the word 'penis'. http://spikedhumor.com/articles/118237/20_Question... >> Super Columbine Massacre RPG << 'Should violent video games be made illegal?' asks this short clip. The humour comes from the gap between the 'omg this is is outrageous' v/o and the frankly shit graphics. http://video.google.com/videoplay >> MC Spazzmatazz << Galia Durant has emailed us with the comment, "LLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK it's a spastic making hip hop." Her words, not ours. BTW: We've just googled her name to see if we've got the gender right, and she appears to be in a 'toytronica' band called Psapp. Which is nice. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Justin Timberlake's dick. In a box. << We must be asleep at the wheel as this video has reached over 25 million views without us seeing it. Still, now that we have seen it, we're moderately happy. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Stab us in the man-cunt with pork chops Submissions this week included * The election of the Turkish MP, Mr. Ufuk Uras * A Thailand open-source software festival creating the acronym 'tossfest'. * And the classic 'Essex gag', this week's variation being westsussextourists.org.uk Thanks to stuarth, Obz and rwadey for that. ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Monument Challenge Last week we wanted new uses for old monuments. For our money the best images all involved games: * Stone Henge as a super casino (Happytoast and 'cockgate') http://www.b3ta.com/board/7443644 * Tower Bridge as a HUGE pinball machine (Paper 'n Pencil) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7442483 * Easter Island as table football (c_kick) http://www.b3ta.com/board/7444682 All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/pyramids/ >> New challenge: Safety last << This week we'd like you to make safe things dangerous. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/danger/ ------------------------------------------------- : MENTAL EMAIL OF THE WEEK? Harry Potter Grot pp_lynch writes - "Lying in my pit suffering from a bout of food poisoning my delirious mind produced some very disturbing ideas about Harry Potter. * Would you use Polyjuice potion to swap roles with your partner and what would you do with your wand? * Would you use Polyjuice potion to become the object of your sex interest and then what would you do? * What about Tonks's ability to change shape - what do her and Lupin get up to? (Those two would give a new meaning to Doggy Style.) * Would you use the enlargement spell on your cock / tits / both?" ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include... actually, sod it, here's some technological pet-peeves instead: * WHY THE FUCK HAVE NOKIA CHANGED THEIR CHARGER? They now use a smaller jack, thereby destroying the great advantage they had in the market place: every office had a spare charger. Fuckwits. * eBOOK READERS - Ok Sony, your device isn't bad, but if you advertise it as being able to read PDFs then make sure that it doesn't make the fonts so small as to be useless. * MAC REMOTE CONTROLS - very nice idea Mr Jobs, but surely you could have build a little drawer into the laptop so we had somewhere to store them? Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by clumsyeloquence, hahn, RussInLondon, That girl who dates "Or Is It?", griffin, mr. peter. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Donkey punch to b4ta. Subject line from DogHorse. http://www.b3ta.com/board/7473927 ------------------------------------------------- SICKIPEDIA: I had my dreams crushed yesterday. It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy. http://www.sickipedia.org/ next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive