we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "RED NOSE DAY - ILLEGAL??"" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * VIDEO - Postman Pat, drug dealer * INVESTIGATION - Clothes tags * QUESTION - Picky eaters (worth a read) ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Go on, buy an ad. You know you want to. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Stuff, nonsense and bollocks >> Inky tag investigation << Before the web went all 2.0 mental, and before kids scrawled their names on buses, tagging meant the bits of round plastic that shops stuck on their clothes to stop pikeys teefing them. Mr Ports reports, "I recently had to remove an ink tag from a new jacket I bought because the till monkey forgot to take it off. Then I ripped it apart to see how it works." Surprisingly interesting stuff, if you're a little geeky. Or are thinking of shoplifting. http://snipurl.com/stinky_inky >> Drunk squirrel << "I've made a hopefully vaguely entertaining vid," whimpers Rusty Shackleford, "It contains cuteness, drunkenness and swearing - basically a dubbed version that drunk squirrel video that's currently doing the rounds." http://www.b3ta.com/links/Drunk_Squirrel_dubbed >> Red nose day - illegal? << Long term political nuisance Manic is attempting to spoil everyone's enjoyment of Red Nose Day by pointing out that by taking part you can get arrested. He might have a point, but our main complaint with Comic Relief is that it's not very entertaining. http://www.bloggerheads.com/red_nose_day/ >> End of the world animation << The other night we watched the mid 80s New Zealand film, The Quiet Earth, a minor classic in the post apocalyptic dystopia genre. We wonder if Mr Edd has been enjoying the same fiction as us. http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_World_of_Edd ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Picky Eaters What won't you eat? Why not? It's a wonder some of these people can function. Have they never gone hungry?: http://b3ta.com/questions/pickyeaters/ * HARDCORE PRAWN "I get really wound up sharing food and eating complicated food in public; I'm an only child; the word share isn't in my vocabulary. So imagine my delight when a boy asked me out for dinner. A date! That never happens! Oooh, yes please, I'd love to. We went for tapas. "It's okay, I'll get over the sharing thing," I thought, "I'll just order extra. Problem solved." And I did, it was fine, I coped admirably. One of the dishes was those big shell-on prawns. I panicked. I picked up a prawn and attempted to simultaneously work out to get into the little fucker and look coy and girly and coquettish (I'm aware, by the way, that there is nothing remotely sexy about trying to peel a prawn, but I was a bit piddly and let's just add it to the long list of reasons that I'm still single, okay?). I finally managed to snap its head off and was duly sprayed in the face with the green sludge that had been its last prawny meal. "That's the first time I've been the recipient of a prawn money shot," were the next words out of my mouth. My date looked at me, horrified. The couple on the next table choked on their patatas bravas. I called for the bill. I've never been near the business end of a prawn since." (Rakky) * I CAN EAT A RAINBOW "My mum's last next door neighbour wouldn't eat food that had visibly come out of the ground, so despite living in a rural farming community she drove 20 miles to Tesco to buy her veg washed, peeled and cut up for about a 500% mark up and a loss of flavour and nutritional value. She was mental tho, and had to colour sort sweets, then eat them in a specific order. At a pantomime last year, I took a green wine gum and pretended to eat it, then when I was offered one again a little later, I put back the green wine gum. She had eaten all the greens, and was now a colour or two down the list, and this errant wine gum caused enough upset for her to miss the second half. I'm glad my mum doesn't live next door to her anymore." (kaptinkurtz) * CHOOSE TEA "What's up with people who don't like tea? I don't understand it. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT CUPS OF TEA, I can't wake up properly and leave the house in the morning without a cup of tea, my bowels don't work before the first cup of tea, I would be dangerous without my tea. I have at least 2 cups of coffee at work throughout the morning, 2 cups of tea at lunchtime, more coffee in the afternoon and the first thing I do when I get home from work is put the kettle on. I wish pubs sold cups of tea. I LOVE tea. So when I meet people and they tell me they don't drink tea I have to fight the urge to grab them and shout "How do you do it? How do you get through the day? HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?" Edit - Reading what I have just written, I realise I sound like a smack addict." (Colonel Dracula) >> This Week's Question << Were your parents loopily strict? Did they ban you from things that any sane person can see wouldn't turn you into a slavering lunatic? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/strictparents/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Graffiti of the week << Beautiful bit of vandalism from a nameless but wonderfully opportunistic, wit. http://www.b3ta.com/board/6953947 >> Disgusting breakfast pics << We figure this pic of what your breakfast really consists of is actually some sort of vegan propaganda image but is is quite startling. Mind you, it did start us thinking about how tasty duck is. Mmm. Pancakes... http://www.heaven666.org/galleries/healthy_breakfa... >> Paris Hilton sex tape Wikipedia << We revere wikipedia as the sum of all human knowledge but was there really any need for a 'Plot' section in the entry for 'A Night in Paris'? Hilariously, it also bears a spoiler warning - who could have predicted that twist at the end? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1_Night_in_Paris >> Photo-manipulation through history << Mucking about with photos has a long and distinguished pedigree, from Stalin's purges to modern news publications prettying up compositions. Here's a brief selection. Shit layout though. http://blog.wired.com/wiredphotos54/ ------------------------------------------------- : NOKIA N800 (Sponsored link) Need more internets? Twitchy fingers when not connected? Get some boxed internet! Ready and on tap, take it with you anywhere with the Nokia internet tablet. Where do you think you could take it? http://snipurl.com/theinternetwalk ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO Lube / pube / noob Tube >> Sign language taken literally << If you've always wondered what the sign language accompaniment to the news was really saying, here's living legend Adam Buxton providing the voice-over to the interpreter on News 24. It's very enjoyable and we demand Buxton provides this as a live, 24-hour a day service. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Literal_Sign_Language >> Acceptable in the 80s << Dirty, funky electropop goodness with a bobby-dazzler of a video illustrating the many benefits of dissecting a fangy animal of indeterminate species while ladies dance. Excellent! http://www.b3ta.com/links/acceptable_in_the_80s >> Jamiroquai toilet attendant << J Kay recently announced his intention to retire from the music industry. Here's an uncannily convincing remake of the Virtual Insanity video, laying out his most likely next career. He's a natural! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Jamiroquai_shits >> Ukulele - Are Friends Electric? << How to explain why there are so many ukulele cover versions around? Nonetheless, this a great version of the Tubeway Army classic - with some nice old-school synth action to boot. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Are_Friends_Electric >> Sleepy kittens << All your favourite funny cat clips set to Bjork's It's Oh So Quiet - giving a good excuse to watch them all over again. As is likely the case with your own feline chum, it alternates between snoozy cuteness and adrenaline-fuelled full-on mentalness. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Sleepy_kitties >> Postman Pat the drug dealer << Redubbed version of the children's favourite, follows Pat as he makes his deliveries and demands money from the junkies and losers of Greendale. Some clever touches make it worth checking out before YouTube deletes it. http://www.youtube.com/watch ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Wank me off with a spiky glove * SWASTIK KAR - say it out loud. (But not too loud unless you work for Skrewdriver, the White supremacist punk group formed in sunny Blackpool in 1976 by Ian Stuart Donaldson.) http://meetings.aps.org/Meeting/MAR06/Event/39549 * DICK PITT - rooney_1966 informs us, "a maths lecturer at my uni. I promise you this is 100% real." http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v737/daveywakeli... * DICK GUICE - continuing the Dick / Richard theme, our chum Mike Trinder points out this rudely-named clergyman. http://www.flickr.com/photos/biketourist/413178717... ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Black & White Challenge Last week we wanted to see a magical world in which white people are black. Or brown. And vice versa. Your favourites included: * PATRICK MOORE - The legendary astronomer brings us science. And we like science (Smallbrainfield) * TRADING PLACES - Homer is faced with with new troubles as Lenny swaps skin with Carl (mongychops) * INK - White ink? Black paper? That's just crazy talk, surely? (Damocles) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/back_and_white/ >> New challenge: Subvert Kids' TV << Big Cook Little Cook. Teletubbies. Fimbles. Tweenies et al. Do terrible things to them. Parents will love you for it. Challenge suggested by rogerzilla. http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/kids_tv/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * DEFACING THE MONARCH - Friz witters, "RE: Drawing cocks on £5 notes. This reminded me of a challenge I was set a couple of years ago to track a ten pound note across the country by writing my email address on the back of it. It was a fun experience, and I managed to track it for quite a few months." A long multi-page read, but moderately interesting. http://www.take24.co.uk/planetarse/tenner/tenner.h... * MORE WIKI PERVERTS - Green Spanner blathers, "Carrying on with the 'Wikipedia perverts' thing mentioned in the last newsletter, I found it quite interesting that the article for orgasm has sound bites of, and I quote, 'Examples of Female vocalisations during orgasm'." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm#Human_female_orgasm ------------------------------------------------- : FRIDAY GAME TRON Ah, a classic blast from the ancient past. Nothing really innovative here, but the simple, clean execution kept us playing for a good twenty minutes. http://www.fltron.com/index_flash.html ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * GOOGLE WALKER - we use the directions button on Google Maps to work out how to walk between two locations. However as it's designed for cars, the routes it gives are often a little long-winded. Can someone mash up a version that doesn't care about one-way streets? * WE-WILL-KNIT-IT.COM - knitting is big in the geeksphere at the moment; people enjoy the simple correlation between a stitch and pixels. Can someone make a site where we can upload simple bitmaps and it sends us socks and jumpers? Possibly using child labour in the third world? * SPOOFING GOD BOTHERERS - we're pleased to see Jesus jump onto the user-generated content bandwagon with God launching his own competitor to YouTube, hosted in Heaven itself, entitled GodTube. Ten points to the b3tards who can write a song called 'And the Lord buried dinosaurs' bones' and uploading it. http://www.godtube.com/ * CAT PLATFORM GAME VIDEO - Necromental asks, "Remember that katwalk link from a few weeks back? Why not rig up a load of them and control your cat with a laser pen beaming at the wall." * HOW HIGH CAN A KITE FLY? Roland E O'Dorant asks, "I would like to know if, given enough string, I could theoretically fly a kite into space?" Extra points for science diagrams. Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by SickRik. Top Tippery by mortdubois. Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. This week's secret message is "Damn you Virgin Media. You've taken over our magic TV box and made it slightly worse." ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: Baby Wipes - Not just for babies. Really, once you've tried them you'll never want to be without. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive