we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "GET YOUR COCK OUT, IT'S FRIDAY" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * MUSIC - Free (although not legal) MP3s for all * GAME - Rotatey Flickr thingie * WEEBL - Jonti rags on gingers ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Want this space? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Spoofs, searchers, tape art and pic tiles >> CSI: Pie Ami << Weebl and Bob are back and spoofing the runtiest twig of the mighty CSI oak. Yeah, you'll probably have to have seen CSI: Miami to get it. Great opening credit sequence though. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/CSI/ >> Instant music search << "Fuck a duck," says cr3, "I've made the best even better." And indeed he has, making marked improvements to his free internet music searchers. Now you can see the results as they come in and preview as and when you want. Here's a search for some KLF: http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/site/music-plus/ind... >> Big Tape Art << "I seem to have created art!" ejaculates jrfstancer, "Artwork which only appeals to programmers and web monkeys. I'm having problems connecting to my target audience. Where are all those ZX spectrum fans who like to buy original artwork?" Perhaps reading this very newsletter, you never know. Incidentally, just to be clear, these are really big pictures of tapes. Not actual tapes with games on as that would be piracy. And piracy ain't cool, kids. http://www.jodiandjody.co.uk/ >> Rotating tile random pic << This is flipping awesome - if you'll pardon the pun - the game grabs a photo from flickr then scrambles it up. You have to rotate it to make sense once again - if you can before the time runs out. Nice one, Philipp Lenssen! http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/game/rotate/ ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Strict Parents Last week we asked for the loopy things that your parents had told you not to do: http://b3ta.com/questions/strictparents/ Here are three things that have been banned for all the wrong reasons: * DRUGS. WELL, SORT OF. "Not my parents, who have among other things baby-sat for Ozzy Osbourne. Mrs Spoon's on the other hand: her parents used to be strict Catholics - as in Mother was a nun and Father was a trainee priest. As she was growing up there were numerous acts of parental lunacy but this one wins. They were ridiculously over-paranoid about drugs - even the slightest mention and they'd flip out. So, one day her mother is in my missus' bedroom and finds a wrapped up foil thing. She goes fucking apeshit. But not in front of my missus: no, she has to be sure first, so off she goes to best mate's house to consult with other parents. As no-one can identify the contents of the mysterious foil, but it smells kind of sweet... A whole week later, having had no luck with parents, her mother heads over to see the doctor, foil wrap in hand. The doctor has a look, takes a scraping from the edge of this stuff, has a sniff - same slightly sweet smell, a little bit like strawberries. He's not really sure what the kids are into these days. Best to open the thing up and see if there's a better sample anywhere. As the doctor opens up this tinfoil flower, rather familiar looking words appear: Petit Filous. Strawberry Flavour." (Sonic Spoon) * SCATTER CUSHIONS "Being much younger than my brothers (they all left home when I was 5) meant that I had to play on my own. One day when I was about 7, I was pretending to be a cat, creeping around the house, stalking imaginary prey. I finally pounced, killed and ate my imaginary rat (i.e. jumped on and wrestled with a cushion then stuffed it under my jumper). I then went to sit in front of the electric fire for a sleep (still in cat-mode). My mother came in to the lounge, saw me lying on the floor and went ballistic. Shaking all over; her red face inches from mine, "You're pretending to have a baby aren't you. You're giving birth aren't you. Give me that cushion; give me that cushion; don't you dare play this again. You are not having cushions again." *slap* Despite protesting that I was pretending to be a cat. I was not allowed near a cushion for a long, long time." (pottybeaver) * JOKERS "My Dad was convinced that the Joker in a deck of cards was in some way evil, and he would burn them. Until, that is, the otherwise uneventful Christmas when, demonstrating his belief, he inadvertently set fire to his beard." (Borusa's Weetabix) >> This Week's Question << We'd like your experiences of cross dressing. Relax your gender stereotypes here: http://b3ta.com/questions/crossdressing/ ------------------------------------------------- : SPONSORED LINK Goodbye Cellulite Girls! Is cellulite making your life a dimply misery? The trick is to love your big butt - and whack some Nivea cream all over it. http://snipurl.com/GoodbyeCellulite ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Jet from Gladiator << Wankers of a certain age will remember Jet from Gladiator, specifically how enjoyable it was to see her lycra-clad arse every Saturday afternoon. She's now working as a psychotherapist, complete with photos of herself in a state of undress as the page background. Classy. We're betting she'll be signed up by some reality TV show within a year. http://www.dianeyoudale.co.uk/products_services.ht... >> Shit CGI News reader << Before Ananova was the number 1 news destination for stories about farting donkeys, it used to feature a disembodied head reading the news in a robot voice. It was crap. Good to see that the newspapers in Norfolk are keeping up with late 90s technology. (Thanks Ashen) http://www.newsfastuk.info >> Great URL, niche service << Has your Action Man's hair lost its lustre? Help is at hand. http://www.flocktastic-hair.com/ >> Neat music mixer << Always happy to see incremental advances in interface ideas for using computers to make music. Expect to see mixers working like this small flash application in your favourite sound editor soon. Fun too. http://www.datadreamer.com/2daudio/projecttwo.html >> Hello my future girlfriend << Long term meme-watchers will remember the old webpage with the creepy boy who was looking for a sex partner. He's now an adult, read his rather interesting interview here. http://www.trendpediawiki.com/Hello_My_Future_Girl... >> Duck cocks << Your Ginger Fuhrer visiting the Kentish Town City Farm the other day and was rather amused to watch a randy duck attempt to rape a lady duck. Mrs Duck was hanging none of it, and nipped Mr Duck in the groin, twanging his penis a good couple of inches from his body. Sadly we weren't able to catch this on video (so a billion views on YouTube isn't ours), but we did find this news story pointing out that ducks