we love the web email us go to messageboard newsletter archive home NEWSLETTER: "THE BEST B3TA NEWSLETTER SO FAR THIS YEAR" next issue » « previous issue This Week: * GAME - Death to sheeps! * PHOTOS - B3ta reader infected tonsil pics * DINNER - Cheese and Pineapple smoothie. YUM ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ > Sponsor B3ta << Need some B3ta love? Then talk to us. http://b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Loads of stuff - well done you lot! >> Sheep death << "I made this", boasts Davebloke, "It's a flash version of one of the old Warcraft 3 mods, Tower Defence." Bloody hell, this is fun, blowing up farm animals and small boys is what we were born to do. http://novelconcepts.co.uk/FlashElementTD/ >> Cheese and Pineapple Smoothie << Continuing our long-running theme of disgusting food, Sickpuppy writes, "With Christmas fast approaching I thought I'd create the ultimate non-alcoholic drink. It combines the greatest party food with the consistency that would put egg-nog to shame. I proudly present - A cheese and pineapple smoothie." As you can see, we forgot to include this link before Xmas, but it's still great, so we've shoving it in anyway. http://www.fatuous.co.uk/2006/12/06/nectar-of-the-... >> Printing BIG posters << "How do's!" barks Steff Luczyn, "You may remember me from such javascript games as FingerFandango and PaddlePower (the Pong-type effort) and I've been toiling away creating a handy little website for those of us that are too stingy to buy proper posters for our walls." Great stuff, certainly useful to those who don't already have this function built-into their printer driver. http://www.blockposters.com >> Most disgusting photos ever? << "I recently had my tonsils out," gargles Phil Hiett,"and being the sick little puppy I am, I took loads of photos and made them into a Photo Diary - tonsil style." Grim. Fascinating maybe, but deeply grim. http://phil.hiett.googlepages.com/ >> Make and do - B3ta style << "I've designed a paper model necromancer to brighten up windowsills and monitor tops," sniffles Monstrinho do Biscoito, "I'd be really happy if this went in the newsletter so I can share the joys of necromancy with the world and maybe show off my t-shirt designs too." Yay, and if any of our members fancy making one of these and send us a few (amusing) photos, we'll run them next week. http://www.nogunarmy.com/necromancer.htm >> Stephen Hawking sings << "You may remember me from the the singing Tom Baker site," reminisces Andy B, "I've also got hold of the speech software that Stephen Hawking uses and I got another singing site on the go." We recommend 'Baby, it's cold outside'. It made us giggle, it did. http://www.thedoctorsays.co.uk/thedoctorsings ------------------------------------------------- : QUESTION OF THE WEEK Failed Last week we asked for things you'd failed at: http://b3ta.com/questions/failed/ * WHAT IS THE SPANISH FOR BELM? "In my Spanish oral exam, I had to persuade the examiner that she should take her mentally-disabled son on an activity holiday, because it would be stimulating, blah blah. I didn't actually know the proper Spanish term for 'mentally disabled'. So I tried to mime it instead. Using that internationally recognised symbol for mongitude, the 'MNNNNNNNNNNNG' face. I got an F." (no way hose) * SOMETHING WONDERFUL "Sitting on my bed, feeling unwell, wrapped in a towel having just showered. That squirmy, gassy feeling hit me and I just knew I was going to do a spectacular fart. I informed my girlfriend, sitting next to me, that something wonderful was about to happen. Unfortunately, I'd failed to correctly judge the subtle signs in my bowelary movements. And promptly shat myself. There really is no smell like lumpy diarrhoea wrapped in a soggy towel." (The Figurative Pineapple) * MEGA LOG "As part of my GCSE Physics course we were divided up into groups of 3 or 4, given a stack of A4 paper, and told to build a bridge that would support the heaviest weight. The other students researched types of historical bridges, and read about tension and support etc. We just did what anybody would have done with an exciting stack of A4 paper: made paper aeroplanes and stupid origami figures. Then we had to make a bridge. I was leader, and my great idea would be to make the biggest, heaviest log of rolled-up paper imaginable using absolutely no scientific knowledge. We made this giant railway sleeper of a bridge, like something a Scotsman would throw in a field. Then we decorated it with slogans like "SUPER BRIDGE" and "MEGA LOG". The other kids in my class had made these intricate models of historical bridges. Arches, suspension bridges. Rich kids. Their parents were probably architects. Anyway, we tested each bridge in turn and our team ended up being the winner. No other bridge came close. So... where's the Failure bit you may ask? The girl that I fancied at the time, Louise, had made one of the most intricate bridges. After the test was complete the teacher said something like "you can get rid of the bridges now". In hindsight I think he meant put them to the side of the class, but I had won and felt quite headstrong, and wanted to show off to Louise and the rest of the class. I picked up MEGA LOG and brought it crashing down on her intricate suspension bridge, smashing it to papery pieces. We were disqualified, and I was given a 2000 word essay on Ghandi and non-violence to write before the next science lesson." (borovan) >> This Week's Question << What do you collect? Do you have it all labelled, packaged up and recorded in a database? For the love of god, why? Talk to us here: http://b3ta.com/questions/mycollection/ ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates >> Exploring tunnels << We've linked to urban exploration sites before, but this collection of photos of a hydroelectric power-plant BEHIND Niagara Falls made us very excited in an extreme-beard kind of way. http://www.28dayslater.co.uk/forums/showthread.php... >> Wiki perverts << "Hello my B3tan Overlords", salutes Beest, "I don't know if you've been following the current rumpus on the Wikipedia about fair use vs public domain images. It's not very interesting, but some Wikinazis are deleting images unless they're completely public domain, and replacing them with ones they've made themselves. Admirable perhaps, if you give a shit about this sort of thing. However, I think this bloke's gone too far with his self-made contribution to the male genitalia image collection." Definitely, definitely NSFW, but raised quite a few giggles in B3ta Towers. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:Contribu... >> Tree Goats << Some goats like climbing trees. Don't believe us? Check the photos. http://blog.moment.ee/2007/01/viljad-on-valminud-t... >> Aquarium Madness << You know those tubes that some people fit around their houses to give their hamsters a freer range? This chappy is doing it with fish. And why not? http://knuttz.net/hosted_pages/Home-Aquarium-20061... >> Messed-up cats << Some kittens are born with two faces. You've probably seen the pictures emailed around the web already. But here's a handy compendium of them, all in one page. Very useful. http://www.messybeast.com/freak-face.htm ------------------------------------------------- : VIDEO SCHMIDEO YouTube has won the internet, hasn't it? >> Dick Van Dyke << British readers are only really aware of Dyke's dreadful 'cockney' accent on the feel-good-mawkfest Mary Poppins. However, we're pleased to learn that was more to this mans career than his inability to pronounce 'chimney'. The lad could dance, and oh could he dance. Here he's been set to Herbie Hancock's The Rockitt. Personally we'd have used some Jamiroquai, a reference that should be clearer when you watch the clip. Great stuff. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dick_Van_Dyke_dancing_se... >> Duck engine << Bloke sticks duck quacker on car engine and presses the accelerator. Funny noises ensue. http://www.b3ta.com/links/Blowoff_valve_fun >> Jaws, as made by kids << Cribbing the author's write up, "The year is 1978. A team of 12 year olds have decided to make a Super8 film of their own based on Jaws. And wait till you get a hold of the shark we built, it sank after the first scene and you'll only see the fin after that." Charming, stuff and hangs together remarkable well. http://www.b3ta.com/links/SHARK ------------------------------------------------- : FUNNY NAME CORNER Mummy, that's not a real prawn is it? * MILF - UK TV watchers currently know that the best MILF (Mum I'd Like to Fuck) around at the moment is Cleo Rocos on Celebrity Big Brother. Looks like she's going to get some competition from the Moro Liberation Front, a "Muslim separatist rebel group located in Southern Philippines." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moro_Liberation_Front * ANUS CRAP BOOKING - no, that's Anu Scrap-booking of course. Please don't vandalise their guest book, there's a good b3ta reader, cheers. http://www.freewebs.com/anuscrapbooking/ * WEDDING - "I saw this in last Friday's East Anglian Daily Times", confesses Chris, "A marriage made in heaven?" http://www.b3tards.com/u/e8566f214b68cfa702b1/wedd... * ROGER D KIDD - "Wotcha legends", barks The_Greyhound, "just getting in touch because I have a follow up to your follow up on 'NOMINATIVE DETERMINISM'. My deputy head-teacher at secondary school was one such instance of nominative determinism. His name? Roger D Kidd. He taught at Raines Foundation in Bethnal green in the 90's. Even if it isn't a perfect example of ND it is bloody funny. I didn't know about the other meaning of 'to roger' until I took a letter home to my old man and he wet himself." ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Real-life Cartoons Challenge Last week we wanted to see cartoon characters in real life situations. Your favourites included: * A&E - who'd be a doctor at the casualty department for cartoon injuries? (spacehog) * PENNY CRAYON - with a string of ASBOs and a penchant for criminal damage (urbane legend) * CARTMAN - put our fat friend on the grassy knoll. Yep, that's exactly what he'd say (mofaha) All these images, and the highest as voted by you can be found here: http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/real_cartoons/ >> New challenge: Join The Army << Let's face it, it's not the most promising career in this time of terrorism, insurgency and war. So how do we get army recruitment levels on the rise again? http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/join_the_army/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * B3TA SICK JOKE BOOK SELLS LOTS OF COPIES - reader Grrbabs works for Waterstones and tells us, "We sold craploads of the joke book in my bookshop including a father buying it for his nine year old son. My store sold 130 copies, and I'm sure this is company confidential information, but checking the computers, nationally Waterstones have sold 13,249 copies." We're also selling abroad apparently, Jani Kyllonen, writes, "Today I was in Akateeminen Kirjakauppa (The Academic Bookstore), which might just be the most highly regarded bookstore in all of Finland. For some reason I decided to check the shelf with humour in English and there it was - the Sick Jokes book! I am now 10 Euros poorer." Yay, we're as happy as a pig eating his own shit. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/190554828... * JOEL / COKE COPYRIGHT THING - There's been some pretty fuck-off major developments behind the scenes on this. We're sworn to secrecy until the lawyers sort it all out, but we hope to bring you some good news soon. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * MAKE POSTIE HATE YOUR MATES - Steven Morgan writes, "1. Go to a site like freestuffjunction and find as many free promotions as you can. 2. Sign up for the promotion ensuring to tick any boxes that ensure the receiver gets 3rd party mails etc. 3. Put the correct address but change the name to something like "The Postman is a cunt", "My favourite rape? Mrs Postie!" or "I've shat on the postman's daughter". Most of these systems are automated and the mail will get through and more will continue to get through as the further marketing subsequently arrives. Hopefully, your 'friend' will 'lose' their mail forevermore!" * GLOBAL WARMING QUERY - kkealy enquires, "I have a question about Global Warming. If you take a glass full of ice cubes, fill it to the tippy-top with water, and then wait for the ice to melt, the water level will fall (go ahead, try it). This is because water expands when it freezes (hence the burst pipes in your attic). So - if the global warming thing happens, and the polar ice-caps melt, given that 90% of the North Pole is, in fact, UNDERwater, won't the sea level /fall/ instead of rise....?" Send contributions via the mail form. http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: [email protected] Unsubscribe: [email protected] ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by EinsteinShrugged, Hamster of Truth, Whythebigpaws?, alcattell, alloydog rb_miller and frankwied. Top Tippery by Zaphod's Wombat. Nobody reads this bit so we'll stick a secret message in. "Rat's cocks. Six inches long." Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. B4ta loves you, even the slow ones at the back. (-8) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you are repairing something which will need to take a lot of pressure (e.g. a rucksack or leather shoe) use dental floss. It threads onto a needle easily and is virtually unbreakable. You can also make it black with an indelible marker if you need to. next issue » « previous issue Newsletter We run a free weekly B3TA email reporting on the coolest stuff on the net. _____________________ [ go ] -------------------- THIS WEEKS HEADLINES -------------------- * TYPE-IN MAGAZINE - LAUNCHED FOR YOUR FINGERS * AI SLOP - GET READY TO OINK FOR IT, PIGGIES * GET WELL SOON - WISHING WELL TO DAVE BAGPUSS READ LATEST ISSUE archive