have exceptionally large penises. Who would have thought it? http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/enviro/EnviroRe... >> Endless social networking sites << Another week, another website launched for us to share our media and infringe copyright. This weeks top choice is Scribd, with the seemingly uncompelling idea of sharing Word docs and PDFs. We're linking it as we uploaded the Sick Joke Book and were rather amused by the option to have it read out by a robot voice. Hearing jokes about Harold Shipman rendered so dryly amuses us. Your mileage may vary. http://www.scribd.com/doc/11010/B3ta-Bumper-Book-O... >> South Park interview << Enjoyable interview with Parker and Stone, the creators of South Park, covering their laissez-faire attitudes to people sharing their show online and mentioning The Simpsons writers' reaction to their (quite fair) mocking of The Family Guy. http://www.reason.com/news/show/116787.html >> Cyber stalking << Great article about using the web to hunt down a bloke posting threatening letters to students. http://www.advocate.com/currentstory1_w.asp ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO >> French beatboxing << What appears to be a hopeful from the French version of Pop Idol engaging in a phenomenally-skilled bit of vocal gymnastics to wow the judges. Can't see it crossing over into any kind of mainstream pop career but who knows with the French, eh? They're unpredictable. http://www.youtube.com/watch >> Distinctive laugh << People with distinctive laughs are great, as you can pick and choose whether you're laughing with them or at them. Here's a girl, who actually sounds like she's laughing backwards, chortling over that 'Dad at Comedy Barn' clip that was doing the rounds a little while back. The humour in that? The guy's deeply weird but infectious laugh. Anyway, lovely stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Chicken cock Ok, this isn't actually a funny name but we can no longer tell the difference between people with silly nomenclature, and photos of things that look like cocks. Mountainloz scribes, "this is a crudely manufactured cock that i found in a pack of tesco healthy options mini chicken fillets that i was getting for my sandwiches, what do you reckon, naturally that shape or was someone having a laugh? It was tasty anyway." http://www.b3ta.com/board/6970773 ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Kid's TV Challenge Last week we wanted you to subvert kid's telly. So you did. Your favourites included: * JURASSIC PARK - Flee in terror as Barney goes on the rampage (Polygraphic) * BUTTON MOON - Mr. Spoon regrets an offer from NASA to use the Space Shuttle Challenger (rogan) * MIFFY - In which Miffy encounters a stiffy (Custard) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/kids_tv/ >> New challenge: Real Life Board Games << What happens when board game play occurs in real-life surroundings? Colonel Mustard in a police line-up, anyone? Crank up Photoshop and get juxtaposing. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/board_games/ >> Your challenge ideas << We want your image challenge ideas. Then we want you to vote on the challenges suggested by other people. It's easy. http://www.b3ta.com/questions/imagechallenge/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * GODTUBE - Last week we asked you to upload god bothering videos to Jesus's own version of YouTube. Psythor writes, "I did, and I got banned." Watch them here if you like. http://jamesomalley.co.uk/blog/ * NEW BERTIE BASSETT OUTRAGE - thehotpie takes time out of his clearly busy schedule to complain, "They've changed Bertie Bassett to be an all liquorice thing now, instead of a blue goo, black liquorice sandwich. I am disgusted! I complained and they replied, 'The Bertie unit has been altered from a blue unit to a black unit, and is now a liquorice sweet and not aniseed, as it was previously. Market research has led us to adapt the recipe for this unit to appeal to a larger market.'" * KITES IN SPACE - the_mad_major screams, "We - as in the military - routinely use very large kites, wingspans in excess of 28 feet, in order to conduct surveillance operations. I believe the current World Record is something like 13,600 feet by some punter in Japan." * GOOGLE WALKER - we asked for a site to help us plan travelling by foot, Silverfin informs, "Not necessary for Londoners, as there is the excellent walkit.com. Apparently they have plans to expand and include other places at some point." Woo, this is truly fantastic and we can't wait to put it to use. http://www.walkit.com/ ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME Binary Game Girls! Unlike the sponsored link for Nivea butt cream, this link isn't for you. It's for boys, very geeky boys who like nerding out on binary. We found it quite satisfying as it made us feel clever. http://forums.cisco.com/CertCom/game/binary_game_p... ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd REALLY like to see include * MELTING DOWN MONEY - pub chat reaches us that the metal contained in a two pence piece is actually worth more like three pee. Can someone melt about £10 worth, and attempt to flog them on eBay for £15. Yes it's illegal, but fuck it, it would make an interesting little story. * DR L33T - rework Gloria Estefan's dancefloor classic for the nerdster 2.0 generation. Preferably with Gloria doing a sex dance round some bearded teenager installing uBuntu on his Macbook. * AUTO-BUKRA PORNOTRON - enjoyed this nerdly link that uses magic space age technology to recognise faces in photos and replace them with another image. Can someone hack it up to add burqas to pr0n stars? Cheers. http://thelaughingman.net/ * CONSERVAPEDIA HACKS - joederville asks, "Further to GodTube, why don't we all write bogus articles for Conservapedia? I've already claimed that Simon Pegg is a Mormon and that a right-wing US journalist has been denounced as a witch in Cornwall." FYI: Conservapedia is Wikipedia-style site filled with creationism and nonsense of that ilk. And they're threatening court action to anyone behaving like this. Oops. http://www.conservapedia.com/ Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Top Tippery by mutster101. Blame giantrobot for the subject line. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Yays to b4ta. This weeks secret message is from Fraser Lewry who says, "Read this nice description of Slashdot users, which could be applied to many messageboards..." http://snipurl.com/secretlink ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Windscreen Wipers not doing the job? Doesn't mean you need new ones. Clean all the grease off with vinegar, they'll be good as new. Stick that, Halfords. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive